Tuesday Tirade.

"Cancer sucks. I wish cancer would get cancer and die."

Those were the words of my 13 year old baby, who lost her Godfather yesterday to cancer. Yes, baby, cancer really does suck. It sucks a lot. I hate cancer. Her Godfather was a very special man. He and his wife of 50+ years are my husband's best friend's parents. They were like second parents to my husband, and when we met and married, they treated me like the daughter they never had. And when my daughters were born, they treated those girls like their own granddaughters, spoiling them (and us) rotten. They were honored when we asked them to be 13's Godparents.

Then, we got a call about 12 or so years ago: Bill had suffered a heart attack and without a heart transplant, he'd most certainly die. My baby wasn't even 3 years old, and we were beside ourselves. Here's a crazy twist of fate that I always say was something that was meant to be: I was very close friends with one of my old customers, Ed, from my casino days in Atlantic City. We had known one another for years, and Ed and his wife were at our wedding, Ed danced with me, he was kind and very generous, and he passed away in June the year after Bill had his heart attack. A month later, on what would have been Ed's birthday, July 10, we got a call that a heart had been found for Bill. Call me crazy, call me whatever you want, but I strongly believe that when Ed died, he went up and had a little heart to heart with God, and he told God that Bill should stick around on Earth for awhile. And Ed found a heart for Bill. Shut up, this is what I believe.

Anyway, Bill had lived on an LVAD for over a year, so the heart transplant surgery was very touch and go, but in the end, Bill survived and we had an extra decade or so with him, thanks to that amazing person who agreed to donate his vital organs. (PSA, if you're not already, please consider being an organ donor)

Flash forward to last Christmas. Bill was diagnosed with that awful, horrible disease. The prognosis was not good. His options were extremely limited. Surgery would not work, his body was not strong enough. Chemo was the best route, but the most physically harmful to his already frail body. Doing nothing was the last option, just letting the cancer take him. Bill decided to go with chemo, but in the end, it did more harm than good, and we lost him yesterday. My baby lost her Godfather, my husband lost his second father, I lost a good friend and the world lost a great man. Kind, generous, funny as hell with a deadpan delivery. Always giving my husband, 'Beeb', a hard time about anything and everything. Bill and I used to love to pick on my husband, and he would just laugh and take it in stride.

So I'm saddened that we've lost such a great friend and I'm mad as hell that cancer has taken yet another person that I love. Yes, baby, cancer does suck. It sucks the joy out of living. It sucks hard. I'm so sorry that he won't ever be here to watch you walk down the aisle, and give your future husband a hard time like he gives your daddy, because we both know he'd do that. I'm sorry he'll never get to meet your own babies, I know he would've loved that. I remember when he held you in his arms when you were a baby, and I'm so sorry that cancer has taken him from us. From you. From his wife Pat, from his sons, Bill, Steve and Greg and from his grandson Billy.

I have to hope that my friend Ed was waiting for Bill at the pearly gates of heaven, and that Bill shook his hand and thanked Ed for giving helping to give him a few extra years with us.

Prepping for Summer Giveaway!!

Hey Snarklings, I'm back from the beach and am slathered in aloe to soothe the burn. That leads me to wonder, have you started Prepping for Summer yet???

No???

Well you'd better start!  It's coming quick.



Swimsuits, vacations, barbeques...  We're ready to help you get ready!

Yes, We!

I've teamed up with some amazing bloggers / friends to put together a great Prepping for Summer items.

What can you win?  Well let me tell you....

Money for essentials....A $25 Visa Gift Card
from My Daily Jenn-ism

Something to help with this winter weight....It Works! wrap

from Get Skinny with Roni

A cookbook to prepare for company.....
Carrie's Experimental Kitchen - A Collection of Mediterranean Inspired Family Recipes Cook Book
from Carrie's Experimental Kitchen

Something for Cocktails....Party Bullet by Magic Bullet

from Funny Postpartum Lady and Story of a Girl

Reading material for the beach...I Just Want to Pee Alone & Life Well Blogged books
from Snarkfest

Enter by clicking in the box below!  Good Luck :)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please see enter, enter, enter!!  Tell your friends, tell your family, tell the kid that moves the shopping carts back into the store... Tell everyone!!!

** DISCLAIMER **
Must reside in the US. Must be 18 or older to enter. Must have a valid shipping address, No PO boxes. Must respond to the winning notification email within 48 hours or another winner will be announced. 

Tirade Tuesday...one day late.

I'm going to start off today's blog post with a request. Please do NOT shop at Abercrombie and Fitch. By now, I'm sure all 3 of you kind and dedicated Snarklings have read this article about how the CEO of the company is a fucking asshole. If you haven't, by all means, go read it. I'll wait.

