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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Losing my virginity.....

Have you ever received one of those texts from your child that's pretty much a loaded question? I received one yesterday at work from my 13 year old. It went something like this:

"Hey mom, wanna answer me a question?"

Panic sets in. Did I throw away her prized collection of dust bunnies? Was she upset because I may or may not have given her way too tight tees and shorts to Goodwill? I braced for it, and said "Sure what is it?"

Drumroll please........................

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

What? What the.....HUH?? Yikes. She's 13 and currently single. Why would she need to know that? Well, apparently, she was (self-confessed) creepin' through my blog. She stumbled upon this post, wherein I answer questions because I had won an award. More specifically, question #6, how old were you when you lost your virginity. Naturally I lied. Who knew my kids actually DO read my blog? I should (clean) start putting (your) subliminal messages (room) hidden in text. That (bake) maybe (me) could (cupcakes) work (now!!!!).

So since she asked me flat out, and I don't lie to my kids (Santa and Easter Bunny aside, shut up) I told her. I told her that I was 18 (which is the truth), that it was awful (which it was), not enjoyable at all. Not special in the least. And that I regretted it almost immediately. It was with the boy I went to my senior prom with. We dated off and on but were never 'exclusive'. He lived with his grandmother, who was half senile. We used to party in his basement, all of us, and we paired off when it came time for prom. We fooled around quite a bit but never went all the way, not even on prom night. But one summer night after I graduated high school, he asked, I did and it was less than nothing to write home about. I explained to 13 that I felt dirty, cheap and used after giving him my virginity. I told her that your first time should be special, and it should be with someone you love, and someone who loves you back. Mine was not. Then she asked why I did it. I told her that I really liked him (not love) and I thought he'd like me more if I did it (which he didn't). What I didn't tell her, was that right after we did it, his grandmother walked in on us. I was mortified, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was not only embarrassed to be caught, but devastated that what was supposed to be one of the most special times of my life ended up being one of the worst nights of my life. Right after we got dressed, I asked him to drive me home. And I believe that was probably one of the last times I ever spoke to him.

At 13, she knows that she is nowhere near ready for that step, and wants to wait until she's married. I told her that as her mother, I know that she will make mistakes and that she will learn from them. But I also want her to learn from the mistakes I've made because I'd love to save her from making the same heartbreaking mistakes. And I told her that losing your virginity with someone you love who loves you back, doing it for the right reason, isn't a mistake. But my reasons were wrong, and I will always regret it. And do you know what she said in reply? My 13 year old daughter said this:

"Don't live with regrets, everything happens for a reason."


  1. Wow! the girl is wise beyond her years!

  2. You rock, and your girl? She totally rocks too! May I be as brave when the day comes, and I hope to re-read this post then too. :)

  3. Ho-ly hell, Teri.
    Mine haven't asked, but I'm copying, pasting and saving your reply. Even though that wasn't my experience, you put the experience I do think the majority of girls have into SUCH ELOQUENT AND MEANINGFUL words. Well done. Seriously.
    And 13? She gets a big 'well done', too!
    Ahh....parenting. Never a dull moment!

    1. I've duly patted her on the back for her wisdom. :)

  4. I think you BOTH get an A+ for that conversation. I dread telling my daughters about my first time. It's like an afterschool special. With a sad rainbow. And, I may ask you to chime in via FaceTime if I get all ehhhh and uhhhhh-y (which I will). Great read, Teri.

    1. I'd be happy to. If I knew how to FaceTime. :)

  5. You're doing a great job with your daughter. I wish more moms were that honest. It amazes me how uninformed kids are today, I got it when I grew up but today???
    For anyone really needed a conversation prompt Lifetime did a great movie a few years back when all those girls at one high school got pregnant. While it isn't my all time fave movie it did allow us (my youngest was in 5th or 6th grade at the time) to have discussions I hadn't thought of.

  6. I love this. I have always had open conversations with my kids--especially the Girl. Like you, if they ask me a question, I will always be honest. I may not feel comfortable with the information I'm sharing, but I'll be honest.

    I am still amazed every time when one of them takes it all in stride and then comes up with something so profound .... just like 13 did.

    Excellent! She's got a good head on her shoulders!!

    1. Thanks Jen! They do surprise us sometimes, don't they?

  7. Smart girl! Now you've scared me though! My daughter is 10! This is what I have to look forward to? I know my 13 year old son would rather jump off a cliff than ask me about losing my virginity! hahaha! Thanks for sharing, you know how much I love your posts! xo


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