Hello...........It's me

The one who hasn't had an original idea since the early 80's.  When I was younger and free.

Okay I'll stop now. But seriously, the holidays have come and gone, as has my college freshman. We dropped her off this past weekend and now it's time to take down the decorations and put the holidays away for another year.

In other news, we've had this awful smell coming from the basement, and we're fairly certain that something died down there. The stench has slowly started to dissipate, thankfully, because I was this close to calling a priest to perform an exorcism down there. Because damn. The problem is that our basement is a catchall. Don't know what to do with something? Throw it in the basement, we'll deal with it later. And now the basement could pass for the latest episode of Hoarders.  So locating the offending odor has been difficult.

The world is mourning the loss of David Bowie today. One of my dear friends was a huge Bowie fan when I was in high school and I hold her responsible for helping to shape my musical tastes. I went to my very first concert with her at JFK Stadium in Philly where we saw Madness and The Police. This was in August of 1983. I blame her for making me a concert whore. She also took me to my first Duran Duran concert in March of 1984. So when we all heard the news of Bowie's passing, my thoughts went to her because she was such a fan.

What else is new? Oh yeah, I've started getting back to running and trying to get myself into a shape other than round. You'd be proud of me: Since the beginning of January I've run over 26 miles. I'll run the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon in May like I do every year, but my running goal for 2016 is to run the Freedoms Run Full Marathon in October. That race is 16 miles of flat ground on the C&O Canal followed by about 5 miles of nothing but ugly ass hills. Good times.  But I totally need this goal because.... my ass.

I recently hosted Norine of Science of Parenthood for my annual Moms Night Out, only this time it was a book tour that brought the moms out. Norine and her writing partner Jessica are promoting their new book, which is very cool. I met these two funny ladies at BlogU14 where they were voted "Most Likely to get a Book Deal". And now they have a book deal! I'm hoping at this year's blogging conference, BlogU16 I'll be voted "Most Likely to be Hired as Mike Rowe's Close Personal Assistant". Hey, a girl can dream, right?

So now you're pretty much all caught upon what's been happening at Casa Snarkfest. Bear with me as I find my voice again. I'm sure it's there, it's probably just buried under boxes of Christmas decorations. Until then, Happy 2016 folks!

Can Someone Please Explain??

How in the WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS is Kim Kraptrashian even relevant? I seriously do NOT understand how she or any of the rotting fruit in her family tree are relevant. Even my teenage daughters don't get why these assbags constantly make the news. One of them bought a ridiculously priced mansion, it made the news and both of my daughters were incredulous. "WHY does anyone care?? What do they actually DO???" I don't get it either babe. I really don't.

Moving on, does anybody REALLY believe that Ronan Farrow is truly the offspring of Woody Allen?  Seriously, how dumb do they think we are. If  you have no clue what I'm talking about, stay with me.

Hollywood would have you believe that Ronan Farrow:

....came from the loins of Woody Allen????:

Excuse me for one second....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay I'm back. I'm not telling any tales when I say that Mia Farrow had an affair while she was still married to Woody Allen, and she had a baby that 'may possibly be the biological son of Frank Sinatra'. Um, ya think?? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles are both wondering why anyone believes that Woody Allen is Ronan's dad.

Here's another thing I just can't wrap my brain around: Teenage smoking. Now when I was a teenager (back when dinosaurs  roamed the earth and the internet was just a gleam in Al Gore's eye), teens thought it was cool to smoke. Not me, because my mother always told me I was allergic to cigarettes and if I started smoking I would die (good job Mom!). But I had lots of friends who smoked. Didn't really bother me all that much. And a pack of cigarettes didn't require you to take out a second mortgage on your house. But today? Cigarettes are twice as expensive as a gallon of gas. and it's not just a myth that cigarettes cause cancer, it's a proven fact. People. Die. So WHY in the WORLD do kids still think it's cool to start smoking?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?? STOP that! Stop that right now! Save your money for gas, or to put your parents in a home, but for the love of all that's holy, DON'T SMOKE!! YOU. WILL. DIE.

And I'm off the soapbox.

Let me tell you something else that completely confuses the shit out of me. Aging. I'm going to be 48 this year. I've got grey hair that's extremely color resistant. I've got aches, my teeth are failing me, my eyesight sucks and I'm knocking on the door to menopause. HOWEVER, I don't FEEL like I'm going to be 48. When I was a kid, 30 was old. 40 was near death and if you hit 50 you should probably grow out your beard and go live in a mountaintop cave and dole out sage advice in between naps.

But now that I'm thisclose to 50, none of this makes sense to me. I curse like a truck driver (thanks to my Dad, who WAS, in fact, a truck driver), I am active (sort of), I love to hang out and party with my girlfriends, my taste in music is ridiculously diverse (the music on my running playlist ranges from Duran Duran to Eminem, Afrika Bambaataa to Bruno Mars (oddly enough, I just checked Wiki for the correct spelling of Afrika Bambaataa and found out that his real name is Kevin Donovan. Put that on the list of shit I don't get.) I love those Imagine Dragons. And I also love swing music, the Mills Brothers and The Platters.

Anyway, my point is, I thought at close to 50 I'd be more... old. But I don't feel that way now. I still like to laugh at inappropriate stuff, I listen to today's music (damn you Taylor Swift) and enjoy (most of) it. I know who is who in One Direction and I love that my daughters inherited the 'love of concerts' gene from me. Live music keeps me young, does that make sense? Yes, these days I DO need earplugs when attending concerts but that's because I want to be able to hear the phone ring or my kids talking to me after a concert.

