Can Someone Please Explain??

How in the WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS is Kim Kraptrashian even relevant? I seriously do NOT understand how she or any of the rotting fruit in her family tree are relevant. Even my teenage daughters don't get why these assbags constantly make the news. One of them bought a ridiculously priced mansion, it made the news and both of my daughters were incredulous. "WHY does anyone care?? What do they actually DO???" I don't get it either babe. I really don't.

Moving on, does anybody REALLY believe that Ronan Farrow is truly the offspring of Woody Allen?  Seriously, how dumb do they think we are. If  you have no clue what I'm talking about, stay with me.

Hollywood would have you believe that Ronan Farrow:

....came from the loins of Woody Allen????:

Excuse me for one second....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay I'm back. I'm not telling any tales when I say that Mia Farrow had an affair while she was still married to Woody Allen, and she had a baby that 'may possibly be the biological son of Frank Sinatra'. Um, ya think?? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles are both wondering why anyone believes that Woody Allen is Ronan's dad.

Here's another thing I just can't wrap my brain around: Teenage smoking. Now when I was a teenager (back when dinosaurs  roamed the earth and the internet was just a gleam in Al Gore's eye), teens thought it was cool to smoke. Not me, because my mother always told me I was allergic to cigarettes and if I started smoking I would die (good job Mom!). But I had lots of friends who smoked. Didn't really bother me all that much. And a pack of cigarettes didn't require you to take out a second mortgage on your house. But today? Cigarettes are twice as expensive as a gallon of gas. and it's not just a myth that cigarettes cause cancer, it's a proven fact. People. Die. So WHY in the WORLD do kids still think it's cool to start smoking?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?? STOP that! Stop that right now! Save your money for gas, or to put your parents in a home, but for the love of all that's holy, DON'T SMOKE!! YOU. WILL. DIE.

And I'm off the soapbox.

Let me tell you something else that completely confuses the shit out of me. Aging. I'm going to be 48 this year. I've got grey hair that's extremely color resistant. I've got aches, my teeth are failing me, my eyesight sucks and I'm knocking on the door to menopause. HOWEVER, I don't FEEL like I'm going to be 48. When I was a kid, 30 was old. 40 was near death and if you hit 50 you should probably grow out your beard and go live in a mountaintop cave and dole out sage advice in between naps.

But now that I'm thisclose to 50, none of this makes sense to me. I curse like a truck driver (thanks to my Dad, who WAS, in fact, a truck driver), I am active (sort of), I love to hang out and party with my girlfriends, my taste in music is ridiculously diverse (the music on my running playlist ranges from Duran Duran to Eminem, Afrika Bambaataa to Bruno Mars (oddly enough, I just checked Wiki for the correct spelling of Afrika Bambaataa and found out that his real name is Kevin Donovan. Put that on the list of shit I don't get.) I love those Imagine Dragons. And I also love swing music, the Mills Brothers and The Platters.

Anyway, my point is, I thought at close to 50 I'd be more... old. But I don't feel that way now. I still like to laugh at inappropriate stuff, I listen to today's music (damn you Taylor Swift) and enjoy (most of) it. I know who is who in One Direction and I love that my daughters inherited the 'love of concerts' gene from me. Live music keeps me young, does that make sense? Yes, these days I DO need earplugs when attending concerts but that's because I want to be able to hear the phone ring or my kids talking to me after a concert.

Getting old really has me confused, between how I ACT and how I think I'm SUPPOSED to act.

One last thing and I'll let you get on with your life. WHY do singers feel the need to ruin perfectly good songs by inviting a rapper to come in and shit on their relatively decent material? You have a perfectly good song. You have a perfectly fine group. Why do they feel the need to sprinkle a little rap shit into the mix and ruin what could otherwise be a catchy tune? And does ANYONE really say "a catchy tune" anymore??

What about you? Do you have any explanations for these things about which I've written? Can you help a sister out? Am I young at heart? Am I just old and am not ready to accept it?

