Did you know I was inspiring? Did you care?

Well you're gonna care! I have received the "Inspiring Blogger Award" from not one but TWO amazingly talented bloggers, Jules from My Mom's A Whackjob and Marcia from Menopausal Mother! I have a ton of respect for these two chicks so you can imagine how honored I am that they've bestowed this award upon my snarky ass. It's just nice to know that I do more than just inspire people to want to drink!

So the deal is, you list 7 facts about yourself and then nominate other bloggers for the award. And in true Snarkfest fashion, I'm breaking the rules. Sure I'll list my 7 facts, but then I'm going to just give you a list of some amazing and funny writers, all of whom will be collaborating in our upcoming book, I Just Want To Pee Alone which will be released sometime within the next month!!

This is the cover of our book!! Look, see my name?!?

So without further ado, I'm listing 7 things about myself. Ready?

1. My mom doesn't know that I'm a blogger. I have never told her about it. Not that I'm embarrassed by it or ashamed, but I'm not sure she'd be in love with the idea that I drop the F bomb so casually and on such a regular basis, so if you see her, please don't tell her about my blog, okay? Thanks.
2. I've never made brussel sprouts, liver, lima beans or squash for my family. Not that I don't love my family and want them to be healthy, but that shit tastes like llama-ass and I don't like me no llama-ass. Alright, if I'm being honest, it's not that I don't actually LIKE squash, but I just don't know what to do with it, how to cook it or anything, so yeah. That's my story. I'm an incompetent squash cooker.
3. I'm a complete slob. My house is a cluttered mess. I'm not talking Hoarders-worthy, but it's pretty cluttered. Again, please don't tell my mom.
4. There are times when I like my dogs way more than I like 15 & 13. Don't tell them I said this, but Henry and Cosmo listen to me way more than 15 & 13 do which naturally means I would rather have dogs than kids sometimes. However, Henry and Cosmo pretty much suck at volleyball and trumpet and that's when I'm glad that I also have kids, because my kids DO excel at those activities. It's a nice, well-balanced relationship here in my house. But again, don't tell the kids, okay? 
5. I know that Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones dinners are way high in sodium and probably (okay totally) not that good for you, but when I'm trying to lose weight and am super busy (like every day) they are so much easier, so much more convenient for me to just grab, eat and go. So don't tell my doctor that I eat those relatively often, okay?
6. My dad died of a heart attack in August of 2010 and that October, I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington, DC and raised $1800 for the American Heart Association. It was my first marathon.
7. I used to be meticulous in balancing my checkbook. I used Quicken, balanced it to the penny every month and would freak out if it was off, I'd investigate that shit like Morgan and Hotch until I found the  mistake. Then I gave birth. Now I'm lucky if I even open the bank statement when it comes in each month. And if I open it, odds are, I never actually REMOVE the statement from the envelope.

Okay it seems as though I've trusted you people with a LOT of personal information about myself. If my mom calls me and questions me about my blog, I'm coming to find whichever one of you ratted me out. Until that happens, here is my list of inspiring bloggers. You don't have to go visit them all, you don't even have to click a single link if you don't want to. But if you don't, you'll be missing out on some seriously funny shit. Here are the ladies who will be joining me in the book I Just Want To Pee Alone:

People I Want to Punch in the Throat                Insane in the Mom-Brain

The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva              Baby Sideburns

Rants from Mommyland                                     You Know it Happens at Your House Too

My Life and Kids                                                Bad Parenting Moments

Let Me Start By Saying                                     Suburban Snapshots

Frugalista Blog                                                  My Real Life

Ninja Mom                                                        Four Plus and Angel

Honest Mom                                                     Binkies and Briefcases

Naps Happen                                                   Kelley's Break Room

Toulouse and Tonic                                          HouseTalkN

Hollow Tree Ventures                                       The Fordeville Diaries

Mom's New Stage                                             Nurse Mommy Laughs

The Dose of Reality                                          The Mom of the Year

Life on Peanut Layne                                        Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine

Momaical                                                          Confessions of a Cornfed Girl

Random Handprints                                           RachRiot

You're My Favorite Today                                 Family is Funny

I Love Them the Most When They're Sleeping   

Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess

Seriously? Labels needed on soda?

Warning: rant ahead. Proceed with caution. I just came across this link posted on Freakbook by my friend Sue and I'm just flabbergasted. (that's such a great word, isn't it?) It's a story from the Huffington Post  which states that this woman, Natasha Harris, 31 years old and mother to 8 (that's right I said EIGHT children) died from drinking 2 gallons of Coca-Cola every day. Oh and in addition to her 'Coke' habit she also smoked up to 30 cigarettes a day according to this article, also from HuffPo.

Now, the coroner in her case said that the beverage company needs to put warning labels on their product telling of the dangers of over-consumption. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous and the coroner should be slapped in the head with a stapler. Common sense, people. Get some!! What's next?? Are we such a fucked up idiotic society that we need labels telling us what common sense should tell us? Do we need warning labels for such obvious things like:

Stoves: warning, fire is hot, don't put your hand on the flame that you're using to cook your dinner. It will burn. It will hurt.

Ovens: warning, gas comes out of this device and if you stick your head inside, it might either cook you or poison you. Either way, it'll hurt.

Cars: warning, cars are big and heavy so if you see one coming, do NOT, under any circumstances, jump in front of it. It will hurt.

Doors: warning, if you shut this device with your finger in it, it will hurt. Don't be a dumbass.

Coffee makers: warning, pour the contents of the pot into a mug and then add some cream or milk. Drinking it right out of the pot will burn your mouth, because guess what, asshat: COFFEE'S HOT and it will hurt.

