With a Little Help From My Friends....

I have the most amazing group of girlfriends. We lovingly refer to one another as BITCH, but it HAS to be capitalized. Otherwise it's just an insult. We met over 10 years ago on the internet. Yes. We met online. We've been with one another through weddings, baby showers, divorces, new relationships, crushes, and concerts. Lots and lots of concerts.

We are Duranies. Or Durannies, sometimes I forget whether there is one 'n' or two. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that we love one another and have built a lasting bond.

I had 13 of them at my house last weekend. Duran Duran was performing at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC and since I'm the closest to DC, I asked everyone who could make it to come to my house for the weekend. We'd hang out, party, go to the concert and eat at Waffle House. Naturally.

The first to arrive Thursday night was Spammy from Pittsburgh. She was soon followed by Jen B from Florida. At midnight, Erin from Massachusetts arrived, followed at 1:00 a.m. by the Ohio/Chicago/Milwaukee contingent, JenB (not the Florida JenB, let's call her Ma Bell), Mindy, Gracie, Sarah, Heather and Carrie. On Friday, Lorrie from Virginia arrived in time for us to get in the cars and drive to the Metro Station, where we met Fred and Mims.

We all boarded the Red Line for DC. We ate dinner at Matchbox (if you've never eaten there, I HIGHLY recommend doing so. Trust me, you won't be disappointed). Then we headed over to the Verizon Center for the show..

Did you know that they remove the caps from your drinks so you cannot bring them into the venue? We bought bottled water (for the same amount of money I spend on groceries in a week) to take inside and they took the caps. (I actually sweet talked the lady into sneaking mine back to me, and this lady that was standing next to me tried to reach for it and grab it. So I shot her)

Nile Rodgers and Chic opened for Duran Duran and they BLEW THE ROOF OFF THE BUILDING. No lie, they were so musically tight and sounded so amazing, it was 45 minutes of pure music heaven. They set the bar WAY high for Duran Duran.

When our band did come onstage and start singing, Simon LeBon sounded very strained. It's very early in the tour and he is having way too much trouble hitting the high notes.They did the standard songs that every casual fan (but no self-respecting hard core fan gives a shit about) wants to hear: Rio, Girls on Film, Hungry Like the Wolf (that last one is my "I have to pee" song) and some new songs off of their latest CD, Paper Gods. But the highlight for me was when they did Too Much Information. I cannot remember if I've ever heard them sing that song live, and I've seen them more than 2 dozen times. ROCKED. IT. OUT. It was fantastic. Overall the show was amazing and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

When we got home, we ate the most delicious cake made by our Duranie baker, Carrie. The best part? The frosting. Happy Birthday Lorrie. Thanks for letting some of us have a little of your cake, BITCH.

The last Duranie chick to arrive was Joelle. She got the house around 3:00 in the morning on Saturday. My dogs had NO idea why all these crazy women were at our house and kept wondering why we weren't going to sleep. NO SLEEP ON DURANIE WEEKEND! Ok SOME sleep, but not much.

Saturday morning we got up and had cake for breakfast. We polished that thing off quickly. After showers and packing up, we hit Waffle House and sadly had to say goodbye to half the crew as they headed back to parts west. Lorrie left later in the afternoon and then after naps Saturday evening, we had dinner and played Cards Against Humanity with some of my Shepherdstown Besties, Luddy, Susan and of course, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho.

Sunday came way too soon and I had to say goodbye to the rest of my BITCHES who headed back from whence they came. Overall it was an amazing weekend that went way too fast. It's nice that Duran Duran are touring but we all know that we don't need a show as an excuse to get together. We see one another as often as we can and love one another tremendously.

I don't condone running out and trying to meet internet friends, because yes, there ARE some crazy psychos out there. Trust me. Our group knows a WHOLE LOTTA crazy psychos out there in internet world. But we've been really lucky to have found this group and we will grow old together, listening to Duran Duran and eating frosting.

Hello...........It's me

The one who hasn't had an original idea since the early 80's.  When I was younger and free.

