Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 16 and 14. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Tuesday Tirade....

Oh for the love of all that's holy, we're getting more snow. I believe we may be making up for all those nice winters where we only had a dusting of snow, and all those blistering hot summer days when we were bitching about the oppressive heat and humidity. Well guess what! WE GET IT. You've made your point. So enough with the snow already!


It's not bad enough that we've missed about seventy-bajillion days of school, but we've also had to reschedule dozens of basketball games! If we don't soon get these kids back to school they're going to have to make up all of their missed games in one day. (Although, they WILL sleep well if we do that. Hmmmm)

My girls have been complaining that even when they have off school due to snow, it's not really even a day off because I leave them a list of chores to do. Yes, that's right. Free slave labor! I put those kids to work and I work them to the bone! I work them for hours and hours, not giving them a break, to HELL with child labor laws. This ain't no democracy! Want to see the long list of things I "MADE' them do last week when we had a(nother) snow day? Here it is:

16: Unload dishwasher, help get all clean clothes off guest bed, clean your room
14: Load dishwasher, help get all clean clothes off guest bed, clean your room

What kind of horrible mother AM I?? Who makes their kids work this hard? Shouldn't I just let them be kids, let them do what they should be doing, like what normal kids do? You know, texting, snap-chatting, insta-gramming and tweeting? Kids don't even go sledding anymore. They don't want to go outside where it's cold when they can stay inside and be warm and work on their iPhone Brain Rot.

Here's what happened when I came home from work after leaving them with that huge, and totally unreasonable list of things to do while they were off from school. I was getting ready to make my macaroni, cheese and ham casserole (a favorite at Casa Snarkfest) and I needed to find my 9x13" casserole dish. It was in the sink. Dirty. Still.

When I questioned WHY said casserole dish was still dirty, the response I got was "It wouldn't fit in the dishwasher." When I questioned why no one chose to actually HAND wash that casserole dish and anything ELSE that didn't fit into the dishwasher, the response I got was "Well THAT wasn't on the list."

That was when my head exploded. There was brain matter everywhere. On the clean dishes, on the stove, on the dog's fur, it was ugly. Once again, I used my go-to phrase: "Are you fucking kidding me?" My tirade that evening was second to none and now I think that my kids understand that when I say load the dishwasher, the final result means that there isn't a fork, spoon or cup left in the sink. If it doesn't fit in the dishwasher, wash it by hand. It's not rocket science, but if I have to explain it again, flames will shoot out of my eyeballs and Godzilla will rear her ugly head again. And nobody wants that to happen.

My dogs love the snow but I think even THEY are tired of it.  This is what Henry looks like when he comes inside from being out in the snow.

Henry has snowballs. Sadly for him they're the only balls he's got.
Look at that sad face!! Poor thing looks like he's got little white tumors all over his fur. That's the face of an unhappy dog, covered in balls. That can't be comfortable. Mother Nature is making my dog miserable. So please, Mother Nature, give my dog a break. Give my kids a break. And for heaven's sake, give ME a break! NO MORE SNOW!!


23 comments:

  1. Oh I'm soooo with you! My husband has been wanting to move to Florida for a long time and I think this winter might finally be the one that makes me give in...as for your dog - awwww...I hate those snow ball things that attach to their fur. My labradoodle gets those too and she no likey!

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    1. Save me an extra room will you? I could use some warmth right about now!

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  2. We have the opposite here in San Diego, our average temperature in January was 72, today it is 80. We have had one day of rain in 60. Crazy how different extremes.

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    1. Jules, I'll happily trade places with you for one week.

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  3. This pic is PRICELESS! He looks like he has a "moth-ball bikini" on!!!! Hey, any chance we could kidnap "14" on Wed. evening and keep her for the SNOWMAGEDDON duration? My kiddo is gonna be BORED TO TEARS without someone to play video games with!!!!

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    1. That's EXACTLY what he looks like, Lynn. And he hates when I have to dry him, so he sits in his crate. And he sat in the crate that day until almost all of those 'moth balls' on his bikini area melted.

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  4. Love your Snarkiness! I've got teen girls 18 & 16. Been there!

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    1. Then you know exactly what I'm dealing with, Laura. Misery appreciates company!

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  5. i am down with you! NO MORE SNOW. actually, i don't think i even care anymore. let it snow. see if i care.

    shame about the dogs, though. i have a lil dog who's close to the ground. he's not "fixed" either. so...he's not so crazy bout the snow either.

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    1. Yikes! Poor dragging dog! And yeah, I'm about to just stick my finger up at Mother Nature and say "Is that all you've got???" but I'm afraid I'd get hit with snow-lightning.

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  6. I am in GA where snow is like acid dripping from the sky. My GA dog thinks we should move to Hawaii, and I'm about to pack for him.
    Also, I have very similar requests for my two (ages 11 & 9) and you'd think I was asking for them to climb Mt Everest. I don't even ask for help with dirty dishes (11 would gag and 9 would say eh, good enough). TOTALLY could see that scenario in our kitchen, thanks for the warning. Teach me your ways, oh Snarky one! :)

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    1. I drink lots of red wine, Jolie. It is not only good for my health (all those antioxidants) but it makes is less painful for me when I put my dirty wine glass into a sink full of dirty dishes. If I'm impaired, I don't really notice all the dirty dishes.

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  7. So I'm not the only mama who goes ballistic when her kids don't use the brains in their heads?? My kids know the level of pissed based on whether I say freaking, flipping, or fucking in the "Are you ____ kidding me?!"

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    1. Kids are very perceptive like that. And no, you are not alone!

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  9. I think you are right. This is payback for all the recent mild snowless winters we got here in NYC. Still, I don't mind it. I'll still take some cold and snow over 90 degree humid swamp ass summers. I will admit living in the city kicks butt over being stuck in the burbs when it snows. At least all the Chinese places stay open and delivers!

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    1. Chinese food delivery???? Man, the big city is AWESOME!!!!

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  10. I can't stop laughing at the picture of the dog. The facial expression! The snow balls! HAHAHAHAHA! (Oh yeah, sorry for all of the snow.)

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    1. He was not amused. As you can tell from the scowl on his face. :D

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  11. you remind me of me when Im telling my kids things to do LMAO!

    im tired of sucky weather but thankful no snow except that one day when it sleeted some and alabama shut down

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    1. After tonight and tomorrow I think the entire Eastern seaboard will be closed.

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  12. And then we have my favorite issue....not refilling the toilet paper when there is literally ONE SQUARE left on the roll, and the cabinet is next to the toilet!!! It makes me froth at the mouth in anger! And they act like I'm the crazy one for asking.....

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  13. Yup. That exactly. My kids are the same way. My daughter's job is to unload the dishwasher & I have to tell her about 10 times b/4 she does it. Then one day when she wasn't around I had to do it & I'm like, "That was the easiest fucking job in the world. What the hell is she complaining about?" I've often wanted to scream "Are you fucking kidding?" me at my kids but I didn't know if it was appropriate. Now I'm doing it!

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