Zoos: warning, don't jump into the lion's/tiger's/bears cage because guess what? They are carnivores. If you don't know what it means, leave the zoo and go buy a dictionary. Otherwise, they will eat you for dinner with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Matches: warning, if you light this match and put it near your hair, you will burn your hair off. Wig companies will love you and your business, burn units will think you're an asshole. Either way, it will hurt.

Interstates: warning, there are lots of big, heavy cars and trucks on this thing, and therefore please do not decide to have a game of touch football with your drunken buddies because as stated up there in #3, cars are heavy, trucks are heavier. You WILL become roadkill and it WILL hurt.

Electrical outlets: warning, do not wet your finger and stick it in these little holes. You will end up getting fried and yes, that will hurt.

Baggies full of pot: warning, if you smoke this shit, you may get the overwhelming urge to eat countless bags of Doritos, dozens of Snickers bars and maybe 2 gallons of Coke. You'll get fat, and trying to squeeze into your size 16's will hurt. 

Are you seeing a pattern here? Where do we draw the line at warning labels? When does it become industry's job to teach you not to be an idiot? Do we have McDonald's put a label on every Happy Meal stating: "Warning, over-consumption may lead you to be a lazy fat ass so ask your mommy to take you out for a nice salad instead"?? Will Tastycakes boxes come with a label that says "Warning, if you eat this entire box in one sitting, your size 16's will no longer fit you"? The same could be said for Girl Scout cookies? Am I going to sue the little Girl Scouts for feeding my Thin Mint habit? Cuz those bitches are like crack to me. (Thin Mints, not Girl Scouts, you perverts).

When does it all end? When does common sense win out over ignorance? And whatever HAPPENED to common sense anyway?

Sharing some of my co-authors with you...

So you can acquaint yourself with some of the bloggers that I am honored to be working with, we're highlighting some of our funniest work with our readers. Today I'm spotlighting three more awesome ladies.

First up, Toulouse and Tonic, who bring her hubby to the yard in Top 10 Ways to Get Your Husband to Leave Work on Time

Next up is HouseTalkN who shares the story of how her husband was kind enough to give her some alone time in the hot tub but forgot to give her something to wear INTO the hot tub in Naked at the YMCA.

And finally, for today's third feature one of my very favorite bloggers of all time, Frugalista, shares with us one of her hilarious VLOGS, or video blogs, a Tutorial on Spanx. I love that she's self-deprecating and isn't afraid to laugh at herself.

Go check out these truly funny ladies and what they have to say. And have a Happy Sunday!!!

Some BIG news...

So now that the stress and anxiety of the contest is past us, I want to share with you some very very exciting news!!!  <--------Three exclamation points, this MUST be big! Why yes, yes it is. Within the next 2 months or so, I will be a PUBLISHED AUTHOR!! And as if that wasn't exciting enough, I'm going to be in an anthology along with about 30 or so other bloggers, and these aren't just any old run of the mill bloggers. These are chicks that I LOVE!! Bloggers that I've been addicted to for months and I can't begin to tell you how freaking psyched I am to be included among them!

This book will be available on Amazon.com (another reason you see the Amazon.com link on my page) as well as for download on the Kindle and Nook. I'm so stoked to know that my name will be on the back cover along with the names of so many other bloggers that I love, I'm fan-girling out over here!

So as we prepare to go forward with publishing the book, we've decided (the girls and I, you know, my co-collaborators!) to give you all a taste of who will be in the book to get you familiar with some blogs you may not yet be familiar with. To that end, I'd love it if you could go and read some of these absolutely hysterical blogs:

First up, a post from Life on Peanut Layne, the blog where I was lucky enough to share a guest post. Here, we read about the perfect date after you have a gaggle of kids.
What a Date Night Looks Like When You Have Five Kids

Next, if you'd all remain silence for just a minute, take a look at Kelley's Break Room where she describes her experience with: The Very Frisky Masseuse

Lastly (for today) check out RachRiot's trip to Vermont where we discover the cheese trail, learn about falcons and find out about her wife, Portia: Vermont is for Lesbians

As we draw closer to our publication date, we'll all be sharing more from one another so that you will all be just foaming at the mouth to buy this awesome collection of essays from some kick-ass chicks. Please start saving your pennies now and get ready to laugh your ass off.

I am humbled

You did it. You voted and voted (and voted and didn't throw rotten fruit at me every time I asked you to vote yet again). You voted faithfully, every day when you were eligible and you told your friends and they voted for me, and because of your support, I've made it to the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms.

I am honestly humbled at the outpouring of support you guys gave and I don't have the words to express just how much it means to me that you did this for me. I'm a wiseass, snotty, sarcastic, sometimes bitchy, always snarky bitch and I am blown away.

THANK YOU!!!

I'm making a guest appearance!

So the lovely Peanut Layne has not been feeling well, and Karen from Baking in a Tornado asked for volunteers to do a guest post over on Peanut Layne's site. I was more than happy to help out, so without further ado, here is my guest spot. Enjoy!

And don't forget, today is the LAST and FINAL day to vote for Snarkfest for the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms. Thanks for all the support you guys have given to me over the past month. Cookies are in the oven now!!

Tomorrow is it!!!

Tomorrow is the last day to vote for Snarkfest to stay in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms. When I first entered this contest I truly had NO thoughts that I'd ever end up in the top 25, I honestly entered it for shits and giggles. But now I find myself sitting precariously at #25 and the race for #22 through #26 is only separated by a few votes. I promise if you vote for Snarkfest, I will NOT enter anymore contests until springtime has arrived. If you share the link and get your friends and family to vote for me I will come to your house, load your dishwasher and match up all your unmatched socks


Please click this pink circle, vote for Snarkfest and pass it along.

Thanks so much!!