Showing posts with label virginity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label virginity. Show all posts
Thursday, November 13, 2014
OMG! I'm In The Powder Room!!!!
No, not literally IN the actual room but today I'm poppin' my cherry and appearing for the very first time In The Powder Room with my post on losing my virginity and how my 13 year old (at the time) called me out on the carpet about it!! Check it out here! I am so excited to be In The Powder Room!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
New series: I've Kissed A Lot of Frogs...
Starting today I'm going to begin a new series that I will write weekly regularly whenever I get off my ass and write it. The series is called "I've Kissed a Lot of Frogs" and it will feature various stories of all the jackasses losers jerks assbags fellas I dated before I found my one true love. Trust me. I've got a lot of stories to tell. Because seriously, I really HAVE kissed a lot of frogs.
In honor of 16's Prom this weekend I'm going to tell you the story of my senior prom date. I went with a guy that I was seeing, let's call him E. E's friends and my friends had all coupled up in the months leading up to the Prom, so we all went together. When E came to pick me up, he looked very handsome in his black tux, white shirt, black cummerbund and.... no socks. My mother was horrified. The guy was dressed to the nines with no socks.
Flash forward to the Prom. We had fun. My friend M and her boyfriend E (but a different E, not my E, so to avoid any further confusion, let's call them ME as a couple) had been together for quite awhile longer than the rest of us. M and I concocted a plan where we'd dress sexy under our gowns, and by sexy I mean thigh highs and garter belts. Hey, we were 17 and thought that's what guys liked. We didn't know we were about to be dressed like hookers. Anyway, I digress. After the prom, we all went to the hotel suite that we had all pitched in to rent.
We had some soda and chips, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE DRANK BACK THEN, MY DEAR DAUGHTERS, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, and had some fun. Then E and I retreated to the bedroom.
Up until that time, I was a good girl. I still had my virginity intact. But I was prepared to give it up to E that night, despite the fact that he wore no socks to my Prom. We were pretty close to sealing the deal when I came up with this hair-brained idea that he should probably wear a condom. I know, it's crazy, right? I really didn't think I was asking too much. I mean, what 17 year old guy doesn't have a condom in his wallet?? It was the 80's for crying out loud! Well we bickered back and forth for a few minutes. He had a condom in his glove compartment in the car. But he didn't feel like going down to the car to get it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? He wanted ME to go down to his car and get his condom out of his glove compartment. Yes, read that sentence again. I'll wait. No. Freaking. Way.
Needless to say, no virginity was lost that night.
I DID, however, end up giving it to him later that summer, after graduation. (Shut up, I was young and stupid) This time, his condom was in his dresser drawer, so there was no bickering that night. However, that dresser was located in a bedroom in a house he shared with his grandmother. His 128 year old grandmother WHO WALKED IN ON US AS WE WERE BUMPING UGLIES. No lie, I died of embarrassment right there on the spot. Since she was 128, I'm not really sure she knew exactly what was going on, but that didn't matter. The deed was done and we were caught red-handed. That was my last contact with E. EVER.
So my first time was about as awesome as a root canal while giving birth with no pain killers. Stick around, the stories only get uglier as we go along.
In honor of 16's Prom this weekend I'm going to tell you the story of my senior prom date. I went with a guy that I was seeing, let's call him E. E's friends and my friends had all coupled up in the months leading up to the Prom, so we all went together. When E came to pick me up, he looked very handsome in his black tux, white shirt, black cummerbund and.... no socks. My mother was horrified. The guy was dressed to the nines with no socks.
Flash forward to the Prom. We had fun. My friend M and her boyfriend E (but a different E, not my E, so to avoid any further confusion, let's call them ME as a couple) had been together for quite awhile longer than the rest of us. M and I concocted a plan where we'd dress sexy under our gowns, and by sexy I mean thigh highs and garter belts. Hey, we were 17 and thought that's what guys liked. We didn't know we were about to be dressed like hookers. Anyway, I digress. After the prom, we all went to the hotel suite that we had all pitched in to rent.
We had some soda and chips, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE DRANK BACK THEN, MY DEAR DAUGHTERS, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, and had some fun. Then E and I retreated to the bedroom.
Up until that time, I was a good girl. I still had my virginity intact. But I was prepared to give it up to E that night, despite the fact that he wore no socks to my Prom. We were pretty close to sealing the deal when I came up with this hair-brained idea that he should probably wear a condom. I know, it's crazy, right? I really didn't think I was asking too much. I mean, what 17 year old guy doesn't have a condom in his wallet?? It was the 80's for crying out loud! Well we bickered back and forth for a few minutes. He had a condom in his glove compartment in the car. But he didn't feel like going down to the car to get it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? He wanted ME to go down to his car and get his condom out of his glove compartment. Yes, read that sentence again. I'll wait. No. Freaking. Way.
Needless to say, no virginity was lost that night.
I DID, however, end up giving it to him later that summer, after graduation. (Shut up, I was young and stupid) This time, his condom was in his dresser drawer, so there was no bickering that night. However, that dresser was located in a bedroom in a house he shared with his grandmother. His 128 year old grandmother WHO WALKED IN ON US AS WE WERE BUMPING UGLIES. No lie, I died of embarrassment right there on the spot. Since she was 128, I'm not really sure she knew exactly what was going on, but that didn't matter. The deed was done and we were caught red-handed. That was my last contact with E. EVER.
