Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 16 and 14. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Homeschooling discussion, from a very cool guest poster...

Hey Snarklings. Today I'm featuring a new friend of mine with a very cool and insightful blog called Coffee is Black. Now you all know that I do love me some 16 and 14 but there is NO way on God's green earth that I could ever have the patience to homeschool those little angels. No. Way. At. All. And we all know the debate gets hot when you've got 1980425 opinions on homeschooling and every one of them is the right one, right? Right. But here is a different perspective. One FROM a former homeschooled kid, not a parent either pro or con. And it looks like she turned out pretty okay!

I give you Fiona. Read her post here, then go and check out her blog. Seriously, there's a lot of food for thought over there! But for now, please welcome the lovely Fiona from Coffee is Black...

Homeschooler in a Public Schooling World: You are Not a Special Fairy Anymore

A homeschooler in a public school is a strange and bewildered creature. There are so many things to adjust to! Here are some lessons about surviving public school that would have helped me a lot had I known them:

1. When bells ring, it means that you have to leave whatever class you're in and go to another one. It doesn't matter if you like what is going on in class. It doesn't matter if you're talking with the teacher. You actually get in trouble for staying in class. Crazy, right?

2. I learned very quickly that YOU DO NOT ASK THE TEACHER FOR EXTRA WORK. They honestly don't know what to do with you, and you will forever be marked as strange by the teacher. Seriously, don't do it.

3. It is very, VERY uncool to appear interested in the schoolwork. I made the grave mistake of getting excited about a debate about the benefit of technology in Social Studies. I thought it would be cool to play the devil's advocate and argue that we'd be better off without technology. I was "cavewoman" to the kids in that class until I graduated.

Me at school. Uncool and interested.


4. You can't leave lunch and go somewhere else because you feel like it or you have something more important to do. You will get in trouble if you just randomly wander the hallways doing stuff. Seriously, hall passes are a thing. You have to use them.

5. If you stay up late working really hard on something, you don't get a free pass to sleep in the next morning. You don't get to stay in bed past 10 or even be a few minutes late for the very legitimate reason that you are tired because you were doing work. You have to be in homeroom at 8:10 a.m. unless you're planning to play "hooky." You just have to accept it and show up on time in the morning.

6. That I-was-staying-up-late-doing-work-for-another-teacher excuse doesn't fly for homework either. This is tough when your one-and-only teacher (Mom) becomes 8 or 9 separate teachers. They don't care about the other work if it means you're doing their homework late. You just have to do it all on time. Tough cookies.

7. If you get an assignment that you could make more interesting by changing the prompt, well, don't change the prompt. You won't get a good grade, or any other kind of reward. You have to follow the instructions that the other 30 kids in class are following.

8. You can't skip ahead on the work if you already know it. You have to stay with the class. Be patient. You'll get there.

9. Don't contradict the teacher in class. It won't get you bonus points or a congratulations. You may be a *special fairy* who knows absolutely everything and is quite confident asserting yourself. BUT in public school, you have to keep that special fairy-ness in check and don't undermine the teacher.

10. Finally, bare feet are absolutely against the rules. You have to wear shoes to class. You have to KEEP THEM ON in class. If you get called to the office for something, you have to go with your shoes on. If you are in the library or study hall, you must stay shod, no matter what you actually want to do, even if it hurts your delicate Fairy sensibilities.

Myself as a Special Fairy, Pre-Public School

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Hero...

Let's hear it for this kid. Seriously. Nate Scimio, a Franklin Regional High School student, had the presence of mind to pull the fire alarm when 16 year old Alex Hribal was terrorizing the school, wielding a knife and stabbing and slashing kids. This article from HuffPo says that not only did Nate Scimio pull the fire alarm, alerting the school of a potentially deadly situation but also that he stepped in when Hribal was approaching a female student and pushed her out of the way, probably saving her from injury or worse.

Photo courtesy of Nate Scimio's instagram page. Thanks Nate!
 So let's give it up for this kid. I wish there were many many more kids like him in our schools today. You move to rural areas thinking your kids will be safer than in the big city or urban schools, and then something like this happens. It's scary as hell raising kids these days.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I must confess...

Some truth telling on the old blog today. I think it's time I came clean and 'fessed up about some stuff. Don't worry, I didn't kill anyone or hijack a school bus full of nuns or anything like that. But what I HAVE done are some things that very few people know, because they aren't things that you were supposed to do when I did them.



When 16 was just a few days old, I could NOT get her to fall asleep. I had a crib in her room but didn't use it right away since I was a brand new mother and was pretty much an idiot when it came to babies.  We kept a bassinet in our bedroom but every time she'd fall asleep in my arms and I'd put her down, she'd wake right up and fuss. So I did what any brand new mother would do. I put her in her car seat. For some reason, when I did this, she slept. And she slept well. Who was I to deny that little angel her sleep? So for about the first month of her life, my baby slept in her car seat at night.

