Hello...........It's me

The one who hasn't had an original idea since the early 80's.  When I was younger and free.

Okay I'll stop now. But seriously, the holidays have come and gone, as has my college freshman. We dropped her off this past weekend and now it's time to take down the decorations and put the holidays away for another year.

In other news, we've had this awful smell coming from the basement, and we're fairly certain that something died down there. The stench has slowly started to dissipate, thankfully, because I was this close to calling a priest to perform an exorcism down there. Because damn. The problem is that our basement is a catchall. Don't know what to do with something? Throw it in the basement, we'll deal with it later. And now the basement could pass for the latest episode of Hoarders.  So locating the offending odor has been difficult.

The world is mourning the loss of David Bowie today. One of my dear friends was a huge Bowie fan when I was in high school and I hold her responsible for helping to shape my musical tastes. I went to my very first concert with her at JFK Stadium in Philly where we saw Madness and The Police. This was in August of 1983. I blame her for making me a concert whore. She also took me to my first Duran Duran concert in March of 1984. So when we all heard the news of Bowie's passing, my thoughts went to her because she was such a fan.

What else is new? Oh yeah, I've started getting back to running and trying to get myself into a shape other than round. You'd be proud of me: Since the beginning of January I've run over 26 miles. I'll run the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon in May like I do every year, but my running goal for 2016 is to run the Freedoms Run Full Marathon in October. That race is 16 miles of flat ground on the C&O Canal followed by about 5 miles of nothing but ugly ass hills. Good times.  But I totally need this goal because.... my ass.

I recently hosted Norine of Science of Parenthood for my annual Moms Night Out, only this time it was a book tour that brought the moms out. Norine and her writing partner Jessica are promoting their new book, which is very cool. I met these two funny ladies at BlogU14 where they were voted "Most Likely to get a Book Deal". And now they have a book deal! I'm hoping at this year's blogging conference, BlogU16 I'll be voted "Most Likely to be Hired as Mike Rowe's Close Personal Assistant". Hey, a girl can dream, right?

So now you're pretty much all caught upon what's been happening at Casa Snarkfest. Bear with me as I find my voice again. I'm sure it's there, it's probably just buried under boxes of Christmas decorations. Until then, Happy 2016 folks!

Don't go in there, it's dark!

I'm talking about my mind. It's a very scary place! So filled with hidden compartments, drawers full of wise-ass comments, closets full of useless knowledge and containers overflowing with witty retorts. Yeah, there's a lot going on in there. And this week, it's just been nearly impossible to get all my thoughts together to form a coherent sentence, let alone hold a grown-up conversation. But I'm gonna give it the old college try.

Last week would qualify as a rough one. This past weekend was insane, and it didn't slow down any as Monday came. And I missed a very important milestone. May 14 marked Snarkfest's one year anniversary. I wrote my very first blog about swimsuit shopping with my girls and posted it on May 14. Since then, things have happened that I never could've dreamed about. I'm included in not one but two books, I've got over 100 people who follow my blog, I've got over 1600 Facebook fans of my Snarkfest page, and best of all, both of my kids still like me (as far as I know, have you heard anything different??) So that one snuck by me without any pomp or circumstance. But I'm totally okay with that. I'll have a party another time and celebrate.

Friday, we said goodbye to Bill. It was one of those perfect spring days. Warm, sunny, clear skies. How I wish he were there with us. But we said our goodbyes with a military honor guard at his grave site. My own amazing daughter 15 played 'Taps' while the honor guard folded the American flag draped across his casket, and his grandson Billy presented the flag to Bill's wife Pat. It was such a moving experience and I know that Bill would've been so proud of the kids.

The girls and I had to head home because Evil Joy came to visit me for the weekend! Evil Joy is a shit ton of awesome. We had such a great weekend together! First, she accompanied me on Friday night to Kazu, our little Thai restaurant in town where we met up with Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Teresa the amazing and talented (and HOT) PT, the awesome Alicia Stefann of Naps Happen (who was cool enough to brave rush hour traffic to join us for dinner and the book signing), the beautiful, phenomenal photographer Kelley Craig of Kelley Craig Photography, and the fantastic and adorable super nurse Monique. We enjoyed a delish dinner (and much much wine) before heading down to Four Seasons Bookstore where a crowd of about 40+ people showed up to hear Alicia and I read an excerpt from the Pee book and Parenting Gag Reel. I was and am still very much overwhelmed at the support I continue to get from my fantastic friends and neighbors here in town. I truly felt like a rock star that night. The party continued at my house after we closed down the bookstore, and much much wine was consumed there.

Alicia Stefann, left, from Naps Happen, and your old friend Snarky on the right

Saturday it was time to sober up and for Evil Joy, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho and I to travel down to Fredericksburg, VA to pick up our race packets for the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon. We absolutely LOVE this race. Good God there are Marines on every corner. For God sake, it's like a 'hot man in uniform buffet'.