Getting old really has me confused, between how I ACT and how I think I'm SUPPOSED to act.

One last thing and I'll let you get on with your life. WHY do singers feel the need to ruin perfectly good songs by inviting a rapper to come in and shit on their relatively decent material? You have a perfectly good song. You have a perfectly fine group. Why do they feel the need to sprinkle a little rap shit into the mix and ruin what could otherwise be a catchy tune? And does ANYONE really say "a catchy tune" anymore??

What about you? Do you have any explanations for these things about which I've written? Can you help a sister out? Am I young at heart? Am I just old and am not ready to accept it?

Snarkfest's Funky Running Playlist

I've been running a lot more lately to get this weight off (again) and thought I'd share with you, my dear Snarklings, my running playlist. I've got the strangest taste in music, and I'm sure after reading this list, you'll be all like, "WTF, Snarky? Who the hell listens to that anymore??" Well me, that's who. Prepare to....
scratch your head and wonder what the hell I'm thinking when you see my playlist.

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga  I remember doing a Zumba routine to this song when I went to Zumba with Aaron at our gym. Trust me, I don't break out into my Zumba routine when I'm running. You're welcome, running partners.

Dance With Me Tonight - Olly Murs  It's a fun, upbeat song. I like fun, upbeat when I run.

Everybody Dance Now - C&C Music Factory  I LOVE me some 90's dance tunes. And when I hear it, I speed up just thinking about Vince Vaughn doing the choreographed routine in Old School to this song.

Lose Yourself - Eminem  Nothing gets me more pumped than this song when I start out running. And yes, when I hear this, I rap right along with Em. (I call him Em, we're close like that)

I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull  Another great song from Zumba with Aaron. THIS is one I always want to stop running and start Zumba'ing to, but for the sake of everyone else I'm running with, I don't. Again, you're welcome.

Word Up - Cameo  Oh how I love this song. I used to have it as my ringtone but I got tired of just hearing the first few seconds of it. Momma, come on baby tell me what's the word, the word up!

Turn This Mutha Out - MC Hammer   Don't be dissing the Hammer. You know if this song was playing right now, you'd be jamming.

Til I Forget About You - Big Time Rush  Don't hate me, I've got teens, it's their fault, they got me hooked.

Sir Duke - Stevie Wonder  IMO, one of the best Stevie Wonder songs EVER. I play a mean air trumpet ESPECIALLY when I'm running!

Rappers Delight - Sugar Hill Gang  Shut up, I love them

Night Boat to Cairo - Madness  I'm a HUGE Madness fan and this song always gets me moving fast, probably because it's a really peppy song

Jump Around - House of Pain  I'm telling you, I dig this song so hard. I look forward to this song coming on every time I run and when I do, I'm a happy running fool. Jump up, jump up and get down.

Iko Iko - The Belle Stars  I liked Rain Man, you got a problem with that??

White Horse - Laid Back  If you wanna be rich, you got to be a bitch. This song is an instant classic.

Supersonic - J.J. Fad   How can you not smile when you hear the 3 chicks beat-boxing??

Shock the Monkey - Peter Gabriel  Come on, this song. Hard driving beat, drums thumping, monkeys falling out of trees. It's got everything.

Apache - Sugar Hill Gang  See Rappers Delight, repeat

Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-A-Lot  Shut up, you know you love this one. Admit it, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung

Bye Bye Bye - N'Sync  Justin Timberlake before he had to go and bring sexy back. And those other 4 guys who sang with him. I have to fight the urge to jump on the down beats

The Final Countdown - Europe  CRAZY good song. EPIC song. The opening synth is so hot it gets my blood pumping, which really does help with a long run

Thrift Shop - Macklemore  What what, what what? No, these are NOT my grandad's clothes. The sax on this song makes me happy, and when I'm happy, I run faster

Live Like We're Young - One Direction  See Til I Forget About You (it's those kids!!)

It Takes Two - Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock  Have you figured out yet that I'm a huge fan of the late 80's and 90's dance stuff? Cuz this shit's da bomb when I'm slowing down, tired and in need of a boost.

Gotta Keep Them Separated - The Offspring  This is the story of my two darling kids. And it's got a fast beat, which helps

Far From Over - Frank Stallone  Give me any shit about this song and I'll have his brother Sylvester beat you up. This is a good motivating song when you're tired. SAVE ME DARLING! I am down but I am far from over!!

Blame the Machines - Duran Duran  You knew you couldn't get away without at least one Duran Duran song on my list, didn't you? This is from their last album and has a great, fast beat

Everybody Walk the Dinosaur - Was Not Was  Yes. Yes I like this song. I like it very much.

Headstrong - Trapt  I like a good headbanging song every so often. Makes me appreciate the dance tunes that much more when they come on.

I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones  Bah bah bah bah, bah bah bah bah bah, I wish this run was over

Planet Rock - Afrika Bambaataa & The Soulsonic Force  This, IMO, is the ULTIMATE 80's song, I've always loved it and I always will love it and if it doesn't come on while I'm running, I put it on when I'm cooling down. That's how much I love it

So there you have it, Snarklings. That is just a handful of the plethora of songs I have on my phone that I enjoy listening to when I run. Some of them you may like, some you may hate, some you may not have ever heard before, but they are all mine and I love 'em all.

What are YOUR running songs? Workout songs? Zumba songs? Lying on the couch eating Oreos songs?