Okay I'll stop now. But seriously, the holidays have come and gone, as has my college freshman. We dropped her off this past weekend and now it's time to take down the decorations and put the holidays away for another year.

In other news, we've had this awful smell coming from the basement, and we're fairly certain that something died down there. The stench has slowly started to dissipate, thankfully, because I was this close to calling a priest to perform an exorcism down there. Because damn. The problem is that our basement is a catchall. Don't know what to do with something? Throw it in the basement, we'll deal with it later. And now the basement could pass for the latest episode of Hoarders.  So locating the offending odor has been difficult.

The world is mourning the loss of David Bowie today. One of my dear friends was a huge Bowie fan when I was in high school and I hold her responsible for helping to shape my musical tastes. I went to my very first concert with her at JFK Stadium in Philly where we saw Madness and The Police. This was in August of 1983. I blame her for making me a concert whore. She also took me to my first Duran Duran concert in March of 1984. So when we all heard the news of Bowie's passing, my thoughts went to her because she was such a fan.

What else is new? Oh yeah, I've started getting back to running and trying to get myself into a shape other than round. You'd be proud of me: Since the beginning of January I've run over 26 miles. I'll run the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon in May like I do every year, but my running goal for 2016 is to run the Freedoms Run Full Marathon in October. That race is 16 miles of flat ground on the C&O Canal followed by about 5 miles of nothing but ugly ass hills. Good times.  But I totally need this goal because.... my ass.

I recently hosted Norine of Science of Parenthood for my annual Moms Night Out, only this time it was a book tour that brought the moms out. Norine and her writing partner Jessica are promoting their new book, which is very cool. I met these two funny ladies at BlogU14 where they were voted "Most Likely to get a Book Deal". And now they have a book deal! I'm hoping at this year's blogging conference, BlogU16 I'll be voted "Most Likely to be Hired as Mike Rowe's Close Personal Assistant". Hey, a girl can dream, right?

So now you're pretty much all caught upon what's been happening at Casa Snarkfest. Bear with me as I find my voice again. I'm sure it's there, it's probably just buried under boxes of Christmas decorations. Until then, Happy 2016 folks!

Do as I say, not as I do...

http://www.blogher.com/do-i-say-not-i-do-2

There is danger all around us. And there are double standards as well. I've got a post up on BlogHer today about keeping my kids safe from predators when I could be putting my own self at risk. Where is that line between what is okay for me to do and what is NOT okay for them? Read my post here.

Snarkfest's Funky Running Playlist

I've been running a lot more lately to get this weight off (again) and thought I'd share with you, my dear Snarklings, my running playlist. I've got the strangest taste in music, and I'm sure after reading this list, you'll be all like, "WTF, Snarky? Who the hell listens to that anymore??" Well me, that's who. Prepare to....
scratch your head and wonder what the hell I'm thinking when you see my playlist.

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga  I remember doing a Zumba routine to this song when I went to Zumba with Aaron at our gym. Trust me, I don't break out into my Zumba routine when I'm running. You're welcome, running partners.

Dance With Me Tonight - Olly Murs  It's a fun, upbeat song. I like fun, upbeat when I run.

Everybody Dance Now - C&C Music Factory  I LOVE me some 90's dance tunes. And when I hear it, I speed up just thinking about Vince Vaughn doing the choreographed routine in Old School to this song.

Lose Yourself - Eminem  Nothing gets me more pumped than this song when I start out running. And yes, when I hear this, I rap right along with Em. (I call him Em, we're close like that)

I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull  Another great song from Zumba with Aaron. THIS is one I always want to stop running and start Zumba'ing to, but for the sake of everyone else I'm running with, I don't. Again, you're welcome.

Word Up - Cameo  Oh how I love this song. I used to have it as my ringtone but I got tired of just hearing the first few seconds of it. Momma, come on baby tell me what's the word, the word up!

Turn This Mutha Out - MC Hammer   Don't be dissing the Hammer. You know if this song was playing right now, you'd be jamming.