So my first time was about as awesome as a root canal while giving birth with no pain killers. Stick around, the stories only get uglier as we go along.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Losing my virginity.....
Have you ever received one of those texts from your child that's pretty much a loaded question? I received one yesterday at work from my 13 year old. It went something like this:
"Hey mom, wanna answer me a question?"
Panic sets in. Did I throw away her prized collection of dust bunnies? Was she upset because I may or may not have given her way too tight tees and shorts to Goodwill? I braced for it, and said "Sure what is it?"
Drumroll please........................
"How old were you when you lost your virginity?"
What? What the.....HUH?? Yikes. She's 13 and currently single. Why would she need to know that? Well, apparently, she was (self-confessed) creepin' through my blog. She stumbled upon this post, wherein I answer questions because I had won an award. More specifically, question #6, how old were you when you lost your virginity. Naturally I lied. Who knew my kids actually DO read my blog? I should (clean) start putting (your) subliminal messages (room) hidden in text. That (bake) maybe (me) could (cupcakes) work (now!!!!).
So since she asked me flat out, and I don't lie to my kids (Santa and Easter Bunny aside, shut up) I told her. I told her that I was 18 (which is the truth), that it was awful (which it was), not enjoyable at all. Not special in the least. And that I regretted it almost immediately. It was with the boy I went to my senior prom with. We dated off and on but were never 'exclusive'. He lived with his grandmother, who was half senile. We used to party in his basement, all of us, and we paired off when it came time for prom. We fooled around quite a bit but never went all the way, not even on prom night. But one summer night after I graduated high school, he asked, I did and it was less than nothing to write home about. I explained to 13 that I felt dirty, cheap and used after giving him my virginity. I told her that your first time should be special, and it should be with someone you love, and someone who loves you back. Mine was not. Then she asked why I did it. I told her that I really liked him (not love) and I thought he'd like me more if I did it (which he didn't). What I didn't tell her, was that right after we did it, his grandmother walked in on us. I was mortified, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was not only embarrassed to be caught, but devastated that what was supposed to be one of the most special times of my life ended up being one of the worst nights of my life. Right after we got dressed, I asked him to drive me home. And I believe that was probably one of the last times I ever spoke to him.
At 13, she knows that she is nowhere near ready for that step, and wants to wait until she's married. I told her that as her mother, I know that she will make mistakes and that she will learn from them. But I also want her to learn from the mistakes I've made because I'd love to save her from making the same heartbreaking mistakes. And I told her that losing your virginity with someone you love who loves you back, doing it for the right reason, isn't a mistake. But my reasons were wrong, and I will always regret it. And do you know what she said in reply? My 13 year old daughter said this:
"Don't live with regrets, everything happens for a reason."
"Hey mom, wanna answer me a question?"
Panic sets in. Did I throw away her prized collection of dust bunnies? Was she upset because I may or may not have given her way too tight tees and shorts to Goodwill? I braced for it, and said "Sure what is it?"
Drumroll please........................
"How old were you when you lost your virginity?"
What? What the.....HUH?? Yikes. She's 13 and currently single. Why would she need to know that? Well, apparently, she was (self-confessed) creepin' through my blog. She stumbled upon this post, wherein I answer questions because I had won an award. More specifically, question #6, how old were you when you lost your virginity. Naturally I lied. Who knew my kids actually DO read my blog? I should (clean) start putting (your) subliminal messages (room) hidden in text. That (bake) maybe (me) could (cupcakes) work (now!!!!).
So since she asked me flat out, and I don't lie to my kids (Santa and Easter Bunny aside, shut up) I told her. I told her that I was 18 (which is the truth), that it was awful (which it was), not enjoyable at all. Not special in the least. And that I regretted it almost immediately. It was with the boy I went to my senior prom with. We dated off and on but were never 'exclusive'. He lived with his grandmother, who was half senile. We used to party in his basement, all of us, and we paired off when it came time for prom. We fooled around quite a bit but never went all the way, not even on prom night. But one summer night after I graduated high school, he asked, I did and it was less than nothing to write home about. I explained to 13 that I felt dirty, cheap and used after giving him my virginity. I told her that your first time should be special, and it should be with someone you love, and someone who loves you back. Mine was not. Then she asked why I did it. I told her that I really liked him (not love) and I thought he'd like me more if I did it (which he didn't). What I didn't tell her, was that right after we did it, his grandmother walked in on us. I was mortified, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was not only embarrassed to be caught, but devastated that what was supposed to be one of the most special times of my life ended up being one of the worst nights of my life. Right after we got dressed, I asked him to drive me home. And I believe that was probably one of the last times I ever spoke to him.
At 13, she knows that she is nowhere near ready for that step, and wants to wait until she's married. I told her that as her mother, I know that she will make mistakes and that she will learn from them. But I also want her to learn from the mistakes I've made because I'd love to save her from making the same heartbreaking mistakes. And I told her that losing your virginity with someone you love who loves you back, doing it for the right reason, isn't a mistake. But my reasons were wrong, and I will always regret it. And do you know what she said in reply? My 13 year old daughter said this:
"Don't live with regrets, everything happens for a reason."
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