I Just Want to Be Alone...

I was supposed to write this review when the book first came out, but then life happened. Overwhelmed with band, volleyball, track, more band, work, house, dogs, band again....you get the idea. So now I'm making good on my word to review the book "I Just Want to Be Alone." The book is the follow-up anthology to the equally hilarious "I Just Want to Pee Alone." (I was in that!)

When I got this book from Amazon, I immediately searched for the essays of some of my favorite bloggers: Michelle from You're My Favorite Today, Rebecca from Frugalista Blog, Meredith from The Mom of the Year, Karen from Baby Sideburns, Bethany from I Love Them Most When They're Sleeping....

I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, those awesome ladies and tons of others are in this book. Compiled by Jen, the mastermind of People I Want to Punch in the Throat, this second anthology is directed at husbands, boyfriends, significant others and better halves. Some rants, some stories, all entertaining!

From Meredith's husband's go at bee-keeping, Rebecca's husband's diaper-changing abilities (or lack thereof), Michelle's husband's bed-wetting experience to Karen's husband's bowel issues, this book is chock full of funny stuff. Some names you'll remember from Book 1 and some new names make up this amusing and entertaining look at life with men.

It's an easy read, you can do a chapter each time you sit down to pee (alone), while you're waiting for your gyno appointment with Dr. Jellyfinger or after your little crumbsnatchers go to sleep (again, for the 4th time) at night. Wherever you can sneak in a quick chapter, you won't be disappointed! Buy the book and visit the blogs of the amazingly funny ladies who make up "I Just Want to Be Alone." And tell 'em Snarky sent ya.

What's That, Snarky? A Giveaway??

That's right, Snarklings! I'm telling you right now that I have just finished a ridiculously funny book, and I'm giving away a FREE COPY of it. What book, you ask?? "You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth" which was edited by Leslie Marinelli (the Bearded Iris herself!) and contains absolutely hysterical essays from some of my all-time favorite bloggers. These bloggers are all bloggers who have been featured on the awesome site, In the Powder Room. One of these days I'm hoping to be invited to hang out with the cool chicks from the Powder Room but until then, I'll have to read  and admire them from afar.

But YOU get the chance to win a copy of their book "You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth" as well as a copy of our very own awesomely fantastic book "I Just Want to Pee Alone", which has now sold over 20,000 copies!!! I am so excited and proud of this book and I can't wait to share it with you.

Seriously, some of my favorite bloggers are here including Abby of Abby Has Issues who discusses how she would be okay with being a Consolation Prize Wife as opposed to a Trophy Wife.  Or how about Lady Estrogen, whose lady parts look like, um, a vegetable that one usually serves smothered in melted cheese!! MaNNaHaTTaMaMMa's Cautionary Tale about peri-menopause had me cracking up, not AT her but WITH her because it's happening to me AS I'M TYPING THIS.

I can't leave out my fellow Pee Book authors who are also featured in this book. There's Amy of Family is Funny, who talks about the ABC Club which is a club I'd definitely belong to. Because I'm definitely Anti-B.....sorry, you'll have to read this story to learn more. Allison of MotherhoodWTF cracked me up with her story of an oral dilemma. And my girl Frugalista Blog had me peeing in MY pants discussing peeing in her FRIEND'S pants. Yes, you read that right. There are so many fantastic bloggers in this book and I want YOU to have a copy. And a copy of MY book too! The contest runs until next Monday so Tweet daily and enter now! It's a Rafflecopter, so you know the deal. Go for it! And good luck!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Competition is Tough....

Self-promotion is not something I'm all that comfortable with, but in this case, I'm going to make an exception. A bunch of amazing bloggers are all competing for a coveted spot as one of the Top 25 Funny Moms 2013. I am not looking to even be in the top 10, as I don't believe myself to be anywhere near as talented as the likes of The Bearded Iris, Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Holdin Holden, I Want a Dumpster Baby or People I Want To Punch In The Throat. They are all amazing ladies and I read them all the time. What I would LOVE to achieve is to be in the final 25 when the voting ends on February 13th. So I'm posting this link and asking that everyone who reads Snarkfest please click the link and vote for Snarkfest to try to move me into the Top 25. Right now I'm at number 30 and I'm in the amazing company of  Ninja Mom Blog, Somewhat Sane Mom and Frugalista Blog. I want us ALL to be in the top 25.