Til I Forget About You - Big Time Rush  Don't hate me, I've got teens, it's their fault, they got me hooked.

Sir Duke - Stevie Wonder  IMO, one of the best Stevie Wonder songs EVER. I play a mean air trumpet ESPECIALLY when I'm running!

Rappers Delight - Sugar Hill Gang  Shut up, I love them

Night Boat to Cairo - Madness  I'm a HUGE Madness fan and this song always gets me moving fast, probably because it's a really peppy song

Jump Around - House of Pain  I'm telling you, I dig this song so hard. I look forward to this song coming on every time I run and when I do, I'm a happy running fool. Jump up, jump up and get down.

Iko Iko - The Belle Stars  I liked Rain Man, you got a problem with that??

White Horse - Laid Back  If you wanna be rich, you got to be a bitch. This song is an instant classic.

Supersonic - J.J. Fad   How can you not smile when you hear the 3 chicks beat-boxing??

Shock the Monkey - Peter Gabriel  Come on, this song. Hard driving beat, drums thumping, monkeys falling out of trees. It's got everything.

Apache - Sugar Hill Gang  See Rappers Delight, repeat

Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-A-Lot  Shut up, you know you love this one. Admit it, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung

Bye Bye Bye - N'Sync  Justin Timberlake before he had to go and bring sexy back. And those other 4 guys who sang with him. I have to fight the urge to jump on the down beats

The Final Countdown - Europe  CRAZY good song. EPIC song. The opening synth is so hot it gets my blood pumping, which really does help with a long run

Thrift Shop - Macklemore  What what, what what? No, these are NOT my grandad's clothes. The sax on this song makes me happy, and when I'm happy, I run faster

Live Like We're Young - One Direction  See Til I Forget About You (it's those kids!!)

It Takes Two - Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock  Have you figured out yet that I'm a huge fan of the late 80's and 90's dance stuff? Cuz this shit's da bomb when I'm slowing down, tired and in need of a boost.

Gotta Keep Them Separated - The Offspring  This is the story of my two darling kids. And it's got a fast beat, which helps

Far From Over - Frank Stallone  Give me any shit about this song and I'll have his brother Sylvester beat you up. This is a good motivating song when you're tired. SAVE ME DARLING! I am down but I am far from over!!

Blame the Machines - Duran Duran  You knew you couldn't get away without at least one Duran Duran song on my list, didn't you? This is from their last album and has a great, fast beat

Everybody Walk the Dinosaur - Was Not Was  Yes. Yes I like this song. I like it very much.

Headstrong - Trapt  I like a good headbanging song every so often. Makes me appreciate the dance tunes that much more when they come on.

I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones  Bah bah bah bah, bah bah bah bah bah, I wish this run was over

Planet Rock - Afrika Bambaataa & The Soulsonic Force  This, IMO, is the ULTIMATE 80's song, I've always loved it and I always will love it and if it doesn't come on while I'm running, I put it on when I'm cooling down. That's how much I love it

So there you have it, Snarklings. That is just a handful of the plethora of songs I have on my phone that I enjoy listening to when I run. Some of them you may like, some you may hate, some you may not have ever heard before, but they are all mine and I love 'em all.

What are YOUR running songs? Workout songs? Zumba songs? Lying on the couch eating Oreos songs?

Ever have a song just take you back?

Of course you have. We all have. I was driving home from taking 16 to school (yes, she did) and The Waitresses' I Know What Boys Like came on my 80's on 8. I was IMMEDIATELY transported back to 1983, in Anna's room where my group of girls were getting ready to go out. Anna had 12 clocks in her room. None of them had the right time, we never knew what actual damn time it was. We just knew that we were going out. Probably to the game room. We loved the game room. All the cool guys went there. Twinkie, Claudio & Fabio (Argentinian twins... SWOON), Chuck (Anna's boyfriend), Bob (Chuck's brother) and John. We'd go there most weekends to play video games or shoot pool and drink Coke. We'd always bring extra money for the juke box because I always wanted to hear Steve Miller Band's Abracadabra. We knew the owner so he didn't get pissed when Anna broke one of the fluorescents over a pool table because she was being cool twirling her pool cue like a baton. She made me swear not to tell anybody (we got there early, before anyone else showed up). I promised. It was our secret. And as soon as the first guy in our crew walked in the door, I immediately forgot our pact and spilled the beans. (sorry Anna)

Back to the juke box, it was awesome and had all the day's hits. But because John had a huge crush on Anna (who was going out with Chuck), we were never allowed to play Toto's Rosanna. Why? Because ANNA, duh!

