Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 24 and 21. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Friday, March 28, 2014

My girls missed the bus today. Here's why I'm glad....

It's no secret that I've had issues with my girls missing the school bus in the morning. The damn thing stops directly in front of my house every single morning. Directly. In front. Of my house. It's not like they even have to walk a block to the bus stop. The drivers could only make it more convenient if they called my house as they were entering my development to give us a 5 minute warning. And yet, my girls continue to miss the bus. Today, however, upon further reflection, I'm happy my girls missed the bus.

"Why?" you may ask. "Why all of a sudden are you HAPPY that both your girls missed the bus, Snarky? Have you fallen and hit your head again?"

No, I haven't. But thanks for asking.

While I was in the shower, I did some thinking. That's where I do a LOT of my thinking for blog post ideas. I have NO idea why, but that's usually where the light bulb goes off over my head. Kinda dangerous if you ask me, light bulbs in the shower, but whatever. I digress.

If my girls missing the school bus is the worst problem I have to deal with, I'm pretty damn lucky, aren't I? They missed the bus. Not because they were out getting drunk at a party last night. They weren't. Not because we were having a huge fight in my house. We weren't. Not because they are so unhappy that they've run away from home. They haven't. Not because they are on drugs and I couldn't rouse them. They aren't.

Getting the picture?

My girls are healthy. Some kids aren't. Some kids are in the hospital, waiting for an organ transplant. Or going through chemotherapy. Or suffer from anxiety issues. Or a million other things. My girls were just tired and didn't wake up quickly enough to get on the bus. Why? Because they were up talking 'til some ridiculous hour. I was already asleep long before they headed to their own rooms and went to sleep.

They have each other. They rely on each other. When they were younger, they made my life HELL because they did nothing but fight. Now, the fighting has all but disappeared, and has been replaced with late night chats in one of their rooms, behind closed doors. Sometimes I'm invited in. Sometimes I'm not. But they have each other. And they're happy. And they're healthy. And I'm the luckiest mom. Because they could've missed the bus because of drug addiction, alcohol abuse, health issues, abusive boyfriend issues, mental issues or about a thousand other reasons that other parents deal with. No, I'm lucky because my girls missed the bus because they were tired from spending time talking to each other too late into the night.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still annoyed that they missed the bus. But I have to think that it could always be much worse.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

SELF magazine, you've lost a fan...

File this under absolutely DISGUSTING behavior.

Those who know me know that I am a runner. I don't wear tutus when I run. I don't usually wear costumes when I run. Does that mean I don't like people who DO wear stuff like that when they run? NO. A great many of my friends do, and I think it's great for them.

After reading this article, I am absolutely FLOORED at the insensitivity of some folks at SELF magazine. I won't be buying that magazine again. Monika Allen, who is a brain cancer survivor, was contacted by the magazine asking for permission to use her photo, which shows her running in the LA Marathon in a Wonder Woman costume wearing a tutu. She was really excited, as anyone would be in that same situation, I'm sure. But what an unpleasant surprise when Allen learned what the magazine actually DID with the picture.

To quote NBC 7 San Diego's website:

The picture appears in a section of the magazine called “The BS Meter," with a caption that refers to a "tutu epidemic" and basically makes fun of the women's outfits, she said.
"A racing tutu epidemic has struck NYC's Central Park, and it's all because people think these froufrou skirts make you run faster," the caption reads. "Now, if you told us they made people run from you faster, maybe we would believe it."

Source: http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Magazine-Makes-Fun-of-Cancer-Survivors-Tutu-252560451.html#ixzz2xAsh6Qao 
Follow us: @nbcsandiego on Twitter | NBCSanDiego on Facebook

How freaking DARE they??? First of all, she makes the tutus herself with her company, Glam Runner, and they donate the proceeds to Girls on the Run, a charity which I strongly support. If that's not awesome enough, the girl ran the marathon while being treated for brain cancer! 

So screw you, SELF Magazine. Take your mockery of someone who DESERVES  POSITIVE RECOGNITION and stick it where the sun doesn't shine. 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Wherefore art thou, Snarkfest??

I'm here. I've been sick as a freaking dog. I was out of work from Tuesday to Friday of last week with this horrific sinus/lung infection combo. I went to the doctor Thursday and he gave me some kick ass cough syrup and some antibiotics. The good news is, the sinus/lung infection seems to be clearing up, I'm not hacking and coughing as much as I was, the fever is gone and I'm almost feeling human again. The bad news is, the antibiotic makes me nauseated. So it's not bad enough that I'm not feeling back to 100% yet, but when I take the meds that are supposed to help me feel better, they make me throw up. Yay me. 2 out of the last 4 mornings I've thrown up. And before you go throwing out possibilities at me, NO I'm not pregnant, that ship sailed many moons ago. No, it's definitely the antibiotics. And I still have 4 or 5 more days to go before I finish them.

I've been following the directions, take an hour before or 2-3 hours after a meal. I took them this morning and had a cup of coffee and sadly the coffee didn't stay with me. Coffee's expensive, yo! And that sucks! I could just cry. I had to lie back down this morning after I got the girls off to school because standing up wasn't really an option. I hate being sick. And nothing is worse than starting off your day with a quick toss of the cookies. Or the coffee, in this case.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

A new gig I've got...

So the leader of the Dumbass world, Toby of Real Dumbass News has a new group effort going called That Drawer in the Kitchen. And I've made me debut over there with a tale of my oldest and her poor choice of footwear for her first SAT test. Read about it here.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Somebody get this boy a muzzle....