Real Stars vs. Fake Stars

Sometimes the craziest ideas hit you at the weirdest times. I have admitted to you 3 readers before that I'm suffering from writer's block. I've got nothing in the tank. No fresh, hot, original ideas. Nuttin' honey. I sit in front of my computer and think: "Ok there's gotta be SOMETHING to write about, right?" but there's no response. So I'm watching The Today Show this morning and those crazy Kardashians were on, discussing Kim's pregnancy and their TV show: "We're 2 Rich Girls With Enough Money To Buy A Small African Country, So Naturally You Want To Watch Us and Our Extremely Important Lives!" To say I was disgusted would be an understatement. I saw this meme on FB the other day:

This is the perfect description for those pimples on the asses of society, those Kardashians. Then I thought, what good do they do? What good, positive things can I say about Kim Kardashian? She keeps the botox industry alive? Her real dad defended OJ?  Hmmm, what else. What positive things does this woman contribute to society? And then it hit me. Like a freaking Mack truck, it hit me and I knew what I wanted to write about. Real celebrities vs. fake celebrities. Real people who do real things. Real people who do GOOD things, and who ask nothing in return. More specifically, my friend Holly Morgan Frye.

Photo courtesy of Shepherd University

Holly has never appeared on the cover of People Magazine (nor does she want to). She's never walked the red carpet at a Hollywood premiere (nor does she want to). Much like Kim Kardashian, Holly's never starred in a movie or on Broadway. But unlike Kim Kardashian, Holly has done GOOD things for society and she's does them humbly, without fanfare, and without looking for the spotlight. No, quite the opposite. Holly would be just as happy sitting in her living room, working on her tablet, wearing pajamas and drinking wine (that I've brought over) and eating cheese (that I've brought over) and watching a movie (you guessed it....) than having people fawn over her, telling her how amazing she is and snapping thousands of pictures of her in a pair of Jimmy Choos and an haute couture gown.

Kim Kardashian has donated her clothes to charity. Holly Frye has donated tens of thousands of hours to charity. Holly is the Assistant Vice President of Student Affairs for Student Engagement at Shepherd University. She works the front lines with students and faculty for the good of the community. When Holly calls me, I know I'm in for something. Whether it be to come over and watch a movie (bring your own wine, cheese and movie) or to help bag up 40,000 lbs of sweet potatoes for food banks, soup kitchens and shelters throughout our county. I've never been invited to go help cancer patients with Kim Kardashian, but every year I gladly accept the call from Holly when she asks me to come help out with Relay for Life at Shepherd University.

I could be way off base here but I'm going to take a wild guess and suggest that NONE of those Kardashians have ever built a house. God forbid they should ruin a perfectly good mani/pedi! Holly takes a huge crew of college students away every year for 'Alternative Spring Break' where they spend their spring break not drinking in bars and partying, but building a house for Habitat for Humanity. 

I will never meet Kim and Kanye's baby (thank God!) nor do I want to. But I have the pleasure of calling Holly's youngest son MY son from another mother. Our kids are best friends, and that's how I came to meet Holly. And she's grown to be one of my dearest friends here in Shepherdstown. Think Lucy and Ethel. But without the disasters. Or the bongos. Holly makes me laugh whenever we're together and she never takes herself too seriously. In the past she's done more than any one person should have to do in name of Relay for Life. She's kissed a pig. And she's taken pie in the face. From me.

I got to Pie the Frye for Relay for Life

For those of you who have read all the way to this point, I want to tell you my favorite Holly Morgan Frye quote, and this quote means more to me than anything in movie or a TV show or a magazine, because it's real. 2 years ago at Relay, it was about midnight and we were in Holly's office taking a 10 minute break from all the festivities, and the police chief called Holly to say that there was a complaint from a resident who lived near the campus where Relay was being held. Apparently, it was too loud. When were we going to stop making so much noise on campus that night? Holly, without missing a beat exclaimed: "When we find a cure for cancer."

In my eyes, that's CLEARLY the true definition of a 'star'.