Please go to the link, vote for Snarkfest and help me get into the Top 25. Vote every day. I've got cookies in the oven and I'm baking them for YOU for voting for me. If you're trying to lose weight, I'll take one for the team and EAT those cookies for you so YOU don't gain the extra weight. The things I do because I love you.


Thanks!!

Shopping with the Snarkfest Family

I took my friend Sio shopping last night. Sadly, we were also joined by 15 & 13 who, as you well know, have NO nice clothes to wear. Poor things. What kind of a mother am I that I consciously send my kids to school in sackcloth and ash? Burlap bags on their feet, dirty faces. They look like something out of Les Miserables, no? Poor pumpkins.

OMG I can't believe we have, like, no nice clothes to wear!

As usual, I digress. So we headed over to Kohls where all the cool kids go for clothes. Specifically, Sio and I were looking for dresses to wear to the local Rotary Ball tomorrow night. Yes, Cinderella, it's a ball. My first ball, and I needed something pretty to wear, just in case Prince Charming is there and wants to sweep me off my size 8 wides and take me to his palace on the beach of Maui. Oh, did I digress again? Sorry. We dropped 15 & 13 off in Juniors and headed over to find dresses for ourselves. Unsuccessfully. I DID, however, find some Spanx. Spanx rocks, my friend. ROCKS out LOUD!! If you haven't already done so, please go check out Frugalista's video tutorial on Spanx (after you finish reading this, of course). It's hysterical and she is AWESOME.

Dammit there's that digressing thing again! Focus, Snarkfest, focus!!

So I got my Spanks and a cute little shrug to wear over my go-to little black dress, and Sio got a lovely dress shirt for her hubby (at least HE'LL have something to wear to the ball) and we went on a store-wide quest to find my teens. They were right where we left them, in Juniors, still trying to decide, an hour later, on what they wanted to get. Each girl has to dress up on game days for their respective basketball games. They were given specific instructions. One outfit. ONE. Said outfit could be one top and one bottom, or one dress. Period. The end. 13 found a really cute cream colored dress, which coincidentally, is too short for her school standards because she is her father's daughter. She's 5'5" I think, which to me is tall. So of course she'll need tights. Or something. And 15 found a pretty top and a rubber band which she'll pretend is a skirt. It's like homecoming shopping all over again. That girl is 5'9" in flat shoes. Which, by the way, she is lacking. Shoes that is. Poor thing has no shoes that she could POSSIBLY wear with this top and rubber band pretend skirt. At that point, we schlepped over to the shoe section of Kohls and went on a 'Quest for cute shoes in a size 11'. 15's feet are smaller than 13's feet, so we can at least attempt to find shoes at Kohls that could fit 15. Sad to say, 13's feet are a women's 12. She's my little baby Sasquatch (a nickname she loves OH SO MUCH hates with a passion) and I believe I have to travel far and wide across the lands to find shoes that fit her. DSW and Nordstrom Rack have both been suggested to me. But sadly, there are no DSW's or Nordstrom Racks anywhere close by.  Sad face.

Stay with me here, I'm almost finished!

While we didn't even bother to look for size 12's for 13, she did try on this lovely red hat and managed to look absolutely adorable in the process:

13: "I'm so, like, rocking this hat! Wait, is it on backwards?"

And while we WERE in the shoe section, just for shits and giggles, 15 tried on a pair of high heeled boots which made her appear approximately 9 and a half feet tall. Especially when standing next to both Sio and myself, who are both under 5'2". I now present to you, my 15 year old daughter in her basketball practice shorts, cross country hoodie and a rocking pair of  heeled sexy black boots:

Think coach'll let me play in these?

After walking away from her and giving her the 'We're leaving in 2 minutes with or without you' speech, she headed back to the gigantic box from which the gigantic heels came and I pointed out the one other pair of shoes I saw in her size. Cute, flat brown boots. Poor 13. I fear that child will be wearing mens sneakers for the rest of her life. She'll be walking down the aisle in a pair of Reebok cross trainers. White, of course.