Now that you've seen what a douchebag he is, have a look at his ugly, plastic-surgery-enhanced face:

How dare he??? This guy makes Ron Perlman look like George Clooney. Seriously, how fucking DARE he? I hate him and all that he stands for. Anything over a size 10 is too fat to shop at his stores?? Who in the world does he think he is?? Oh there aren't enough insulting names on the planet for this twatwaffle. Suffice it to say, I hope he loses his job, his wife runs away with the CEO of Lane Bryant, his dog gets bitten by a rabid raccoon, then bites him and he gets rabies, then his penis falls off, followed by a fatal case of chicken pox. Aside from that, I wish him nothing but the best.

Much has been said, written, blogged, screamed or spoken about this fucktard so I'm not going to go on. I COULD, because that's how mad I was when I read what he had the audacity to say, but I'm going to end it here and hope that his sales plummet, his stores all go out of business and he's sued by every employee he has, and that he ends up penniless on the street, pushing a shopping cart from Piggly Wiggly around all day wearing a bathrobe and mismatched slippers, collecting cans for recycling to try to scrape together enough money for another Botox injection.

But I'm not bitter.

Towpath the coverdog!

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!"

You folks know I love my boy Towpath, the dog that was found last summer on the C&O Canal Towpath (hence the name). He was badly burned and left for dead when my friends Will and Kathy found him. They nursed him back to health and he is a thriving young pup today. He is, short of my own two dogs, one of my very favorite pups on the planet and he's in a contest to be featured as a coverdog. Who better to represent dogs everywhere than this little fighter? There isn't much time left in the contest, and it's one of those FB things where you have to allow them some access, so if you're not comfortable with that, that's totally fine. But if you don't mind, Towpath would love it if you'd go and vote for him to win!

UPDATE!!!!
The Miracle 

If anyone is old enough to remember the superhorse Secretariat running away from the field in the 1973 Belmont Stakes—a stunning, otherworldly performance in which that magnificent red creature put 31 lengths between him and his nearest contender, lengthening the lead even as he crossed the finish line—you’ll begin to understand the awe with which we watched Towpath run away with the Novadog vote this morning. Which, to ditch the horseracing metaphor (especially given the ridiculous physical comparison to our stubby hero), is actually our fumbling attempt at beginning to say thanks to the unstoppable community that is you, and to your heroic support of our heroic little soul, Towpath. Between 8 this morning, and noon when the contest ended, Towpath’s champions put up nearly 800 more votes—all but equalling his tally from the previous 18 days. In those four hours, he went from nearly a dead heat with his closest rival, to a seven-hundred vote lead. Who would have ever dreamt this of a dog once burned to within an inch of his life? We’re still shaking our heads with mouths agape, and blinking in disbelief. 

Oh, yes, the bottom line: Towpath is the new Novadog Cover-Dog! (Sound of cheers, popping of champagne corks, and tooting of party horns.) 

We can’t possibly give enough thanks, but we can assure everyone that Towpath’s path is now even further cemented as that of ambassador for the abused. And not to forget that this was, after all, to further the good work of WHS (Washington Humane Society). There were more than a hundred other deserving dogs in this contest, and hundreds of thousands out there that need a lot more of our love and care. 

To those of you so generous as to have shared our campaign with those outside our immediate Facebook network, please pass our thanks to them as well. You and they are all invited to keep up with Towpath at www.facebook.com/towpath.thewonderpup And please also convey our open invitation to all our furred friends and their families for a good romp together. 

Will and Kathy and Towpath

Inspiration...

Where do you get your inspiration? Your inspiration to do whatever you set your mind out to do. Do you draw it from your family? From your friends? God? Inspiration can come from so many places/people/things. I can tell you that I was overwhelmed this past weekend and inspired in a way that's really hard to put into words. But I'm going to try because it was amazing.

I ran two races this past weekend in Frederick, MD, the name for the series is the Nut Job. Very appropriate, considering it was the Twilight 5K on Saturday evening followed by a half marathon on Sunday. Check out the bling we got for running both races. It's official, I'm a nut job and have the medal to prove it:

On Saturday, prior to our 5K, they held a kids' fun run. There were children of all ages running this race.  I'm a huge proponent of kids' runs because not only do they get kids up and moving, but they also motivate kids to want to stay active. If they have parents that run, it motivates them to want to do the same. No one should be immune to fun and exercise. No one. No matter their race, creed, color, religious or political beliefs and especially any health issues they may have. I say this because we saw the most amazing, inspiring thing any of us had ever seen at the end of that kids' fun run.

As we watched children of all shapes, ages and sizes run across the finish line, one little boy caught all of our eyes, and we watched this little boy, who was about 2 or 3 years old, holding his dad's hand, and in the other hand, he held a white cane. The kind of cane a blind person uses. That's right, this little boy was blind, and yet, he was running a race. All five of us looked at one another and we all filled up with tears. There wasn't a dry eye among us. Our friend Sharon said it best: Good for his parents. Good for them for getting him out there at such a young age and showing him that he can do anything he sets his mind to do. We applauded as they ran across the finish line and his dad scooped him up in to his arms and the boy hugged him tightly.

