So check out the little video that my friend and fellow sister in snark, Teresa, made for me for my attempt at being one of the finalists in the Blogger Idol competition!! ALL the cool kids are into Snarkfest. It is witty, entertaining and totally snarky!! Love this.
Thanks T!!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
A Beautiful Mudder!
The lovely and talented Jules over at My Mom's A Whackjob has bestowed upon me the Laine Blogger Award for Beauty. Here are the rules for this award:
1. Answer the 5 questions below (same ones that I've answered)
2. Pass the award on to 5 other beautiful bloggers
1. What is your current beauty obsession?
LOL I'm fairly (read: TOTALLY) low maintenance. I rarely leave the house WITH makeup on.
Shit I'm lucky I leave the house with my shoes on. So I can't truly call anything an obsession.
I will say that when I do my makeup, I'm digging Mary Kay's Beach Blond Cream Eye Shadow. It goes on smooth and compliments any other shade of eye shadow that I wear (which, again, doesn't happen very often). I'd say that Beauti Control's Brown Sugar body lotion is another 'obsession'. Makes me smell like cake. I love cake.
LOL I'm fairly (read: TOTALLY) low maintenance. I rarely leave the house WITH makeup on.
Shit I'm lucky I leave the house with my shoes on. So I can't truly call anything an obsession.
I will say that when I do my makeup, I'm digging Mary Kay's Beach Blond Cream Eye Shadow. It goes on smooth and compliments any other shade of eye shadow that I wear (which, again, doesn't happen very often). I'd say that Beauti Control's Brown Sugar body lotion is another 'obsession'. Makes me smell like cake. I love cake.
2. What is the one beauty item you wish you owned?
Nicer hair so that when I DO actually spend time on it, it looks decent. And when I don't spend
any time on it, it doesn't look like ass. OR, I wish I actually had my own hair stylist, one who
could come out of thin air when I get out of the shower, do my hair, then go back to wherever
they came from, and then come back the next morning, etc. Because I've had this hair for 45 years and for 45 of those years, I have had absolutely NO idea how to make it look nice.
Nicer hair so that when I DO actually spend time on it, it looks decent. And when I don't spend
any time on it, it doesn't look like ass. OR, I wish I actually had my own hair stylist, one who
could come out of thin air when I get out of the shower, do my hair, then go back to wherever
they came from, and then come back the next morning, etc. Because I've had this hair for 45 years and for 45 of those years, I have had absolutely NO idea how to make it look nice.
3. What is your favorite topic to read about?
I love scary stuff, dark stuff, mysterious stuff and funny stuff. Give me a good (OLD) Stephen King book, early Patricia Cornwell, Gillian Flynn (Just finished reading Gone Girl and LOVED it) and some Janet Evanovich, any and all Janet Evanovich, and I'm the happiest of campers. I've also found some amazing blogs out there, written by women going through exactly the same issues that I am. I had NO idea there were so many of us in this crazy sisterhood of bloggers. It's just really nice to know I'm not alone.
4. What inspired you to become a blogger?
I love scary stuff, dark stuff, mysterious stuff and funny stuff. Give me a good (OLD) Stephen King book, early Patricia Cornwell, Gillian Flynn (Just finished reading Gone Girl and LOVED it) and some Janet Evanovich, any and all Janet Evanovich, and I'm the happiest of campers. I've also found some amazing blogs out there, written by women going through exactly the same issues that I am. I had NO idea there were so many of us in this crazy sisterhood of bloggers. It's just really nice to know I'm not alone.
4. What inspired you to become a blogger?
My close friends have always told me how funny I am. I'm a fat girl, fat girls have to try harder, so I suppose with the fat comes the funny. Either way, I do love to see people laugh, so if I can make my close friends laugh, I'm sure there are others that I could make laugh without actually standing up in front of a crowd and having people throw rotten fruit at me if I'm NOT making them laugh. Plus I've got plenty of material to pull from because of my crazy amazing family. My girls' school bus adventures make for great FB fodder every morning. I'm toying with the idea of putting their daily 'Did they make it? Did they miss it?' on the blog and see if anyone I DON'T know really cares. If you DO care, see my FB page. I put a song up every day based on whether or not they make the bus. I'm fairly certain that somewhere in Vegas, in some rinky dink little off the strip casino, there are oddsmakers shaking down gamblers over whether or not 15 and 12 make their bus each day.