From left to right, Hot Marine, Hot Marine, Snarky, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Hot Marine, Pretty Marine, Hot Marine

The weather was overcast and misty but not hot (unless you're Evil Joy, who may have said once or twice or several thousand times that it was, in fact, hot) and for the most part, there was no rain. We finished the race, got our medals, got our free beer and found our buddies, Wendell and his dad Wendell, Sr. who participate in this race every year in matching Hawaiian shirts. Got our pic taken again with them and then we moved on to the finish line where we cheered the runners as they ran through the final stretch of the race.

Wendell Sr., Lisa Nazi the Crack Ho, Snarky, Wendell, Jr.

On the drive back after showers and a ginormous breakfast, we hit a few wineries (in Northern VA, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a dozen wineries, although I'm not sure why anyone would actually WANT to swing a dead cat but that's a blog for another day).

Evil Joy, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Snarky

I'm not going to lie to you. This weekend was definitely an emotional roller coaster, filled with the lowest of lows and yet the highest of highs. And just when I thought I could relax, even for a bit, it was time to drive Evil Joy back to the train station to get her train back to the airport. On the way back, I had to pee, so I stopped at a Dunkin Donuts in an office building. Here's the uber-creepy part! (yes, there's an uber-creepy part to my weekend) Dunkin Donuts Dude gives me the key (because the bathroom isn't actually IN the donut shop, it's shared with the people in the office building) and tells me where to go. I follow his direction, unlock the bathroom door and fumble for the light switch, because it was pitch black in the bathroom. Boom: flip on the lights, walk into one of the two stalls in the room and thought I heard a noise. So now I'm stopped dead in my tracks because I'm in a locked bathroom where the lights were out and am hearing weirdness. Then I heard it again. THERE IS SOMEONE IN THE STALL NEXT TO ME. IN A LOCKED BATHROOM. WHO WAS IN THERE BEFORE I GOT IN. SITTING IN THE DARK. Moooooooommmmyyyy!!!!!!!! You never in your life saw someone pee, pull up, flush, wash and get the hell outta Dodge so flipping fast!! I was done before they even flushed. Naturally, I needed a donut to calm my nerves (don't judge).

To top off the end of a very long four day weekend, I was co-chair person for 15's band banquet. There are 140+ kids in the band. Plus their families, so we fully expected over 400 people to attend this year's banquet. Next year, if the band continues to grow in size, I think we should have the banquet in Vegas. How cool would THAT be? Anyway, I digress (for a change?) the banquet was a huge success, I believe everyone had fun, ate way too much and left feeling good.

And here it is, Wednesday. Things finally seem to have settled down in Snark-world. Until this weekend. Phillies vs. Nationals in DC. Saturday AND Sunday. To quote Ferris Buehler, "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

Have you got 9 minutes? I'll make it worth your while.

We finally got the link to our interview on News Channel 8's morning show "Let's Talk Live" with Melanie and Natasha. Remember when I told you that Julie (from Rants from Mommyland), Bethany (from I Love Them Most When They're Sleeping) and I were headed down to DC to do an interview about the Pee Book?   Well here is a link to the actual interview! I wasn't really just making it up! If you've got 9 minutes to spare, you can hear all about how we believe Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat is actually an old Russian man with candy in his pants, or how Bethany's family is ready to disown her.

Click here for our interview.

I would LOVE your feedback. Yes, that's right, positive or negative, give it to me. I can handle it.

Next up, I want to say a huge THANK GOD and I LOVE YOU to Lisa, my running partner, who was in Boston yesterday. She was in the area between where the bombs went off for about 7 hours waiting for our friend Diane to cross the finish line. She and their party left that area just 10 minutes before the bombs went off. So THANK YOU DIANE for being a fucking Speedy Gonzales, because 10 minutes could've been the difference between happiness and grief. Thank you, too, to all the first responders, volunteers and medical staff who ran to help those injured or worse just after the blasts. Thank you to all the runners and their family and friends who ran to the hospitals to donate blood. And thank you to the rest of the country for sending their love and support to the folks up in Boston.

I'm running 2 half marathons next month. One in Frederick MD and the other in Fredericksburg, VA. The second one is one I've done for 4 years now. It's one of my favorite half marathons because it's the Marine Corps Historic Half. Am I intimidated by what happened in Boston? No, I am not. Am I determined NOT to let fear of what could be ruin my life?  You bet. I am not ruled by fear. My Irish is up, I'm pissed, and I'm not going to let the actions of one or two sick assholes dictate the way I live my life.

Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest, stay tuned because I'm doing ANOTHER giveaway this week! I'll be putting up another Rafflecopter for 4 (count 'em FOUR) downloads of the new book Parenting Gag Reel! Stay tuned, the Rafflecopter link will be up shortly!