Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Monday, April 7, 2014

People are gross...

Let's talk about search terms. When you open up The Google and search stuff, you get a list of websites that are brimming with info on your search term. Or so you'd think.

Normally, if I wanted information on 'farting butterflies', I'd enter the search term "farting butterflies" and hopefully, The Google would bring up a whole bunch of websites with lots of info on this interesting topic.

So someone needs to explain to me how in the WIDE world people find MY blog, THIS little blog here, by typing in weird search terms that have absolutely NOTHING to do with me. Seriously. I write about my kids, my crush on Mike Rowe, current topics. I do NOT, however, write about a girl 'loosing' her virginity to a cat. Or how about this one: 'don't look under my dress perv boy'.  2 years ago I wrote about my daughter buying a homecoming dress that was too small, but never mentioned any perv boy looking up her dress, so how do they find MY blog by searching THOSE terms??

I do get a lot of people finding my blog by searching 'Mike Rowe married', and that fits, because you may or may not know this, but I've got a little crush on him, so that's totally understandable. I may or may not have mentioned him once or forty-bajillion times here. But when someone finds my blog by searching 'twinkies wearing overalls' I have to take pause. First of all, how the hell do Twinkies wear overalls? They don't have shoulders to keep the straps up.

Photo courtesy of Pinterest via blogheart.info
I did write a blog post on Twinkies looking like minions but I never mentioned them wearing clothes. I hate animals or snack cakes wearing clothing. That's a well-known Snarkfest fact.

The search term that one person used grosses me out probably more than any of the others. How about: Boomer Esiason nude?

Excuse me while I go and bleach my brain to get that image out of my head. I posted about Boomer being an assbag, but never ONCE did I ever say anything about him being nude. Rude. A rude dude maybe. Or crude. A crude rude dude. With a 'tude. But nude? No thank you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see what I can find on the topic of farting butterflies. And I'm sure next week that will be tops on the list of search terms for the Snarkfest blog.

Weirdos.

16 comments:

  1. I get foot fetish search terms on a daily basis.

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    Replies
    1. Do you post regularly about foot fetishes?

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    2. One day I noticed the search term "how to make my wife's feet smell like cheese" on my stat page. I wrote a post about it. WordPress featured the post on Freshly Pressed. Now I receive such search terms every day.

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  2. Darlin' you are looking for logic and it doesn't exist anymore. Neither does honesty or common sense or customer service. Ok, honesty does exist in small pockets and my kids seem to have plenty of common sense so that is still viable in some places..but customer service...nope,

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  3. "I'd like to be a donkey to any girl" ... I got that today. WTF? I always enjoy reading posts that highlight the awkward terms that get people to our blogs!! You've got some good ones!

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  4. "Fell in toilet herpes" is my current head-scratching search term. It even beat the "nacked lady pictures" one. Keep it classy, Google. :)

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    Replies
    1. Oooooh nacked lady pictures. 5 year olds should NOT have free access to The Google.

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  5. I want to know how you know the search term people find your blog with?! The most advanced thing I have is a traffic feed. It blows my mind when BAGHDAD visits. I added a translation app so that Baghdad can read what I write if they decide to. So weird. Also, farting butterflies totally cracks me up!! If butterflies fart, someone needs to get that on video, I would watch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blogger has a bunch of stats that tell you stuff like where you're getting your traffic, what search terms people use, etc.

      I'm keeping an eye out for the ever elusive farting butterfly.

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  6. hahaaha that is funny... I get perverted search terms that lead back to my blog like 'make that ass clap' yeah I dont know either

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  7. People are gross, indeed. But, damn, they make me laugh. I get "mom popping" searches all of the time. I really hope they're searching for funny stories and not pictures or something...

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I do read all comments and try to respond to them. Unless you're trying to get me to visit your website: Cheap Louis Vuitton Bags. Then you can go pound sand.