5. What nail polish are you wearing now?
Since I just ran a Tough Mudder last weekend, I cut all my nails and took off all my nail polish. Can't be pretty when you're running a 10 mile run through mud with deathly obstacles. So I don't always wear nail polish, but when I do, my current fave is Opi's Plugged In Plum.
Since I just ran a Tough Mudder last weekend, I cut all my nails and took off all my nail polish. Can't be pretty when you're running a 10 mile run through mud with deathly obstacles. So I don't always wear nail polish, but when I do, my current fave is Opi's Plugged In Plum.
And now it's my pleasure to pass this along to five beautiful bloggers. Please visit them when you have time:
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
I Am a Tough Mudder
Fear me.
This past Saturday, I traveled across the border to Frederick, Maryland with some of my Tough Mudder teammates to participate in what can only be explained as hell on a farm. For those of you who aren't insane, let me explain. Tough Mudder is a 10-12 mile race with obstacles that only Satan himself could think up. Our run was 10 miles with 20 obstacles all along the route. Our first obstacle was actually getting TO the starting line. Traffic was horrific. What would normally take 45 minutes actually took us almost 3.5 hours. Lucky for us we all are a good-natured group of freaks and happily passed the time joking, laughing, taking pictures of Captain America as we waited in traffic (he was in the car with Wonder Woman and the Flash but they got back inside the car, they feared the paparazzi). Once we finally arrived, a full 2 hours later than our scheduled start time, we all made our way to the portapotties. Second obstacle of the day for me: drip dry. No TP in the potty. Life is rough. I was unaware of just how rough it would get.
Our team, Team Fossil, has been training with another team, the Mud Dogs, for this event since the spring.
We were ready. We came prepared. My fake husband Joseph is a veteran of the Tough Mudder, having done this one time before, so he knew exactly what we'd need. Long sleeve shirt. That was the first thing he suggested. Note in the picture above how many of us listened to him. Jason, the Fossil on the far left, is the only other one of us who chose to listen to Joseph (behind me, his hand on my shoulder) and wore long sleeves. The rest of us ended up with bloody, bruised elbows.
Joseph also brought us trashbags, small plastic bags for our dirty clothes, he thought of everything. Well, except elbow and knee pads. Those would've helped. Anyway, I digress. Let's get to the starting line. Since traffic was so bad, crowds of people all started their race later than expected. Groups were supposed to go every 20 minutes in waves, since there were all those obstacles, thus avoiding 20,000 all trying to get into the dumpster full of ice cubes at the same time. So we went in the 12:40 wave. Count down after we all sang the National Anthem, and we're off!
We ran to the Arctic Enema. Yes, you read that right. Picture a gigantic construction dumpster, filled with freezing cold ice water, and ice cubes, to prevent the ice water from getting tepid. God forbid every man's testicles should stay outside their bodies. When I got out of there, my vajay-jay was tingly and not in the good way.
Among the other obstacles, there was the Dirty Ballerina, which was my first of many faceplants of the day. Imagine trying to leap across a 4 foot gap, getting a running start on 3 feet of sloppy mud. After my second try, a banged up knee, a banged up jaw and 7 lbs of mud in my mouth I knew this was going to be sooo much fun. I hoped the next obstacle was going through labor again!
Because this is a team event, and because I had a phenomenal team doing this with me, we got each other through this fresh hell together. Okay, they mostly got ME through it, but I did say 'good job' and 'thanks for saving my life' a whole bunch of times.
Other obstacles such as the Boa Constrictor, Electric Eel, Funky Monkey, Berlin Wall and Kiss of Mud all made for some dirty, hard, wet and dirty fun. If your idea of fun is crawling through tiny tubes, climbing over 15 foot walls, sliding on your belly under electric wires and barbed wire. Good, unclean fun. And another obstacle that we didn't count on was the thunderstorm, which caused them to close the water obstacles until the lightning passed. This thunder storm wasn't bad to run through, but it made running through the mud next to impossible. The mud was quickly becoming close to the consistency of chocolate custard, only dirtier. It was slippery, to the point of being dangerous, so when you knew it was too dangerous to run, you walked. And you walked like a drunken sailor. Wheeeeeeeee! The fun's just getting started!!