Remember these?

That year there was a huge party at Marie's. HUGE. Party of the Century! All the cool kids were going. Except for me. I went to Philly that weekend to visit my brother and sister-in-law. That Saturday night I went roller skating with my sister-in-law's sister. While we were skating to Dexy's Midnight Runner's Come on Eileen,  the cops were breaking up the party. Everyone I knew was grounded. Except me, because I was roller skating. Does anyone roller skate anymore? I would imagine it's dangerous, skating and texting. Don't text and skate, kids! You could hit a wall and break your iPhone.

I think that year I wanted desperately to learn the dance to Michael Jackson's Beat It, but sadly, I was a white girl and could only do the white girl dance. Swing those hips, snap those fingers. You know the dance. That was back when Michael Jackson was still a black man, before he turned into a white woman. Ahhh those were the days. That was when I DIDN'T hate Duran Duran's Hungry Like the Wolf. At this point, you're saying to yourself, 'why no link to THAT song'?? Because I hate that song. I've only heard that song about sixty-bajillion times. Apparently radio folks think that's the only song Duran Duran ever did, so that's all they play. How about Is There Something I Should Know?  You're about as easy as a nuclear war. I freaking LOVED that one. But no, that wolf song got all the airplay. Blah.

Well, so much for that little stroll down memory lane. Time to get out of 1983 and come back to 2014. Time for me to get ready for work. Just wondered if you were ever transported back by one song. One single song that brought back dozens of memories and hundreds of smiles.

What song takes you back? Good memories? Bad? Tell me about them.

Picture Books, Duran Duran and Highway Robbery

It's no secret that I'm a huge Duran Duran fan. Everyone knows it, and those who don't know it live under a rock. I've seen them live over 20 times, I've traveled far and wide to see them, and to visit my girls for Duranie weekends. Or as we like to call them, BITCHES weekends. We have a tight-knit group of about 30 of us and we all try to get together at least once a year, just to hang out. For us, the band brought us together, but our friendships now go MUCH deeper than our love for the band.

And let me be clear on one thing: NONE of us are independently wealthy. NONE of us live in a mansion, NONE of us shop on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. Most of us have families, mortgages, car payments, the usual. And we have one more thing in common: we all think the band has GIGANTIC CUJONES for what they are charging for a new book out this month.

Photographer Denis O'Regan followed the band around on their Sing Blue Silver tour and took a bunch of pictures. Now he's put together a book of over 200 color and black & white photos, bound it in cloth and they have the AUDACITY to charge £250 for it (to save you the trouble, that's $403 to us here in the US. Shocked? How about the £500 (That's right, $806 US) for the 'Deluxe Edition' signed by all 5 original band members? If that doesn't get you, there's also a £2500 (you guessed it, over $4000!) edition which is described as: "containing contemporary fine art prints and 1984 vintage prints, together with handwritten lyrics of one of the band's classic hits by Simon LeBon." My guess is it's that over-done, over-played make-my-ears-bleed song Hungry Like The Wolf. YUCK.

Well let me tell YOU something, Denis O'Regan, Simon, John, Nick, Roger and Andy. There's NO way on God's green Earth that I or ANY of my Durannie girls will EVER part with that much green for a book of pictures, with or without your autographs.

You've gotten a lot of money from us over the years, but (to quote Simon LeBon) you've gone too far this time.

If you are a Duran fan and you have the extra cash to fork over for one of these coffee table books, good on ya. But if you are a normal person with a limited income, this is an exorbitant amount of money and for them to expect a fan to part with that kind of cash for this book is BEYOND the scope of fandom. It borders on extortion.

