Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 17 and 15. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Why Ashley Madison customers deserve what's coming to them...

It's been all over the news about the hackers getting all the names, addresses, credit card numbers and other info from Ashley Madison. And to that I say GOOD! Those cheating bastards DESERVE to be outed. Why get married if you're not going to take your wedding vows seriously? Men who cheat on their wives are scum. I am not afraid to state my opinion on that. They are pigs. Why do I feel so strongly about this? Let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time, I had a very dear friend who lived nearby. We spent tons of time together, she and I, watching our children play and drinking wine (us, not our children. What kind of parents do you think we are, anyway?).  Her husband traveled a lot for business and she and I got to be great friends.

One day I was driving home from work and happened to see something odd on her front lawn. It was the type of sign that a realtor puts in someone's yard when they are trying to sell their house. The sign wasn't there, but the sign holder was. So I went to my friend's house and asked 'what the fuck?' She wanted to tell me, but couldn't find the right words. It seems her husband was being transferred to another region, 6 hours away from where we lived, and she just didn't now how to tell me. We cried together, and drank more wine, because......wine. And when the day came for them to leave, we cried some more.

We've continued to keep in touch because we love each other, and not long after they moved, she called to tell me that she was expecting another baby. I was beyond thrilled for her. She called me not long after that to tell me that the baby she was carrying had Downs Syndrome. I was shocked and we talked at length. She said she and her husband had come to terms with it and that they would be fine.

Flash forward to just a few months after the baby was born. She discovered that her loving husband was actually a cheating bastard with an Ashley Madison account. And he had had that account for quite some time. He had set up dates all over the country, every time he would travel. He was getting busy all over the place and made full use of his Ashley Madison account. Needless to say she divorced his sorry ass and I can only hope he's nursing a scorching case of herpes. I also hope he's sweating his ass off over this scandal. He, and every man who cheats on his wife, deserves whatever shit that is about to hit his fan.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Roots and Wings.....

It’s been a really quick summer. Too quick, in fact. Just two short months ago, 17 graduated high school. And in just 18 short days, I’ll be dropping her off at college. What the hell, time? Why are you going by so fast? Remember when I was in labor with her and you moved so damn slowly? I remember that, and I remember thinking “Oh God this is taking forever!!” Well, if I could go back and change that, I would. If I could make the time stand still, I would. But I can’t, and in just 18 days, life as we know it will change forever....

Read the rest of this post at Mamalode, where I'm talking about dropping 17 off at college and trying to keep it together.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

10 Things Younger Than This Popcorn...

My husband was cleaning out the pantry at his parents house last weekend and he sent the girls home with a little care package. Among the various treats were several boxes of popcorn. One in particular caught my attention. Why? Because it's older than my marriage.  By a lot.

You see, we were married in May of 1995. As you can see from this picture, there was a contest on the popcorn box to win tickets to the Super Bowl in 1995, which means the popcorn was actually made sometime in 1994, at least.

Popcorn circa 1994, newspaper dated July 2015. My teeth hurt.
That got me to thinking about this box of popcorn and the many things that came after its creation. So here is a list of things younger than this box of popcorn.

1. My 17 year old daughter who is leaving for college this Sunday. She was born in 1997, at least 3 years after this box of popcorn was put on the shelf.

2. My marriage.

3. Justin Bieber. This box of popcorn is probably older than Justin Bieber, who was born in early 1994. **shudders

4. The Macarena was released the same year as this popcorn. I like the Macarena better than 21 year old popcorn. It's more relevant.

5. The 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta occurred 2 years after this popcorn was put on a shelf.

6. The show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? The popcorn was 5 years old when Regis Philbin asked "Is that your final answer?"

7. Haley Joel Osment saw dead people in The Sixth Sense in 1999, 5 years after Orville made this box of popcorn.

8. Monica Lewinsky had a messy dress thanks to Bill Clinton at least 4 years after this snack sat on a shelf in my in-laws house.

9. My Phillies won the World Series in 2008, quite possibly 14 years after my mother-in-law thought they'd enjoy this tasty, buttery snack.

10. This box of popcorn is older than Danny Bonaduce's short-lived tv talk show, Danny! as well as Michael Jackson's marriage to Lisa Marie Presley.

This is one old-ass box of popcorn. I wonder if it's worth anything? (besides big dental bills for all the broken teeth we'll suffer if we try to eat it)

Considering we just watched Super Bowl 50, Super Bowl 1995 will be in 1445 years. Wonder if this will still be good?

Thursday, July 30, 2015

In the market for college text books? Or a new car?

