Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I must confess...

Some truth telling on the old blog today. I think it's time I came clean and 'fessed up about some stuff. Don't worry, I didn't kill anyone or hijack a school bus full of nuns or anything like that. But what I HAVE done are some things that very few people know, because they aren't things that you were supposed to do when I did them.



When 16 was just a few days old, I could NOT get her to fall asleep. I had a crib in her room but didn't use it right away since I was a brand new mother and was pretty much an idiot when it came to babies.  We kept a bassinet in our bedroom but every time she'd fall asleep in my arms and I'd put her down, she'd wake right up and fuss. So I did what any brand new mother would do. I put her in her car seat. For some reason, when I did this, she slept. And she slept well. Who was I to deny that little angel her sleep? So for about the first month of her life, my baby slept in her car seat at night.

Once I finally started figuring out this whole 'mothering' thing, I was able to rock her to sleep and put her in her crib (without her car seat) and she'd be okay. Until she wasn't. She was probably about 3 or 4 months old and I would have a hard time getting her to sleep in her crib. Like a good mother, I always laid her down on her back. No SIDS in my house! But one night I just got tired of laying her on her back and almost making it out the door before she'd start squirming and realize where she was. It was at that time that I became a rebel. SIDS be damned, I had a baby monitor, I cranked it up loud so I could hear every breath, every fart. So when I laid her back down in her crib after she'd fallen back to sleep in my arms.... I put her on her tummy. OH THE HORROR!!! I fear they are coming to take away my 'Mother of the Year' sash and tiara. Oh well. Guess what. She's 16, and she survived sleeping on her tummy. The only person I ever told about this was my best friend. And guess what! SHE DID IT TOO!!!! We felt like some secret society of 'Moms Who Throw Caution to the Wind!' We were rebel moms, but we slept! Oh the sleep! It was a secret that we only discussed in private when no one could hear us, and we relished the fact that we had our little club of 2.

When my girls were a little older, probably 3 or 4, they were fighting (as they did on a regular basis) and I finally followed through on my promise to call Santa and report them. I called them both into the room, and then I dialed his number and I said "Hello Santa? This is Mrs. Biebel. That's right, Jennifer and Amanda's mom. I'm fine thank you, and you? Oh that's good, I'm glad to hear it. Listen, Santa, I'm calling because I wanted to let you know that Jenn and Amanda don't want any Christmas presents this year. Yes, that's right, they keep fighting and...oh you've seen them? Oh, so you know how they've been behaving. Oh good! What's that Santa? You want to talk to them? Ok, hang on I'll get them." The look of terror in those little eyes was just priceless. I wish I had captured it on film. Or my phone. Or whatever. They were like frightened kittens.



I handed the phone to Jennifer and she very sheepishly spoke to Santa and promised Santa that she would be much nicer to her sister and she would stop fighting with her. Then she handed the phone to her sister who cried and cried because she wanted presents. I believe that's all she told Santa. She wanted presents. Whatever it took, she'd do what she needed to do. Because PRESENTS.

Those girls never even guessed that it was my brother, their Uncle Billy on the other end of that phone. And I didn't care. I actually got a few weeks of peace out of that one phone call to 'Santa' and I owed my big brother a huge debt of gratitude for playing along.

Phew, I don't know about you but I feel much better now that I've gotten those things off my chest. Now it's your turn. What secrets do YOU have that you feel you can finally confess? Go ahead, I won't tell.

Hey, before you go, just a reminder. That little box over there on the right that says "Shop Amazon.com" is for you. I'm saving you the trouble of typing in "Amazon.com", just click the link and do your shopping and I get a teeny tiny percentage of money for keeping that link on my page. Go on, you know you need a new pair of flip-flops, a shower cap and a can of whipped cream.


12 comments:

  1. First, thanks for the heads up on the Amazon link, I have some serious shopping to do so you might seelike $.40 or something.

    Confession? Hmmmm..... How about that picture frame that Hubby's ex girlfriend gave us as a wedding gift? Yes, sure she took the time to go to Things Remembered and paid the $6 to have it engraved (it was 1996 and the thing to do) but somehow it never made it to a shelf with our wedding photo in it. Why? I could say that I don't want to be reminded of her everyday and while that wouldn't be a lie, it simply brings out the "I'm so much smarter than she is" part of me that dissolves into a fit of giggles every time I lay eyes on it that I couldn't leave it out for fear of telling the story to anyone that walked into our home. Rather than having it engraved with our last name as a plural, she had them add an apostrophe. ("The Smith's rather than "The Smiths") So I suppose one of us owns the frame, probably him. The frame lives in a dark corner of the basement in a tote full of miscellaneous crap that our kids will one day inherit and throw away. I just can't part with it though. Sometimes I need a reminder that Hubby really is lucky to have landed someone who has a basic grasp of the English language. And because I like to make fun of stupid. It's just who I am.

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    1. HILARIOUS!!! That apostrophe bothers me to no end, and I see it far too often.

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    2. The apostrophe kills me. And you should re-gift that back to her!

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  2. When my daughter was 2 1/2, she and I traveled to Puerto Rico to visit my dad who was working there at the time. Not wanting my child to be one of those completely obnoxious children who scream for the entire flight, I went to my pediatrician (who happened to be my Godfather), to ask his advise. He told me it was completely acceptable for me to give my daughter 1/2 a Dramamine. So 30 minutes before takeoff, I gave her a "special vitamin". She slept from Pittsburgh to San Juan!!!

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  3. Yup, it's all about the presents. I played extra nice with my little sister when Santa threatened me with getting none when I was little. It was my uncle too!

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    1. How gullible we are as children, right?

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  4. Ill join yalls club because not only did my baby sleep in his carseat by my bed, he also slept on his tummy..I needed rest and so did he... he is about to be 7!

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    1. Congrats on keeping him alive this long, B!!!

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  5. My daughters slept between by legs, on top of the blankets, in my bed, when they were babies... I breastfed and didn't have to get up to make a bottle... so I didn't want to get up to go get her... and they slept better there as the heat duct didn't work hardly at all in their room.

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    1. That was the best sleep I had, that last feeding of the morning. She'd stir around 5 for a feeding, I'd nurse her on my side and we'd both fall back to sleep and sleep very well!11111111111111111111

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    2. Stupid keyboard keeps getting stuck

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