Do we love the band? Yes. Are we insane enough to part with our hard earned money for this? No. Flippin. Way.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. And in the illustrious words of my girlfriend Joelle:

"For £2500 that book better be fucking hand delivered and Simon better be scrubbing my toilets, while Nick does the laundry, John runs the vacuum, and Roger does the dishes. I'll let Dom off the hook since he probably isn't included. Oh wait, Andy's included? Well then take out the trash."

A Mom's Review of the One Direction Movie

Before I talk about the review, I want to say that one of the biggest reasons I decided to do this midnight premiere thing is because I know EXACTLY how excited my girls are over this band. I was the EXACT same way when I was 15 and Duran Duran was THE BIG THING. Every generation of young girls should have their BIG THING and, IN MY OPINION, sometimes it's good to give in to your kids' wishes when you know how big an impact it will make on them, both now and in later years. They worked hard to complete the tasks they said they'd complete. They kept their end of the deal. Thinking back on my own teen years, fan-girling over my favorite band, Duran Duran, I had the opportunity to see them twice in concert and know what an amazing experience it is for a teenage girl, so I really wanted to do this for my girls, because they're like me. I knew they'd love it. And I'd rather be remembered by my girls as the mom who did special things for them instead of the mean mom who said NO all the time. (mind you, I do say NO quite a bit, but in this case, I knew how much it meant to them).When we were sitting in traffic before the Hershey Park 1D concert, I had the windows down and we were blaring the CD and Amanda told me I was 'the coolest mom ever.' Sometimes a mom needs to hear that. It's validation.

So here it is, a bright and sunny early (and I do mean freaking early) Friday morning after a late night last night. My girls and I made a deal: if they made the bus every day from the beginning of the school year, clean out (vacuumed, dusted, etc) the guest room and got both their rooms spotless, I'd take them to the midnight premiere of the One Direction: This Is Us movie. Shockingly enough, they held up their end of the bargain. Who knew?

Last night after dinner, I went upstairs (while they were still cleaning/studying/fan-girling) and took a nap in preparation for the late night I knew I'd have. I woke up at around 8:20 and just for shits and giggles, logged on to the Regal Cinema site to see what the deal was for the movie. How pleasantly surprised I was to see that the midnight premiere was NOT, in fact, at midnight, but it was at 10:00! MUCH better. I let the girls know that they had exactly ONE HOUR to finish, then we'd leave.

I had planned to bring my earplugs, fully expecting a cacophony of screaming teens, much like I experienced at the One Direction concert back in July. However, when we arrived at the theater at 9:40, the parking lot was nearly empty and the theater was dark and all I could think of was "CRAP!! What the hell???" When we walked in and presented our tickets they told us the theater was to the left. We got our popcorn and headed over the theater 2 and sat with the 9 other girls that were there to see the movie. No lie. 9 other people plus us. BONUS! No ear plugs needed. After what seemed like an endless showing of movie previews, the movie started.

It. Was. Great. It was an honest look at the onstage and behind the scenes lives that these boys live. It wasn't just a concert movie like I was expecting. The filmmaker, Morgan Spurlock, filmed the boys' lives on tour. The good and the bad. Parents sad and missing their sons. Louis paying a visit to his Nan, Harry visiting the bakery where he worked before auditioning for the X-Factor. We saw the madness of screaming fans and the truth that the boys felt about it. The insanity of being pulled at (Liam nearly lost an ear!), fawned over, screamed at and how lonely that really can be. They sit around a campfire wondering what their lives will end up like, will they do this forever? Will they settle down and get married and have a family? Will a girl want to be with them because of the person they are on the inside and not because of WHO they are on the outside.

The movie is an honest look at what it's like for them to be away from their families for extended periods of time. Zayn bought a house, his mother and sisters got the keys and moved in and called him. Mom cried about how proud of him she was, how much it meant to her that he did this for them and he was visibly moved, glad that he was able to do this for her but saddened that he wasn't there to enjoy the new place with them. It really was an intimate look at their insights, their relationship with their families and with one another.

