Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Don't go in there, it's dark!

I'm talking about my mind. It's a very scary place! So filled with hidden compartments, drawers full of wise-ass comments, closets full of useless knowledge and containers overflowing with witty retorts. Yeah, there's a lot going on in there. And this week, it's just been nearly impossible to get all my thoughts together to form a coherent sentence, let alone hold a grown-up conversation. But I'm gonna give it the old college try.

Last week would qualify as a rough one. This past weekend was insane, and it didn't slow down any as Monday came. And I missed a very important milestone. May 14 marked Snarkfest's one year anniversary. I wrote my very first blog about swimsuit shopping with my girls and posted it on May 14. Since then, things have happened that I never could've dreamed about. I'm included in not one but two books, I've got over 100 people who follow my blog, I've got over 1600 Facebook fans of my Snarkfest page, and best of all, both of my kids still like me (as far as I know, have you heard anything different??) So that one snuck by me without any pomp or circumstance. But I'm totally okay with that. I'll have a party another time and celebrate.

Friday, we said goodbye to Bill. It was one of those perfect spring days. Warm, sunny, clear skies. How I wish he were there with us. But we said our goodbyes with a military honor guard at his grave site. My own amazing daughter 15 played 'Taps' while the honor guard folded the American flag draped across his casket, and his grandson Billy presented the flag to Bill's wife Pat. It was such a moving experience and I know that Bill would've been so proud of the kids.

The girls and I had to head home because Evil Joy came to visit me for the weekend! Evil Joy is a shit ton of awesome. We had such a great weekend together! First, she accompanied me on Friday night to Kazu, our little Thai restaurant in town where we met up with Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Teresa the amazing and talented (and HOT) PT, the awesome Alicia Stefann of Naps Happen (who was cool enough to brave rush hour traffic to join us for dinner and the book signing), the beautiful, phenomenal photographer Kelley Craig of Kelley Craig Photography, and the fantastic and adorable super nurse Monique. We enjoyed a delish dinner (and much much wine) before heading down to Four Seasons Bookstore where a crowd of about 40+ people showed up to hear Alicia and I read an excerpt from the Pee book and Parenting Gag Reel. I was and am still very much overwhelmed at the support I continue to get from my fantastic friends and neighbors here in town. I truly felt like a rock star that night. The party continued at my house after we closed down the bookstore, and much much wine was consumed there.

Alicia Stefann, left, from Naps Happen, and your old friend Snarky on the right
Saturday it was time to sober up and for Evil Joy, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho and I to travel down to Fredericksburg, VA to pick up our race packets for the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon. We absolutely LOVE this race. Good God there are Marines on every corner. For God sake, it's like a 'hot man in uniform buffet'.

From left to right, Hot Marine, Hot Marine, Snarky, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Hot Marine, Pretty Marine, Hot Marine

The weather was overcast and misty but not hot (unless you're Evil Joy, who may have said once or twice or several thousand times that it was, in fact, hot) and for the most part, there was no rain. We finished the race, got our medals, got our free beer and found our buddies, Wendell and his dad Wendell, Sr. who participate in this race every year in matching Hawaiian shirts. Got our pic taken again with them and then we moved on to the finish line where we cheered the runners as they ran through the final stretch of the race.

Wendell Sr., Lisa Nazi the Crack Ho, Snarky, Wendell, Jr.
On the drive back after showers and a ginormous breakfast, we hit a few wineries (in Northern VA, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a dozen wineries, although I'm not sure why anyone would actually WANT to swing a dead cat but that's a blog for another day).

Evil Joy, Lisa the Nazi Crack Ho, Snarky
I'm not going to lie to you. This weekend was definitely an emotional roller coaster, filled with the lowest of lows and yet the highest of highs. And just when I thought I could relax, even for a bit, it was time to drive Evil Joy back to the train station to get her train back to the airport. On the way back, I had to pee, so I stopped at a Dunkin Donuts in an office building. Here's the uber-creepy part! (yes, there's an uber-creepy part to my weekend) Dunkin Donuts Dude gives me the key (because the bathroom isn't actually IN the donut shop, it's shared with the people in the office building) and tells me where to go. I follow his direction, unlock the bathroom door and fumble for the light switch, because it was pitch black in the bathroom. Boom: flip on the lights, walk into one of the two stalls in the room and thought I heard a noise. So now I'm stopped dead in my tracks because I'm in a locked bathroom where the lights were out and am hearing weirdness. Then I heard it again. THERE IS SOMEONE IN THE STALL NEXT TO ME. IN A LOCKED BATHROOM. WHO WAS IN THERE BEFORE I GOT IN. SITTING IN THE DARK. Moooooooommmmyyyy!!!!!!!! You never in your life saw someone pee, pull up, flush, wash and get the hell outta Dodge so flipping fast!! I was done before they even flushed. Naturally, I needed a donut to calm my nerves (don't judge).

To top off the end of a very long four day weekend, I was co-chair person for 15's band banquet. There are 140+ kids in the band. Plus their families, so we fully expected over 400 people to attend this year's banquet. Next year, if the band continues to grow in size, I think we should have the banquet in Vegas. How cool would THAT be? Anyway, I digress (for a change?) the banquet was a huge success, I believe everyone had fun, ate way too much and left feeling good.

And here it is, Wednesday. Things finally seem to have settled down in Snark-world. Until this weekend. Phillies vs. Nationals in DC. Saturday AND Sunday. To quote Ferris Buehler, "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

12 comments:

  1. I need a nap just after reading about all you accomplished. What an amazing amount of wonderful and bittersweet. So wish I could have seen you and Alicia rock the reading.

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    1. Definitely bittersweet. One of these days we're ALL getting together for a reading!

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  2. So somebody was inside a locked bathroom, inside a stall, in the dark? That would have required more than one doughnut had it been me. (I did one of those get-the-hell-outta-Dodge dashes from a bathroom when there was an earthquake while I was sitting in the stall, mid-pee. I did not take time to wash my hands OR pull my pants up. All I could think of was if this were the end, I wasn't going to die in a bathroom stall at work!)

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    1. Dyanne I think I'd be right there with you during an earthquake. I'd probably end up peeing myself.

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  3. wow, that's a week and a half of stuff there. are yo sure there was somebody in the bathroom? I think I would have had a heart attack.

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    1. Positive there was someone in the stall next to mine. I heard rustling around, then the toilet paper dispenser, only it was a few mins after I was in there. FREAKY!!

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  4. I was thinking exactly what BPM said, FULL weekend! You more than earned a doughnut. I'm glad you got out of the bathroom in tact. I would like to think I would have left quickly, and not been nosey and peeped in the other stall, but I feel like I would have been that person in the scary movies, that other people yell "GET OUT OF THERE!" right before the bad guy pulls a machete.

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    1. LOL Joy. I can see myself being arrested for peeping, and I can just imagine you standing up in a theater yelling at the screen!

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  5. You Rock Mamma!!!! I'm so proud for you!!! Love & light always!!
    Cyn A.D.D. Music Mamma

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    1. Thanks Cyn. You're not so bad yourself!! :)

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  6. I love the way you write. You sound like a very comical person!

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