Those parents are doing him such a great favor by not limiting him because of his blindness. They are showing him that blindness shouldn't keep him from participating in all the exciting things life has to offer, that he can go out and do things not because of his blindness but in spite of it.

So the next time someone tells you, "no, I can't do that", ask them why not? If a blind 3 year old can run a race, why can't you do something that's out of your box? That boy was my inspiration to run my best this weekend. And I'll think of him every I face a difficult challenge, because at least I can SEE that challenge ahead of me. He doesn't have that luxury. Just some special parents and some amazing determination.

Here's the crew of us, up in the grandstands, before we all started crying:

Denise, Me, Gina, Mindy and Sharon.

Mother's Day is coming soon!!!

Happy May 1st, Snarklings!  And what a beautiful May Day it is here in the Eastern Panhandle of West (by God) Virginia. Sunny, warm(ish), birds are singing outside my window, it's awesome! Just 11 more shopping days left until Mother's Day. In a bind? Not sure what to get for Mom for her special day? How about a copy of I Just Want to Pee Alone? What Mom wouldn't want this hilarious book for Mother's Day? Or for something different, how about a copy of Parenting Gag Reel? I'm in that book as well, in Chapter 9! Yep, I'm in 2 different books this year!

You can purchase both books on Amazon.com OR you can purchase them right here on the old Snarkfest Blog. Just click here to take you to the page where my books are available to buy. I'm also offering a special for Mother's Day! (go ahead, get excited, I'll wait). You can order BOTH books from me, personalized, using PayPal and only pay $25. That includes shipping! Wow. Such a deal!

For both the books personalized and mailed to you, click the link to PayPal below.

What do you say? Mother's Day is coming up and all Mothers could use a good laugh. These books are FULL of fun and laughter. Go make your Mother happy.

Tuesday Tirade

No, I'm not starting a weekly event. Just a few things to get off my chest on this dreary Tuesday morning. First of all, what is it with the internet? I'm sitting at home this morning watching Bones on Netflix (Bones is my latest obsession, by the way. I'm on season 4 episode 1) and with just 2 minutes left in the show, my damn internet stops working. What. The. Hell?? So thank you, internet gods, for pissing me off.

Courtesy toptvshows.net

Next up, clothes on the floor. Seriously. I realize that there are gajillions of starving people in Africa but I'mma let Bob Geldoff handle that for right now. My concern is the continuous pile of dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. Why? Why are they always there? Why do I have to ask EVERY. EFFING. DAY for them to be removed. Wouldn't you think that after hearing me drone on forever about it, she'd just be like, 'oh, look at those clothes of  mine on the bathroom floor, do I really want to listen to mom whine and bitch and moan YET AGAIN?? No, this time I'll put them in the hamper and maybe she'll give me some positive reinforcement instead of the constant droning on about them being on the floor.' Nope, never gonna happen. Sucks to be me.

Image courtesy cppeoplemedia.com
She looks this way because she probably had a huge brood of kids who constantly
had to be told to pick up their dirty clothes off the bathroom floor. Kids, this is me in  20 years.

While we're on the topic of my offspring, how about data? That's right. Data. Data on a phone that's NOT supposed to have ANY data capability. I bought stupid phones, not smart phones, but my kids have somehow managed to turn a stupid phone INTO a smart phone and in the process, ended up costing me almost $160 extra over the last 4 months. They started off small. Just a slight increase in cell phone charges, which I chalked up to maybe extra taxes or something, until last month's bill was WELL over $95 higher than normal. When I logged onto the phone company's website and checked it out, there's been overages of data EVER MONTH since January. On phones that aren't even supposed to USE data!!! Turns out they've been receiving Tweets from Twitter directly to their cell phones. "But mom, THAT'S not using data!!!" Well, if THAT'S not using data, obviously SOMETHING is. So I did what any overpaying, underappreciated mom would do. I disabled Tweets to their phones. But guess what. SOMEBODY went back and UN-DISABLED my disabling. Did you follow that? Let's just say the Tweets were enabled again. Let's also say that NOW, said child no longer has the capability of doing ANYTHING on that phone other than talking or texting.......and texting is hanging on a very precariously steep slope and could go at any minute. Can you imagine what's going to happen when my child actually has to start.....gulp......TALKING on  CELL PHONE??? What will she do with her thumbs without texting? Maybe her thumbs will get fat from lack of exercise?

Old school phone. Next step: Smoke signals

So anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel much better now. Maybe I'll do this again next Tuesday. Or not. We shall see. Until next time, Snarklings..........