Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 24 and 21. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Friday, March 6, 2015

Can Someone Please Explain??

How in the WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS is Kim Kraptrashian even relevant? I seriously do NOT understand how she or any of the rotting fruit in her family tree are relevant. Even my teenage daughters don't get why these assbags constantly make the news. One of them bought a ridiculously priced mansion, it made the news and both of my daughters were incredulous. "WHY does anyone care?? What do they actually DO???" I don't get it either babe. I really don't.

Moving on, does anybody REALLY believe that Ronan Farrow is truly the offspring of Woody Allen?  Seriously, how dumb do they think we are. If  you have no clue what I'm talking about, stay with me.

Hollywood would have you believe that Ronan Farrow:

....came from the loins of Woody Allen????:

Excuse me for one second....

Okay I'm back. I'm not telling any tales when I say that Mia Farrow had an affair while she was still married to Woody Allen, and she had a baby that 'may possibly be the biological son of Frank Sinatra'. Um, ya think?? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles are both wondering why anyone believes that Woody Allen is Ronan's dad.

Here's another thing I just can't wrap my brain around: Teenage smoking. Now when I was a teenager (back when dinosaurs  roamed the earth and the internet was just a gleam in Al Gore's eye), teens thought it was cool to smoke. Not me, because my mother always told me I was allergic to cigarettes and if I started smoking I would die (good job Mom!). But I had lots of friends who smoked. Didn't really bother me all that much. And a pack of cigarettes didn't require you to take out a second mortgage on your house. But today? Cigarettes are twice as expensive as a gallon of gas. and it's not just a myth that cigarettes cause cancer, it's a proven fact. People. Die. So WHY in the WORLD do kids still think it's cool to start smoking?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?? STOP that! Stop that right now! Save your money for gas, or to put your parents in a home, but for the love of all that's holy, DON'T SMOKE!! YOU. WILL. DIE.

And I'm off the soapbox.

Let me tell you something else that completely confuses the shit out of me. Aging. I'm going to be 48 this year. I've got grey hair that's extremely color resistant. I've got aches, my teeth are failing me, my eyesight sucks and I'm knocking on the door to menopause. HOWEVER, I don't FEEL like I'm going to be 48. When I was a kid, 30 was old. 40 was near death and if you hit 50 you should probably grow out your beard and go live in a mountaintop cave and dole out sage advice in between naps.

But now that I'm thisclose to 50, none of this makes sense to me. I curse like a truck driver (thanks to my Dad, who WAS, in fact, a truck driver), I am active (sort of), I love to hang out and party with my girlfriends, my taste in music is ridiculously diverse (the music on my running playlist ranges from Duran Duran to Eminem, Afrika Bambaataa to Bruno Mars (oddly enough, I just checked Wiki for the correct spelling of Afrika Bambaataa and found out that his real name is Kevin Donovan. Put that on the list of shit I don't get.) I love those Imagine Dragons. And I also love swing music, the Mills Brothers and The Platters.

Anyway, my point is, I thought at close to 50 I'd be more... old. But I don't feel that way now. I still like to laugh at inappropriate stuff, I listen to today's music (damn you Taylor Swift) and enjoy (most of) it. I know who is who in One Direction and I love that my daughters inherited the 'love of concerts' gene from me. Live music keeps me young, does that make sense? Yes, these days I DO need earplugs when attending concerts but that's because I want to be able to hear the phone ring or my kids talking to me after a concert.

Getting old really has me confused, between how I ACT and how I think I'm SUPPOSED to act.

One last thing and I'll let you get on with your life. WHY do singers feel the need to ruin perfectly good songs by inviting a rapper to come in and shit on their relatively decent material? You have a perfectly good song. You have a perfectly fine group. Why do they feel the need to sprinkle a little rap shit into the mix and ruin what could otherwise be a catchy tune? And does ANYONE really say "a catchy tune" anymore??

What about you? Do you have any explanations for these things about which I've written? Can you help a sister out? Am I young at heart? Am I just old and am not ready to accept it?


