High School Reunion

I'm heading back to New Jersey this weekend for my (cough cough) 35th High School Reunion. This will be the first time I've been back to New Jersey since my mom passed away in 2016. I've definitely got mixed feelings about it all.

On the one hand, crossing over the Delaware Memorial Bridge is going to bring back a flood of sad memories. Memories I've blocked out for 3 years. Memories of watching my mom struggle to breathe, being restless in her sleep and finally, taking her last breath and passing peacefully. Those are memories I don't want to relive.

But then there are the other memories. The good ones. I lived in New Jersey most of my life. We moved there when I was 7 and I left when I was 39 so that's a pretty good chunk of time. I still have best friends who live there. I have a history there, so I need to suck it up and make the trip.

I married my husband and had both of my babies there, worked in the casino biz for over 20 years in Atlantic City. I lived at the beach for many many years and was spoiled by it. It wasn't until I left the shore that I realized how lucky I was to have it so close. Now, going to the beach is a once a year event to be treasured, but back then it was an everyday occurrence that I could take or leave. I'd take that back in a heartbeat.

One of my very favorite parts of living at the beach was being able to walk on the boardwalk in the middle of the winter without a soul around. Honestly, I loved working on the boardwalk during my high school years, with the crowds, the noises, the sights and smells. And the boys. So many boys!

But the winters were so peaceful, so isolating, so wonderfully serene.

I am looking forward to seeing my crew, my ride or die high school friends, some of whom I haven't actually seen since high school. We've been lucky enough to keep in touch through the magic of Facebook but it will be so good to see them, to hug them, to catch up in-person.

I am also looking forward to being catty and seeing people who I didn't care for back then, secretly hoping they look old, remembering what jackasses we thought they were. There will be many many laughs, maybe some tears but definitely good times ahead and hopefully we'll make more good memories that I can take home with me.

Tuesday Tirade....

Oh for the love of all that's holy, we're getting more snow. I believe we may be making up for all those nice winters where we only had a dusting of snow, and all those blistering hot summer days when we were bitching about the oppressive heat and humidity. Well guess what! WE GET IT. You've made your point. So enough with the snow already!

It's not bad enough that we've missed about seventy-bajillion days of school, but we've also had to reschedule dozens of basketball games! If we don't soon get these kids back to school they're going to have to make up all of their missed games in one day. (Although, they WILL sleep well if we do that. Hmmmm)

My girls have been complaining that even when they have off school due to snow, it's not really even a day off because I leave them a list of chores to do. Yes, that's right. Free slave labor! I put those kids to work and I work them to the bone! I work them for hours and hours, not giving them a break, to HELL with child labor laws. This ain't no democracy! Want to see the long list of things I "MADE' them do last week when we had a(nother) snow day? Here it is:

16: Unload dishwasher, help get all clean clothes off guest bed, clean your room
14: Load dishwasher, help get all clean clothes off guest bed, clean your room

What kind of horrible mother AM I?? Who makes their kids work this hard? Shouldn't I just let them be kids, let them do what they should be doing, like what normal kids do? You know, texting, snap-chatting, insta-gramming and tweeting? Kids don't even go sledding anymore. They don't want to go outside where it's cold when they can stay inside and be warm and work on their iPhone Brain Rot.

Here's what happened when I came home from work after leaving them with that huge, and totally unreasonable list of things to do while they were off from school. I was getting ready to make my macaroni, cheese and ham casserole (a favorite at Casa Snarkfest) and I needed to find my 9x13" casserole dish. It was in the sink. Dirty. Still.

When I questioned WHY said casserole dish was still dirty, the response I got was "It wouldn't fit in the dishwasher." When I questioned why no one chose to actually HAND wash that casserole dish and anything ELSE that didn't fit into the dishwasher, the response I got was "Well THAT wasn't on the list."

That was when my head exploded. There was brain matter everywhere. On the clean dishes, on the stove, on the dog's fur, it was ugly. Once again, I used my go-to phrase: "Are you fucking kidding me?" My tirade that evening was second to none and now I think that my kids understand that when I say load the dishwasher, the final result means that there isn't a fork, spoon or cup left in the sink. If it doesn't fit in the dishwasher, wash it by hand. It's not rocket science, but if I have to explain it again, flames will shoot out of my eyeballs and Godzilla will rear her ugly head again. And nobody wants that to happen.

