Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 24 and 21. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!
Showing posts with label Naps Happen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Naps Happen. Show all posts

Friday, May 24, 2013

Friday night FUN

Last Friday night I had the absolutely pleasure of attending my very first book signing. And to make it more fun, it was MY book signing!! (Good thing too, because I'm thinking if I crashed a book signing and started signing books that I didn't write, the police may have to be called.) But it WAS my book signing and man, was it a good time. The lovely Kendra at Four Seasons Bookstore invited me to bring in about 45 of my closest friends and family and drink wine and eat cheese and crackers. Did I mention she's my new favorite book store manager on earth??

After a delicious dinner at Kazu, I stumbled two doors down to Four Seasons and when I got upstairs to where the book signing was held, there was already a crowd. Holy crap! They were there to see ME! I was so happy that Alicia from Naps Happen could join us for dinner and attend the book signing. It took the pressure off of me sitting up there alone, taking a chance on no one finding me funny, and quite possibly throwing rotten fruit at my head. But I am lucky that none of my friends have access to rotten fruit.

My wonderful and beautiful friend and neighbor, Kelley Craig of Kelley Craig Photography was so fantastic and brought along her camera to capture some great pictures of the event.

Evil Joy, Alicia and I
Photo courtesy of the talented Kelley Craig Photography
Are my teeth stained purple? I may or may not have had a glass or 3 of wine before and during the book signing.

Me trying to think up something witty to say. Being witty on command is hard!
Photo courtesy of the amazing Kelley Craig Photography
Alicia read her story from I Just Want to Pee Alone and had the crowd rolling. She's gorgeous and really funny!

Look at how beautiful my friends are! I love them so much and I didn't even have to pay them to show up and laugh at my jokes.
Photo courtesy of the beautiful Kelley Craig Photography

I'm so glad no one brought any rotten fruit. Only fermented grapes. My FAVORITE.
Photo courtesy of the sexy Kelley Craig Photography

This is probably the coolest image of my book I've ever seen. It probably has to do with the fact that I absolutely love the chick holding it.

The tart and tasty Teresa holding I Just Want to Pee Alone
You know who took that picture, don't you? I'll give you a hint: She's sexy, beautiful, amazing and talented.
I want to say thank you to everyone who was able to make that night so special. I felt like a rock star AND I didn't have to dodge any rotten fruit. Special thanks to Evil Joy for flying in from Wisconsin to join in the festivities and to Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho and to Sexy Suzie Q for the beautiful card and flowers. You guys are awesome beyond words.

It was standing room only and we almost had to take up a collection to pay Kendra's babysitter overtime pay because we were there WAY later than the book store's regular hours. What a blast! I should write books more often!

By the way, if you haven't already purchased a copy of either I Just Want to Pee Alone or the other book in which I have an essay, Parenting Gag Reel, you can grab them here.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Don't go in there, it's dark!

I'm talking about my mind. It's a very scary place! So filled with hidden compartments, drawers full of wise-ass comments, closets full of useless knowledge and containers overflowing with witty retorts. Yeah, there's a lot going on in there. And this week, it's just been nearly impossible to get all my thoughts together to form a coherent sentence, let alone hold a grown-up conversation. But I'm gonna give it the old college try.

Last week would qualify as a rough one. This past weekend was insane, and it didn't slow down any as Monday came. And I missed a very important milestone. May 14 marked Snarkfest's one year anniversary. I wrote my very first blog about swimsuit shopping with my girls and posted it on May 14. Since then, things have happened that I never could've dreamed about. I'm included in not one but two books, I've got over 100 people who follow my blog, I've got over 1600 Facebook fans of my Snarkfest page, and best of all, both of my kids still like me (as far as I know, have you heard anything different??) So that one snuck by me without any pomp or circumstance. But I'm totally okay with that. I'll have a party another time and celebrate.

Friday, we said goodbye to Bill. It was one of those perfect spring days. Warm, sunny, clear skies. How I wish he were there with us. But we said our goodbyes with a military honor guard at his grave site. My own amazing daughter 15 played 'Taps' while the honor guard folded the American flag draped across his casket, and his grandson Billy presented the flag to Bill's wife Pat. It was such a moving experience and I know that Bill would've been so proud of the kids.