Towards the end of the run, when I weighed an extra 20 lbs due to all the mud in my pants, my bra, my hair and especially in my shoes, we came upon this obstacle: Twinkle Toes. We had to walk across a 4" wide beam, a shaky beam, with wet, muddy, slippery feet. If you fall, you go into the water. Guess what. I found my inner zen and made it all the way across! You have NO idea what an amazing feeling it was for me to take on that obstacle and get across without, once again, falling into the drink. Yay me!! Until I went to the Funky Monkey and just said screw it and jumped into the water with my teammate Keith. We both just looked at one another and jumped in. We did make it look good by at least grabbing one of the wet, slippery, muddy rungs of the monkey bars before leaping into the drink.
This is my team. These are the people I ran through hell with, and that got me through. Was the Tough Mudder a smart idea? Judging from the bruises on my arms and legs, maybe not. Was it for a good cause? Yes, the proceeds went to the Wounded Warrior Project. Their motto: No man left behind. That was the motto of all the teams who ran. You helped whoever was near you to get through each obstacle. You held hands with strangers and pushed them up and over a wall, or helped them get down from a great height. Or you helped them out of a pool of mud or out of a tube or a dumpster full of ice water. It was team work. And it was awesome. And I'll be back next year with my team. And it'll be a blast.
Thanks Team Fossil, for rocking so hard. And thanks, Mud Dogs for letting the Fossils share from your bowl.
This past Saturday, I traveled across the border to Frederick, Maryland with some of my Tough Mudder teammates to participate in what can only be explained as hell on a farm. For those of you who aren't insane, let me explain. Tough Mudder is a 10-12 mile race with obstacles that only Satan himself could think up. Our run was 10 miles with 20 obstacles all along the route. Our first obstacle was actually getting TO the starting line. Traffic was horrific. What would normally take 45 minutes actually took us almost 3.5 hours. Lucky for us we all are a good-natured group of freaks and happily passed the time joking, laughing, taking pictures of Captain America as we waited in traffic (he was in the car with Wonder Woman and the Flash but they got back inside the car, they feared the paparazzi). Once we finally arrived, a full 2 hours later than our scheduled start time, we all made our way to the portapotties. Second obstacle of the day for me: drip dry. No TP in the potty. Life is rough. I was unaware of just how rough it would get.
Our team, Team Fossil, has been training with another team, the Mud Dogs, for this event since the spring.
 |
| Team Fossil, before all hell broke loose |
We ran to the Arctic Enema. Yes, you read that right. Picture a gigantic construction dumpster, filled with freezing cold ice water, and ice cubes, to prevent the ice water from getting tepid. God forbid every man's testicles should stay outside their bodies. When I got out of there, my vajay-jay was tingly and not in the good way.
Among the other obstacles, there was the Dirty Ballerina, which was my first of many faceplants of the day. Imagine trying to leap across a 4 foot gap, getting a running start on 3 feet of sloppy mud. After my second try, a banged up knee, a banged up jaw and 7 lbs of mud in my mouth I knew this was going to be sooo much fun. I hoped the next obstacle was going through labor again!
Because this is a team event, and because I had a phenomenal team doing this with me, we got each other through this fresh hell together. Okay, they mostly got ME through it, but I did say 'good job' and 'thanks for saving my life' a whole bunch of times.
Other obstacles such as the Boa Constrictor, Electric Eel, Funky Monkey, Berlin Wall and Kiss of Mud all made for some dirty, hard, wet and dirty fun. If your idea of fun is crawling through tiny tubes, climbing over 15 foot walls, sliding on your belly under electric wires and barbed wire. Good, unclean fun. And another obstacle that we didn't count on was the thunderstorm, which caused them to close the water obstacles until the lightning passed. This thunder storm wasn't bad to run through, but it made running through the mud next to impossible. The mud was quickly becoming close to the consistency of chocolate custard, only dirtier. It was slippery, to the point of being dangerous, so when you knew it was too dangerous to run, you walked. And you walked like a drunken sailor. Wheeeeeeeee! The fun's just getting started!!
Towards the end of the run, when I weighed an extra 20 lbs due to all the mud in my pants, my bra, my hair and especially in my shoes, we came upon this obstacle: Twinkle Toes. We had to walk across a 4" wide beam, a shaky beam, with wet, muddy, slippery feet. If you fall, you go into the water. Guess what. I found my inner zen and made it all the way across! You have NO idea what an amazing feeling it was for me to take on that obstacle and get across without, once again, falling into the drink. Yay me!! Until I went to the Funky Monkey and just said screw it and jumped into the water with my teammate Keith. We both just looked at one another and jumped in. We did make it look good by at least grabbing one of the wet, slippery, muddy rungs of the monkey bars before leaping into the drink.