Hey Snarklings! First of all, do you see that line of sharing icons that appears above this line of text and the title of this post? Yeah, you'll also see another line of sharing icons at the end of this post. Why? Because I'm a dipshit and can't figure out how to get rid of one without getting rid of both. It has to do with HTML code and whenever I look at code I fall asleep. Thank God I'm not a computer programmer because at the mere mention of HTML my eyes get heavy and I start to drool and snore.

I tried to add those share buttons to the bottom of my posts and instead they show up top and bottom. And I can't figure out how to get rid of one of them. If you really love me, you'll overlook the fact that I'm a code-spaz. If you REALLY REALLY love me, you'll share my crap regardless of whether the share buttons are on top or the bottom.

*EDITED: now the share buttons are NOT showing up on the bottom. Which is fine, as long as they show up SOMEWHERE. But I still feel like a dipshidiot for being clueless about code.

Use this link on my sidebar for all your shopping needs and I will buy you a puppy

The point of this post (and I DO have one) is that I'm trying to come up with creative ideas to pay for college and I need your help. If you are going to college, know someone going to college or have a child going to college, you'll know that text books are expensive, yo! Amiright? Last year my girlfriend Hopalong Lisa (an amazing college student, full time worker and mother of 6!) ordered all her college texts using my little Amazon link and in doing so, I received a percentage of that sale. Keep in mind, it wasn't enough to buy dinner for the family but it was enough to buy a Big Mac AND fries.

So if you are in the market for some college text books, a big screen TV or a Lamborghini, please consider using my Amazon.com link on the right side of this page to make your purchases. I would love you forever if you did.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Book signings, fires and donations, oh my!

What up, Snarklings? Very excited to be holding a book signing tonight (for Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee) in our little town of Shepherdstown at the lovely little Four Season Bookstore.  I can't begin to tell you how much I love living in this area of West Virginia. Yes, I mock sometimes but you'll never meet a more kind and generous group of folks.

You see, yesterday there was a devastating fire in Harpers Ferry, which is about a 15 minute drive from my front door. 8 businesses were declared a total loss. Facebook was lit up with stories and our community always comes together in the face of tragedy.

Photo courtesy of The Shepherdstown Chronicle

Businesses immediately put out word that they'd hire folks who may have lost their jobs in the fire, a 5K run has already been organized, and a go fund me campaign was started. That got me to thinking: how can I help? I've got a kid starting college in 2 weeks and I don't have that much extra cash to give. Then it hit me: I'm holding this book signing tonight, why not donate a portion of the proceeds to the relief effort? I contacted the lovely Kendra at Four Seasons and the book story will also donate $1 of the sales, so for each book sold tonight, $3 will be donated to Rebuild and Renew Harpers Ferry. 

If you will be in the Shepherdstown area tonight and would like to attend, I'll have wine and light refreshments and of course, my sparkling wit and charm. If you cannot make it but would like to purchase a book, please go to my FB page and send me a private message and I'll work out the details with you. All orders of physical copies made through this blog post will qualify for the  $2 donation per book sold. I cannot offer this for copies sold for e-readers. Thanks Snarklings!

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

I've got a great face for radio...

UPDATE!!! Here is the link to my segment of the radio show Take Two!!

Hey Snarklings! I'm going to be on the radio today! After I posted about being a part of The Sandwich Generation, the Huffington Post picked up my piece. Someone at the local NPR station, KPCC in Los Angeles saw the story and wanted to have a chat with me. Next thing you know, bada bing, bada boom I'm gonna be on the radio!

Click here to tune in to the show 'Take Two' and then click the "Listen Live" tab at the very top of the page. Do this around 12:30 p.m. EST (I should be on soon after that) and hear what I have to say about being a parent to your children as well as your parents! Tell me what you think once you've heard it. Am I too whiny? Too nasally? Rough? Smooth?

Do you have your own story about parenting your parents? Share it with me!

Monday, July 13, 2015

The Mike Rowe interview in its 7-part entirety...

What up, Snarklings? In honor of it being just over a  year since I put all of the pieces of my Mike Rowe interview together, and because there are MANY more of you now, I'm bringing back this post from last summer. I hope you enjoy watching this interview as much as I enjoyed doing it.


Happy weekend, Snarklings. Feeling lazy today, and although I've got a butt-load of stuff I need to get done, I'm sitting at my computer thinking of opening up The Netflix and catching up on the last few seasons of Bones. I said I was thinking about doing that. I'm not really going to. What I AM going to do is put all 7 parts of my interview with Mike Rowe up for your viewing pleasure, because if I'm feeling lazy and not very productive, I'm going to guess that I'm not the only one. I'm thinking that there might be 116 or so of you who may want to go back with me and re-watch the whole thing from start to finish. So without further ado, I present to you all 7 video clips of my unedited, uncut and totally fun interview with Mike Rowe. Enjoy.

Oh, and check out what Mike had to say about the interview!!