My dogs love the snow but I think even THEY are tired of it.  This is what Henry looks like when he comes inside from being out in the snow.

Henry has snowballs. Sadly for him they're the only balls he's got.

Look at that sad face!! Poor thing looks like he's got little white tumors all over his fur. That's the face of an unhappy dog, covered in balls. That can't be comfortable. Mother Nature is making my dog miserable. So please, Mother Nature, give my dog a break. Give my kids a break. And for heaven's sake, give ME a break! NO MORE SNOW!!

Minions and Twinkies and Makeovers, Oh My!!

Got a little secret to share with you. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone. When I was in high school, about a thousand years ago, I had a huge crush on a guy named Twinkie. Yes, you read that right, Twinkie. Twinkie was on the wrestling team. People called him Twinkie and he was okay with it. Being on the wrestling team, you'd think that if someone calls a guy Twinkie, someone would get a swift kick in the ass, right? Not so much. This guy was big. And hot. And no, his momma didn't really name him Twinkie, that was just his nickname and I needed a lead-in to this post about Twinkies. And decorating Twinkies to look like the Minions from the movie Despicable Me 2. Apparently, this movie is set to be released on Blue-Ray soon and someone wanted me to write about this contest that's being sponsored by Universal Studios and Hostess (who THANK GOD started making Twinkies again).

Image courtesy: Wallcapture.com
Aren't they just the cutest stinking things????

And damn if they don't look just like Twinkies! That's what the contest thingy is about. Give your Twinkie a Minion Makeover to look like cute and adorable Minions from Despicable Me 2 and you can win stuff. More about that later. I've taken to my Snarkfest FB page and asked for one-liners from my friends and Snarklings describing their thoughts on the movie (which again, I should probably see since the first one was totes adorbs). Now, I must tell you that I have to go bleach my brain because I just typed the words 'totes adorbs' and I HATE anything that's 'totes' OR 'adorbs' but that's what the kids are saying these days and I gotsta stay current, yo.

I digress, as uszhe. So this is what the Snarklings are saying about Despicable Me 2:

"BEE-DOH, BEE-DOH, BEE-DOH" ~  Snarkling Minday (whose son Ganna is totes adorbs)
"Twinkles gross me out" ~ Snarkling Fran (who is awesome, by the way, even if Twinkles gross her out)
"Made us laugh, made us cry" ~ Snarkling Tanya (who may or may not be off her meds)
"It was better than Cats!" ~ Snarkling Theresa (who KNOWS her Cats!)
"Twenty one fart gun salute!" ~ Snarkling Sharon (who, you guessed it, knows her farts)
"Haven't seen it but two lies scare me almost as much as minions!" ~ Snarkling Evil Joy (whose autocorrect hates Twinkies too)

So there you have the shining reviews of a totally cute movie, and a cool contest whereby you decorate phallic shaped cream filled baked goods and win cool stuff. Does it GET any better??? I think not.

So here are the details of the contest for those of you who are still with me. You can read the rest, I'm going to go buy a box of Twinkies and reminisce on my high school days.

Image courtesy: wallcee.com
How do you find overalls to fit 7 Twinkies???

Sweepstakes Details: 
HOSTESS INVITES FANS TO GIVE TWINKIES A MINION MAKEOVER!
Hostess and Universal Studios Celebrate the Despicable Me 2 release on Blu-ray, DVD and Digital HD with The Twinkie Minion Makeover Sweepstakes! The Limited Edition Minion Makeover Packaging hits shelves as the holiday season gets underway. Hostess is inviting fans across the country to kick up their creativity and dress up their favorite golden, crème-filled treats and “Minion-ize” their Twinkies for the chance to win great prizes. Now through January 5, 2014, Hostess lovers can make the season a little brighter by visiting https://www.facebook.com/Hostess and https://www.Facebook.com/Hostess/app_170621563134175 to download a collection of Minion accessories, and make their own Twinkie Minion. Fans can then upload pictures of their creations to enter to win a daily instant prize, which includes a Despicable Me 2 Blu-ray™ and special offers from Hostess, or the grand prize, which includes a Home Theater System, a collection of 30 Blu-rays and a year’s supply of Hostess treats.