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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

How I Spent My Saturday

So this morning, the crazywhackjobnazirunningho neighbor invited us to go for a bike ride on the C & O Canal in Maryland near our little bustling burg. So the husband and I happily donned our helmets, packed a lunch and pumped up the tires. 15 was at a cross country meet and 12 was at a Red Cross babysitter training course. From here in town to Harpers Ferry, it's close to a 15 mile bike ride along the absolutely gorgeous canal. Gorgeous scenery. Excellent company. And one extremely sore ass.

I don't have padded bike shorts. Now, I DO have an enormous ass, lots of extra padding down there, but apparently fat, while a great insulator against the cold, does NOTHING to cushion the constant bumps, rocks, tree roots and various branches that my bike encountered. Imagine, the National Park Service did NOT do a clean sweep of the canal prior to my 15 mile-one-way bike ride. The nerve.

So we got down to our destination, parked the bikes and broke out the grub. We watched some completely INSANE guys repelling down the side of the mountain at Maryland Heights. We watched a ton of tourists going over the walkway bridge to the historic park on the West Virginia side. We passed a group of horseback riders enjoying the beauty of the day and the amazing views of the area where the Potomac and Shenandoah Rivers converge. And my ass was sore.

After we finished sandwiches and snacks, we mounted our bikes for the 15 mile trek back to town. And the real pain started. I gave birth to two children via C-section (not today, stay with me here). With 15, I was in labor for 19 hours and never dilated beyond 6 cm. I 'hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo'd' for 19 hours trying hard NOT to squeeze her out because she'd end up looking like she was coming out of the Play-Doh fun factory.  They finally took her via C-section, thank God. Not trying to get all gross on you, just stating the fact that I had labor pain and a sore vajay-jay. But this ass pounding that I took was pretty freaking close on the pain scale to that labor pain.

I was within 4 miles of home and had to get off my bike and walk, I could not take the pain anymore. I walked for about a half mile and then got back up on the bike. It really IS like riding a bike. You don't forget how. And you don't forget the ass-pain.

That's all I've got for today. I'd blog more but I've gotta go ice my ass.

8 comments:

  1. I sort of know what you mean. I took a spinning class one time and the next day it felt like someone had hit me in the crotch with a sledge hammer. No fun at all. If I'm gonna be sore down there I'd at least like to have an orgasm first.

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    1. AMEN!! The ride itself was pretty and pleasant but not nearly pleasurable enough to warrant feeling like sledgehammer crotch.

      Teri

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  2. Oh God you had me laughing on this one!! Play doh factory? Hilarious! Great post, great writer. Just joined on your GFC. Hoping you'll come back and follow if you like what you read. Thanks for sharing this...I'll be back to read more from you!

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  3. Thanks Mama!! I will be back to your blog!

    Teri

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  4. Ha! Oh, I mean, awww. :) I only laugh because I've been there - as a cyclist and as a Play-Doh fun factory.

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    1. Thanks Robyn. I appreciate any and all sympathy. ;)

      Teri

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  5. Yeah, that's another reason I don't bike. And an extreme fear of killing the small child strapped to the back of my bike in a seat any yelling "Go fastew Mommy ober da jump!" Um, I can barely pedal in a straight line without going ass over tea kettle. There shall be no jumps in my lifetime - at least, not by choice!

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  6. Oh this is so funny. I am sorry your butt hurt. I did the golden triangle when I was in high school and forgot to wear padded shorts one of the days it was pretty rough. I feel your pain.

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