Once I finally started figuring out this whole 'mothering' thing, I was able to rock her to sleep and put her in her crib (without her car seat) and she'd be okay. Until she wasn't. She was probably about 3 or 4 months old and I would have a hard time getting her to sleep in her crib. Like a good mother, I always laid her down on her back. No SIDS in my house! But one night I just got tired of laying her on her back and almost making it out the door before she'd start squirming and realize where she was. It was at that time that I became a rebel. SIDS be damned, I had a baby monitor, I cranked it up loud so I could hear every breath, every fart. So when I laid her back down in her crib after she'd fallen back to sleep in my arms.... I put her on her tummy. OH THE HORROR!!! I fear they are coming to take away my 'Mother of the Year' sash and tiara. Oh well. Guess what. She's 16, and she survived sleeping on her tummy. The only person I ever told about this was my best friend. And guess what! SHE DID IT TOO!!!! We felt like some secret society of 'Moms Who Throw Caution to the Wind!' We were rebel moms, but we slept! Oh the sleep! It was a secret that we only discussed in private when no one could hear us, and we relished the fact that we had our little club of 2.

When my girls were a little older, probably 3 or 4, they were fighting (as they did on a regular basis) and I finally followed through on my promise to call Santa and report them. I called them both into the room, and then I dialed his number and I said "Hello Santa? This is Mrs. Biebel. That's right, Jennifer and Amanda's mom. I'm fine thank you, and you? Oh that's good, I'm glad to hear it. Listen, Santa, I'm calling because I wanted to let you know that Jenn and Amanda don't want any Christmas presents this year. Yes, that's right, they keep fighting and...oh you've seen them? Oh, so you know how they've been behaving. Oh good! What's that Santa? You want to talk to them? Ok, hang on I'll get them." The look of terror in those little eyes was just priceless. I wish I had captured it on film. Or my phone. Or whatever. They were like frightened kittens.



I handed the phone to Jennifer and she very sheepishly spoke to Santa and promised Santa that she would be much nicer to her sister and she would stop fighting with her. Then she handed the phone to her sister who cried and cried because she wanted presents. I believe that's all she told Santa. She wanted presents. Whatever it took, she'd do what she needed to do. Because PRESENTS.

Those girls never even guessed that it was my brother, their Uncle Billy on the other end of that phone. And I didn't care. I actually got a few weeks of peace out of that one phone call to 'Santa' and I owed my big brother a huge debt of gratitude for playing along.

Phew, I don't know about you but I feel much better now that I've gotten those things off my chest. Now it's your turn. What secrets do YOU have that you feel you can finally confess? Go ahead, I won't tell.

Hey, before you go, just a reminder. That little box over there on the right that says "Shop Amazon.com" is for you. I'm saving you the trouble of typing in "Amazon.com", just click the link and do your shopping and I get a teeny tiny percentage of money for keeping that link on my page. Go on, you know you need a new pair of flip-flops, a shower cap and a can of whipped cream.


Monday, April 7, 2014

People are gross...

Let's talk about search terms. When you open up The Google and search stuff, you get a list of websites that are brimming with info on your search term. Or so you'd think.

Normally, if I wanted information on 'farting butterflies', I'd enter the search term "farting butterflies" and hopefully, The Google would bring up a whole bunch of websites with lots of info on this interesting topic.

So someone needs to explain to me how in the WIDE world people find MY blog, THIS little blog here, by typing in weird search terms that have absolutely NOTHING to do with me. Seriously. I write about my kids, my crush on Mike Rowe, current topics. I do NOT, however, write about a girl 'loosing' her virginity to a cat. Or how about this one: 'don't look under my dress perv boy'.  2 years ago I wrote about my daughter buying a homecoming dress that was too small, but never mentioned any perv boy looking up her dress, so how do they find MY blog by searching THOSE terms??

I do get a lot of people finding my blog by searching 'Mike Rowe married', and that fits, because you may or may not know this, but I've got a little crush on him, so that's totally understandable. I may or may not have mentioned him once or forty-bajillion times here. But when someone finds my blog by searching 'twinkies wearing overalls' I have to take pause. First of all, how the hell do Twinkies wear overalls? They don't have shoulders to keep the straps up.

Photo courtesy of Pinterest via blogheart.info
I did write a blog post on Twinkies looking like minions but I never mentioned them wearing clothes. I hate animals or snack cakes wearing clothing. That's a well-known Snarkfest fact.

The search term that one person used grosses me out probably more than any of the others. How about: Boomer Esiason nude?

Excuse me while I go and bleach my brain to get that image out of my head. I posted about Boomer being an assbag, but never ONCE did I ever say anything about him being nude. Rude. A rude dude maybe. Or crude. A crude rude dude. With a 'tude. But nude? No thank you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see what I can find on the topic of farting butterflies. And I'm sure next week that will be tops on the list of search terms for the Snarkfest blog.

Weirdos.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Why Boomer Esiason needs to be slapped...

Seriously, Boomer Esiason? Are you kidding with the comments you made on your radio show?