The girls and I had to head home because Evil Joy came to visit me for the weekend! Evil Joy is a shit ton of awesome. We had such a great weekend together! First, she accompanied me on Friday night to Kazu, our little Thai restaurant in town where we met up with Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Teresa the amazing and talented (and HOT) PT, the awesome Alicia Stefann of Naps Happen (who was cool enough to brave rush hour traffic to join us for dinner and the book signing), the beautiful, phenomenal photographer Kelley Craig of Kelley Craig Photography, and the fantastic and adorable super nurse Monique. We enjoyed a delish dinner (and much much wine) before heading down to Four Seasons Bookstore where a crowd of about 40+ people showed up to hear Alicia and I read an excerpt from the Pee book and Parenting Gag Reel. I was and am still very much overwhelmed at the support I continue to get from my fantastic friends and neighbors here in town. I truly felt like a rock star that night. The party continued at my house after we closed down the bookstore, and much much wine was consumed there.

Alicia Stefann, left, from Naps Happen, and your old friend Snarky on the right
Saturday it was time to sober up and for Evil Joy, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho and I to travel down to Fredericksburg, VA to pick up our race packets for the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon. We absolutely LOVE this race. Good God there are Marines on every corner. For God sake, it's like a 'hot man in uniform buffet'.

From left to right, Hot Marine, Hot Marine, Snarky, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Hot Marine, Pretty Marine, Hot Marine

The weather was overcast and misty but not hot (unless you're Evil Joy, who may have said once or twice or several thousand times that it was, in fact, hot) and for the most part, there was no rain. We finished the race, got our medals, got our free beer and found our buddies, Wendell and his dad Wendell, Sr. who participate in this race every year in matching Hawaiian shirts. Got our pic taken again with them and then we moved on to the finish line where we cheered the runners as they ran through the final stretch of the race.

Wendell Sr., Lisa Nazi the Crack Ho, Snarky, Wendell, Jr.
On the drive back after showers and a ginormous breakfast, we hit a few wineries (in Northern VA, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a dozen wineries, although I'm not sure why anyone would actually WANT to swing a dead cat but that's a blog for another day).

Evil Joy, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Snarky
I'm not going to lie to you. This weekend was definitely an emotional roller coaster, filled with the lowest of lows and yet the highest of highs. And just when I thought I could relax, even for a bit, it was time to drive Evil Joy back to the train station to get her train back to the airport. On the way back, I had to pee, so I stopped at a Dunkin Donuts in an office building. Here's the uber-creepy part! (yes, there's an uber-creepy part to my weekend) Dunkin Donuts Dude gives me the key (because the bathroom isn't actually IN the donut shop, it's shared with the people in the office building) and tells me where to go. I follow his direction, unlock the bathroom door and fumble for the light switch, because it was pitch black in the bathroom. Boom: flip on the lights, walk into one of the two stalls in the room and thought I heard a noise. So now I'm stopped dead in my tracks because I'm in a locked bathroom where the lights were out and am hearing weirdness. Then I heard it again. THERE IS SOMEONE IN THE STALL NEXT TO ME. IN A LOCKED BATHROOM. WHO WAS IN THERE BEFORE I GOT IN. SITTING IN THE DARK. Moooooooommmmyyyy!!!!!!!! You never in your life saw someone pee, pull up, flush, wash and get the hell outta Dodge so flipping fast!! I was done before they even flushed. Naturally, I needed a donut to calm my nerves (don't judge).

To top off the end of a very long four day weekend, I was co-chair person for 15's band banquet. There are 140+ kids in the band. Plus their families, so we fully expected over 400 people to attend this year's banquet. Next year, if the band continues to grow in size, I think we should have the banquet in Vegas. How cool would THAT be? Anyway, I digress (for a change?) the banquet was a huge success, I believe everyone had fun, ate way too much and left feeling good.

And here it is, Wednesday. Things finally seem to have settled down in Snark-world. Until this weekend. Phillies vs. Nationals in DC. Saturday AND Sunday. To quote Ferris Buehler, "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."