Yes Justin, you HAVE been detrimental to your own career. Seriously, when is he going to go away? Snarklings, I give you the latest in Bieber-boneheaded-blunders. Thanks for the edits, TMZ.

So many words come to mind when I watch this. Arrogant. Immature. Ignorant. Dumbass (which to be honest is insulting to my cat!). Moronic. Egotistical. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What other words can you come up with to describe this boy? If he ever had any talent (BIG if, if you ask me) he's just overshadowing that talent with his ridiculous antics. What would you do if this were your kid? If I was his mother, he'd be on lockdown, laying VERY low for a VERY long time until he could prove to me that he CAN be a normal, kind, humble, contributing member of society, rather than the punk ass monster he's become.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

WWSD? (What Would Snarkfest Do?)...

Ok truth time, Snarklings. Serious stuff here. Hypothetical situations only. I promise this is NOT happening to me or anyone close to me, but it's a discussion I had with friends the other day and it really got me thinking. So here goes. Two different scenarios and I'd like you to weigh in on both.

Scenario A: Mary is a middle age woman, and a mentor to young folks involved in the theater. She has been acting in plays with folks that are older than she, and more recently, with many younger folks. You are Mary's best friend. You happen to walk up behind someone who is talking about Mary in an unkind manner. This person has influence over some of the people with whom Mary has been acting, and you feel as if there could be repercussions if you address this person for saying what you heard them say. You don't acknowledge to that person that you heard them say some very unkind things about Mary. But they're really ugly, hurtful things, and you are shocked that this person has this view of Mary, who you love like a sister. Do you tell Mary? If Mary finds out and you didn't tell her, does Mary have the right to be upset if she finds out you knew and didn't say anything to her?

Scenario B: Karlie is one of your besties. Ralph is her husband. Ralph is a dog. You've always known Ralph is a dog but Karlie loves him to pieces. Ralph has been caught with his pants down before and has always managed to weasel his way out of it and not get in trouble. But now you know, first hand, that Ralph is steppin' out on Karlie. You know that Karlie will be heartbroken, and if you say something to Karlie, it very well may send her over the edge. (Karlie has lots of emotional baggage, like Samsonite sized baggage). Do you tell Karlie what a pig her husband is? Do you keep it to yourself? How long do you think you could keep this secret?

Hard hitting questions for today, Snarklings. But I want answers. I'd like to know what you folks think. If you're Mary or Karlie, and you find out that your bestest bud knows things that could very well be hurtful yet chose not to mention, do you get upset? Angry? Are you the forgiving type, who is of the mindset that if you didn't tell them, you must've had a good reason? Or do you lose your shit and feel betrayed that they knew this whole time and didn't say something sooner?

It's time for you all to weigh in!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Tuesday Tirade, or how I (almost) made the Washington Post...

Just got my email notification for my Snarkfest Google alerts. Only this one wasn't about anything I'd written. No, this one was about the firestorm that Kim Novak's face caused on Twitter. Check out the brief story on the Washington Post's site, then come back here. I'll wait.

All caught up? Good. Now, I don't normally hyphenate my blog title, but hey, if WaPo wants to hyphenate me, who am I to argue? But seriously, this year's Oscar presentation was apparently the Night of the Living Plastic Surgery Victims. Did you SEE Kim Novak?? Liza Minelli? Goldie Hawn? Seriously, awful. If Bruce Jenner or Kenny Rogers showed up, I was switching over to The Walking Dead where I'd see actors playing zombies rather than the alternative. Honestly, YUCK! I showed before and after images to 16 and she was horrified! "Why do people DO that to themselves??"

Vanity can be an ugly thing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not totally against plastic surgery to correct things that some might consider imperfections. Babies born with cleft palates, burn victims, etc. Things like that, yeah, I'm totally for fixing. But what in the hell are people thinking when they have so many surgeries done that they look NOTHING like they used to?? I honestly did NOT recognize Liza Minelli until they mentioned her by name. And my first thought? No way, really??? Ew, what happened?? And that little blue streak in her hair? Maybe that would work for her granddaughter, but come on, Liza, accept your age and do it gracefully. Maggie Smith, Dame Judy Dench, hell even Meryl Streep are all beautiful older women. YOU, on the other hand, are a joke. A caricature of your former self. You too, Goldie. You were stunning! But you felt the need to fight nature, and now you LOOK like you're fighting nature. It's painfully OBVIOUS to the rest of the free world that you've paid to change your looks, and while you're TRYING to look like you did 15-20 years ago, truth is, you look NOTHING like that. Now you look like shit.

Why can't folks be happy with who they are and what they look like? I've fought a battle with my weight for years. I hate my body. I'm trying to change it. But I'm trying to do it for health reasons. I'm not doing it to look younger or prettier. I've accepted that my freckles are with me til the end. I've accepted that I'm 5'1" and will never have long, luscious legs. I'll make them more muscular with running, but they are never gonna be lean and pretty. But my face is who I am, it's what people know. And I wouldn't ever consider having botox injections or tucks or implants. I like who I am overall, imperfections included.

Just because people HAVE the money to change the way they look doesn't mean they SHOULD change the way they look. In my opinion, they should donate the money they would use for plastic surgery to folks that have no control over their looks due to fire, accident, etc., or Operation Smile or another charitable organization that helps folks. That's just my 2 cents.