I watched the Today Show this morning and saw the beautiful Tamron Hall do a segment from the Orange Room on how Mets 2nd baseman Daniel Murphy decided to skip the season opener in favor of being at his wife's bedside for the birth of their first baby. Boomer Esiason had something to say about that on his radio show.  Are you ready for what Boomer said Murphy should've done? Boomer said Murphy "should have made his wife have a C-section before the season started to make sure he was available" to play. The Mets opening day was Monday, and Murphy chose to take Paternity Leave, which is allowed in a deal made with the MLB Players Union. Really Boomer? You would've made your wife have a C-section? What if she got pregnant later in the year and the baby was due in, say, July? What then, Boomer? Schedule the C-section for the beginning of the season and have a baby born 3 months premature because it worked out better for your schedule? You stupid dumbass shit-for-brains.


                                                           Video courtesy of YouTube.

My thinking is, Boomer may have taken one too many hits to the old noggin when he was still playing football, because this is the dumbest thing I believe I've ever heard. It's like he's a goddamn cavemen.

"Me bonk her on head, make doctor take baby, me go play game."

Assbag. What do you think? Do you think Daniel Murphy did the right thing? Or are you an assbag who thinks that the game comes before the birth of your first child?

Friday, March 28, 2014

My girls missed the bus today. Here's why I'm glad....

It's no secret that I've had issues with my girls missing the school bus in the morning. The damn thing stops directly in front of my house every single morning. Directly. In front. Of my house. It's not like they even have to walk a block to the bus stop. The drivers could only make it more convenient if they called my house as they were entering my development to give us a 5 minute warning. And yet, my girls continue to miss the bus. Today, however, upon further reflection, I'm happy my girls missed the bus.

A&P? Do they still have A&P's??


"Why?" you may ask. "Why all of a sudden are you HAPPY that both your girls missed the bus, Snarky? Have you fallen and hit your head again?"

No, I haven't. But thanks for asking.

While I was in the shower, I did some thinking. That's where I do a LOT of my thinking for blog post ideas. I have NO idea why, but that's usually where the light bulb goes off over my head. Kinda dangerous if you ask me, light bulbs in the shower, but whatever. I digress.

Not the actual light bulb from my shower.
If my girls missing the school bus is the worst problem I have to deal with, I'm pretty damn lucky, aren't I? They missed the bus. Not because they were out getting drunk at a party last night. They weren't. Not because we were having a huge fight in my house. We weren't. Not because they are so unhappy that they've run away from home. They haven't. Not because they are on drugs and I couldn't rouse them. They aren't.

Getting the picture?

My girls are healthy. Some kids aren't. Some kids are in the hospital, waiting for an organ transplant. Or going through chemotherapy. Or suffer from anxiety issues. Or a million other things. My girls were just tired and didn't wake up quickly enough to get on the bus. Why? Because they were up talking 'til some ridiculous hour. I was already asleep long before they headed to their own rooms and went to sleep.

They have each other. They rely on each other. When they were younger, they made my life HELL because they did nothing but fight. Now, the fighting has all but disappeared, and has been replaced with late night chats in one of their rooms, behind closed doors. Sometimes I'm invited in. Sometimes I'm not. But they have each other. And they're happy. And they're healthy. And I'm the luckiest mom. Because they could've missed the bus because of drug addiction, alcohol abuse, health issues, abusive boyfriend issues, mental issues or about a thousand other reasons that other parents deal with. No, I'm lucky because my girls missed the bus because they were tired from spending time talking to each other too late into the night.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still annoyed that they missed the bus. But I have to think that it could always be much worse.


Thursday, March 27, 2014

SELF magazine, you've lost a fan...

File this under absolutely DISGUSTING behavior.

Those who know me know that I am a runner. I don't wear tutus when I run. I don't usually wear costumes when I run. Does that mean I don't like people who DO wear stuff like that when they run? NO. A great many of my friends do, and I think it's great for them.

After reading this article, I am absolutely FLOORED at the insensitivity of some folks at SELF magazine. I won't be buying that magazine again. Monika Allen, who is a brain cancer survivor, was contacted by the magazine asking for permission to use her photo, which shows her running in the LA Marathon in a Wonder Woman costume wearing a tutu. She was really excited, as anyone would be in that same situation, I'm sure. But what an unpleasant surprise when Allen learned what the magazine actually DID with the picture.

To quote NBC 7 San Diego's website:

The picture appears in a section of the magazine called “The BS Meter," with a caption that refers to a "tutu epidemic" and basically makes fun of the women's outfits, she said.
"A racing tutu epidemic has struck NYC's Central Park, and it's all because people think these froufrou skirts make you run faster," the caption reads. "Now, if you told us they made people run from you faster, maybe we would believe it."


Source: http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Magazine-Makes-Fun-of-Cancer-Survivors-Tutu-252560451.html#ixzz2xAsh6Qao 
Follow us: @nbcsandiego on Twitter | NBCSanDiego on Facebook

How freaking DARE they??? First of all, she makes the tutus herself with her company, Glam Runner, and they donate the proceeds to Girls on the Run, a charity which I strongly support. If that's not awesome enough, the girl ran the marathon while being treated for brain cancer! 


So screw you, SELF Magazine. Take your mockery of someone who DESERVES  POSITIVE RECOGNITION and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.