|A New Zealand coroner recommended warning labels be placed on soft drinks after the court linked Coca-Cola to the death of 31-year-old Natasha Harris.|
Stoves: warning, fire is hot, don't put your hand on the flame that you're using to cook your dinner. It will burn. It will hurt.
Ovens: warning, gas comes out of this device and if you stick your head inside, it might either cook you or poison you. Either way, it'll hurt.
Cars: warning, cars are big and heavy so if you see one coming, do NOT, under any circumstances, jump in front of it. It will hurt.
Doors: warning, if you shut this device with your finger in it, it will hurt. Don't be a dumbass.
Coffee makers: warning, pour the contents of the pot into a mug and then add some cream or milk. Drinking it right out of the pot will burn your mouth, because guess what, asshat: COFFEE'S HOT and it will hurt.
Zoos: warning, don't jump into the lion's/tiger's/bears cage because guess what? They are carnivores. If you don't know what it means, leave the zoo and go buy a dictionary. Otherwise, they will eat you for dinner with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Matches: warning, if you light this match and put it near your hair, you will burn your hair off. Wig companies will love you and your business, burn units will think you're an asshole. Either way, it will hurt.
Interstates: warning, there are lots of big, heavy cars and trucks on this thing, and therefore please do not decide to have a game of touch football with your drunken buddies because as stated up there in #3, cars are heavy, trucks are heavier. You WILL become roadkill and it WILL hurt.
Electrical outlets: warning, do not wet your finger and stick it in these little holes. You will end up getting fried and yes, that will hurt.
Baggies full of pot: warning, if you smoke this shit, you may get the overwhelming urge to eat countless bags of Doritos, dozens of Snickers bars and maybe 2 gallons of Coke. You'll get fat, and trying to squeeze into your size 16's will hurt.
Are you seeing a pattern here? Where do we draw the line at warning labels? When does it become industry's job to teach you not to be an idiot? Do we have McDonald's put a label on every Happy Meal stating: "Warning, over-consumption may lead you to be a lazy fat ass so ask your mommy to take you out for a nice salad instead"?? Will Tastycakes boxes come with a label that says "Warning, if you eat this entire box in one sitting, your size 16's will no longer fit you"? The same could be said for Girl Scout cookies? Am I going to sue the little Girl Scouts for feeding my Thin Mint habit? Cuz those bitches are like crack to me. (Thin Mints, not Girl Scouts, you perverts).
When does it all end? When does common sense win out over ignorance? And whatever HAPPENED to common sense anyway?