  1. ok..trying this again after the interweb poofed my comment before!!
    I swear we are 1 soul living in 2 bodies sometime! I will also be 48 this year (in a couple weeks in fact) and cannot believe that at all. I do not look like what I envisioned 50 of being, I do not act like a nearly 50 yr old, that's for sure...and I'm way too busy to even think of becoming a grandmother anytime soon. (altho with a 21 yr old son, that day has the possibility of arriving closer and closer!) I can rock it with my 70s/80s Classic Rock, break it down with MC Hammer and croon with the BackStreet Boys from the 90s, and cardance like nobody's business to Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, and the like, must to the girlchild's chagrin! (in fact, even more so when she is with me!) Like you, I have no friggin idea why anyone would give a rat's ass about the Kraptashians (love that moniker by the way) and if that boy up there doesn't belong to Ole' Blue Eyes, then butter my butt and call me a biscuit. And to all those young fellas tryin to look "gangsta".. PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS! You look like you dumped a load in your drawers, and it's disrespectful to your mamas b/c people see you and think she didn't teach you any better!! *ugh*

    1. Butter my butt and call me a biscuit. I love you Robin.

  2. Teri - I get you. I don't get the Kardashians at all - why ARE they famous? I too have a wide range of musical interests (mostly the 80s, but I've got some modern stuff too.) And no, you're not old. I'm not far behind you and I don't feel old, I don't act old - i.e. I'm not old! (and neither are you!) Age is only a number. And I am a firm believer that music does keep us young! Hell, it's working for Duran (mostly), why not us too? :D

  3. My kids think my old fashioned sayings and expressions are hilarious. I have to explain each one though and I find that weird and annoying. And when I was a young whipper snapper (yeah I'd have to explain that to my boys), I would think I would FEEL 16 or I would FEEL 18, 21, etc. Nope. I never felt any different. I've always been me. Just matured (a little) I guess. :-)

  4. One of my husband's co workers funniest Facebook status updates was something like: Kendall Jenner just bought a 10 trillion dollar home and I am trying to decide whether to upgrade to guacamole on my burrito bowl at Chipotle.

    1. I hear ya!! We are facing the "do we let the cable get shut off (hubby's vice) or the internet get shut off (the kids'/my vice) this month!! $10trillion home my eye.. wth? and you know she aint gonna be the one cleaning it!!!

  5. And the same feeling still applies to me at 66....yea, a little slower, a little grayer, but still feel like the same person (just wish I knew even at 48 what I know now to be true....love one another!)

  6. Okay, I'm about a decade younger than you (I'll be 37 in May) but I was having THESE SAME THOUGHTS just the other day! I used to think 30 was old, and 40 was like, fat and ugly and ancient and sitting in the yard with my walker yelling at the neighborhood kids to "GET OFF MY LAWN"

    Yet, I'm pushing 40 and I talk like a fucking trucker driver myself, dance with my teen and tween boys to Bruno Mars and still dig reading YA novels. Does anyone say "dig" anymore?

    It's weird, how what we used to think of as old is now not old. I do protest that I act much younger than any 37 year olds I knew when I was a kid - that has to be the answer, right?

  7. That is frank sinatra with ginger hair!! That should be obvious to anyone..
    I'm still waiting for the Kardashians to be involved in some sort of horrific accident, maybe their mansion will burn down while they're in it (and if we're lucky one direction will be visiting them at the time)
    As for being old, in my 20s I used to say id be surprised if I hit 40 - at 35, 40 is perilously close and I still feel like a teenager most of the time!

  8. I loathe anything Kardashian. They are simply useless and think they have entitlements for being rich. As for smoking, I used to do it once in a while when I was a teenager. The thought was not so much that we were cool but that it was a rebellious attitude because we didn't even dare to do it in front of adults or on the street. Nowadays, i see these teenagers smoking and it's the stupidest thing to see them being so pretentious.

    I'm a decade younger than you and I feel I'll be in my mid 40s in the next couple of years. As for feeling my age, nah... 14 is where I stopped mentally growing up. Sometimes I go up to 15 or 16 and it scares the shit out of me.
    I've read you plenty of times before and for 48, that prof pic of you is smoking!

  9. I thought he totally looks like Frank Sinatra. Deffo not Woody Allen! And I TOTALLY agree with you about the Kartrashians. Every single one of them from the mother to the trans whatever dad and everyone in between That some young women want to emulate any of that behavior is so sad. One more thing. Being "close to 50" is getting my blood pressure up. I wish I was as young as you! I'm SIXTY!!! Crap. Thanks for depressing me!!!! (love your blog, tho)

  10. I don't understand the hate towards the Kardashians. I'm not trying to be a smart a$$; I sincerely don't understand. And I don't have a google account, LiveJournal, Wordpress, or any other option from the drop down menu, so I have to post as anonymous.


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