Anyway, after puttering around Kohls for far too long, we meandered up to the registers and, being the high maintenance shopper that I am, had to give the cashier a hard time. As the victim of repeated attempts at identity theft, I now have passwords on all of my credit cards. So when I go to Kohls, every single time I try to use my charge card, they have to call customer service and I have to get on the phone and give them my password in order for the sale to go through. Pain in the ass? You betcha. So we are at the cashier desk for a minimum of 15 minutes. By this time, I'm thinking Sio is mentally putting her house on the market and moving far away from me and my needy, crazy offspring. And I can't say that I blame her.

What started out as two friends going shopping for dresses turned into a scavenger hunt from hell. Sorry Sio. Maybe we'll try it again when my kids have graduated?

A Beautiful Mudder!

The lovely and talented Jules over at My Mom's A Whackjob has bestowed upon me the Laine Blogger Award for Beauty. Here are the rules for this award:

1. Answer the 5 questions below (same ones that I've answered)

2. Pass the award on to 5 other beautiful bloggers

1. What is your current beauty obsession?

LOL I'm fairly (read: TOTALLY) low maintenance. I rarely leave the house WITH makeup on. 
Shit I'm lucky I leave the house with my shoes on. So I can't truly call anything an obsession.
I will say that when I do my makeup, I'm digging Mary Kay's Beach Blond Cream Eye Shadow.  It goes on smooth and compliments any other shade of eye shadow that I wear (which, again, doesn't happen very often). I'd say that Beauti Control's Brown Sugar body lotion is another 'obsession'. Makes me smell like cake. I love cake.

2. What is the one beauty item you wish you owned?

Nicer hair so that when I DO actually spend time on it, it looks decent. And when I don't spend
any time on it, it doesn't look like ass. OR, I wish I actually had my own hair stylist, one who 
could come out of thin air when I get out of the shower, do my hair, then go back to wherever
they came from, and then come back the next morning, etc. Because I've had this hair for 45 years and for 45 of those years, I have had absolutely NO idea how to make it look nice. 

3. What is your favorite topic to read about?

I love scary stuff, dark stuff, mysterious stuff and funny stuff. Give me a good (OLD) Stephen King book, early Patricia Cornwell, Gillian Flynn (Just finished reading Gone Girl and LOVED it) and some Janet Evanovich, any and all Janet Evanovich, and I'm the happiest of campers. I've also found some amazing blogs out there, written by women going through exactly the same issues that I am. I had NO idea there were so many of us in this crazy sisterhood of bloggers. It's just really nice to know I'm not alone.

4. What inspired you to become a blogger?

My close friends have always told me how funny I am. I'm a fat girl, fat girls have to try harder, so I suppose with the fat comes the funny. Either way, I do love to see people laugh, so if I can make my close friends laugh, I'm sure there are others that I could make laugh without actually standing up in front of a crowd and having people throw rotten fruit at me if I'm NOT making them laugh. Plus I've got plenty of material to pull from because of my crazy amazing family. My girls' school bus adventures make for great FB fodder every morning. I'm toying with the idea of  putting their daily 'Did they make it? Did they miss it?' on the blog and see if anyone I DON'T know really cares. If you DO care, see my FB page. I put a song up every day based on whether or not they make the bus. I'm fairly certain that somewhere in Vegas, in some rinky dink little off the strip casino, there are oddsmakers shaking down gamblers over whether or not 15 and 12 make their bus each day. 

5. What nail polish are you wearing now?

Since I just ran a Tough Mudder last weekend, I cut all my nails and took off all my nail polish. Can't be pretty when you're running a 10 mile run through mud with deathly obstacles. So I don't always wear nail polish, but when I do, my current fave is Opi's Plugged In Plum.

And now it's my pleasure to pass this along to five beautiful bloggers. Please visit them when you have time:

The Nitty Gritty Mommy

Frugalista Blog

Non-Girlfriend

Mom-Spirational

Riding the Crazy Train: Diary of a Delirous Mom