I enjoyed the film, and I'm so glad that my girls enjoyed it as well. It was worth going to such a late movie on a school night. I'd take them again in a heartbeat because it was a great bonding experience for the 3 of us. AND their rooms are clean, which is a bonus.

Oh and 15's calling me a closet 'Directioner' because I said I liked the movie. So I told her she's a closet 'Duranie' because she liked the Duran Duran concert we attended together. Ah the joys of motherhood.

Rushers, Directioners, Duranies, OH MY!

Back in the day, we called ourselves Duranies. We followed the Fab Five in every piece of reading material we could get our hot little hands on. Remember Tiger Beat? Teen Beat? Bop? Rolling Stone? (yeah, that's still around). We Duranies had to WORK to find out the latest on our heartthrobs back then. Google? There was no Google! Cha Cha was a Latin dance. We were JUST getting into push button phones, for God's sake. We didn't have computers, internet, cell phones, texting, iPads, i-anythings!! We had to walk 10 miles in the snow, up hill, both ways, barefoot to buy magazines and darn-it, we liked it! Sure, every so often MTV would throw us a bone and have an interview with our boys and we'd all set our VCR's and watch them over and over. That was OUR Youtube. Pfffft. 'Friday Night Videos' was the shit and you watched it EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT just hoping they'd show your favorite band's video. And you checked MTV every chance you could get because back then the M actually stood for 'MUSIC' and not 'Manure' 'Malarky' or 'Merde'. 

Today, you can get information on your favorite band in less time than it took me to type this sentence. And these kids have NO idea how lucky they are. God, I know, I sound just like my mom did when she used to tell me how lucky we had it because we had a car with air conditioning and pleather seats! When SHE was a kid she rode in the rumble seat and she liked it!

Oh sorry, back on topic. My kids now can access any website at any time and see their favorite bands, Big Time Rush and One Direction. They are now considered "Rushers" and "Directioners". One Direction, for those of you who are living under a rock with my mom, is the NEW Fab Five. The next best thing. This is the nickname they have for themselves: Directioners. And they apparently take that nickname very seriously. Case in point: Last night 12 was on the computer and 14 was texting way later than her cutoff time of 10:00. And 12 kept calling 14 over to see what Louie's new haircut looked like or what someone was saying about Niall. Apparently, some absolutely INSANE chick on 1D's FB page (stay with me here mom: One Direction's Facebook Page) had the absolutely audacity to say she loved Harry and Zayn but didn't really care for Niall. "Well then she's not a Directioner!" I heard 12 say, and 14 agreed profusely! Apparently, there is a rule written somewhere (maybe it's tattooed on Harry's skull?) that in order to qualify as a Directioner, you MUST love ALL 5 MEMBERS of the group!!! Disliking one is the equivalent of disliking ALL 5 and you will have your Directioner club card taken away and you will be forced to listen to.....ugh, the Jonas Brothers.

Yes, apparently they're a little more strict today then they were back when I was a Duranie. Back in MY youth, you didn't HAVE to like all 5 members to be in the club. Hell, I never could STAND Andy Taylor. He was my least favorite of the Taylor brothers. I always wanted to take scissors to that nasty, greasy little ponytail of his and run off with Simon LeBon, spend hours laying on the beach drinking Pepsi and mocking Andy. (ok I was 16, and not yet the sleazy stalker I am today). That was the beauty of being a Duranie, you could like whomever you wanted and NOT like whomever you wanted and you weren't judged. There were 5 of them, PLENTY to go around.

Not today. Today, if you don't like one, you OBVIOUSLY don't like ANY of them. They apparently come as a package deal. It's the Directioners code.

I'm not sure if the same is true for Rushers, because my girls, while still very much in love with BTR, are more serious about the 1D rulebook. Is it POSSIBLE that you can LIKE the way James looks but hate the nasally, whiney sound that comes out of his mouth? I don't know. But if that is not the case, apparently I'm out of the Rushers club.