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| Team Fossil, after the apocalypse. |
Thanks Team Fossil, for rocking so hard. And thanks, Mud Dogs for letting the Fossils share from your bowl.
Please Promote Snarkfest to FB and Twitter!
Shamelessly asking for any and all of my friends and followers to please go to https://www.facebook.com/
If you Tweet, you can also go to Twitter and Tweet @BloggerIdol and tell them that Snarkfest would be more than happy to take that Ghirardelli basket off their hands. I'm not asking to go all the way, just first runner up.
If you folks enjoy reading Snarkfest, and I win first runner up, I would be HAPPY to share my basket with you!
If you Tweet, you can also go to Twitter and Tweet @BloggerIdol and tell them that Snarkfest would be more than happy to take that Ghirardelli basket off their hands. I'm not asking to go all the way, just first runner up.
If you folks enjoy reading Snarkfest, and I win first runner up, I would be HAPPY to share my basket with you!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
I could be the next Blogger Idol!
I'm not much on reality shows, especially competitions like Big Brother, So You Think You Can Dance, Thinking about Dancing with an Idol, Dancing with a Brother, or American Idol. Give me a good Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe or Deadliest Catch and I'm the happiest of campers. So why, then, am I actually participating in a competition like Blogger Idol? Well, I'll tell you. It's not televised, no one is judging me, no one is calling me Dawg, Ryan Seacrest is NOWHERE to be found, and it's free publicity for my blog. And you know my mantra, if it's free, it's for me. So go checkout the voting at Blogger Idol and who knows? Maybe I'll get a few more readers out of the deal. Maybe I'll get a prize. But I blog anyway, right? I may as well try to get a little something out of my blog besides carpal tunnel syndrome. The prizes are very cool ranging from a Samsung Galaxy Tab to Boogie Wipes.
Don't spill my secret but I'm actually hoping for first runner up. Come on, you know me, I'm addicted to chocolate and the prize for first runner up is a Ghirardelli Chocolate gift basket. You should be applauding me for not having an over-inflated ego. Do I think I'm an awesome enough blogger to win the Tablet? Nah. But I just might be mediocre enough to win the Chocolate. And that's good enough for me.
So, auditions are open now and will close on September 17th. The top 12 finalists will be chosen on September 20th. If I'm in the top 12 (remember, it's ALL about the chocolate and I DO share) I will be tasked with an assignment, and all assignments will be voted upon starting on September 26. Please stay tuned for more details, and don't forget to visit my Facebook page and my Twitter page.
When the voting begins, there's chocolate for everyone. Because that's how I roll. Now spread the word please.
Oh baby I'm so tired.
That was a very funny line from an Oprah show about 800 years ago. I can't find the video, I'm sure it's out there, but I'm too tired to go looking. I did try, really I did. But I gave up after about 3 clicks. I had a headache last night after work, and then went to back to school night with 12. Fun seeing all the moms of her friends but still had the headache when I got home. I farted around on FB, watched Hardcore Pawn with the family and then wrestled 15 off the computer and made everyone go to bed. I read for a bit (Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, AWESOME book but had to force myself to put it down), set my alarm for 6:55 and off to sleep I went.
This morning, when that alarm went off at 6:55 I stared at it in complete disbelief. 15's bus comes at 7:00. 12's bus comes at 7:04. Anyone care to tell me WTF I was thinking setting my alarm for 6:55?? I was tired yesterday after 15 caught her bus and I had to drive 12 to school, so I came home and went back to sleep (hence me resetting the alarm). Yep, I'm tired. I'm not sure why I'm so damned tired. I do know that I have an appointment on Friday with my doctor to discuss my elevated thyroid levels, so maybe that's part of it. Maybe it's running (which is supposed to energize me, not make me a zombie), maybe it's cleaning the house for inlaws over last weekend, maybe it's all the kids' activities, while working full time. Maybe it's trying to keep everyone happy and stretching myself too thin. But whatever the hell it is, I'm sitting here at my desk with heavy lidded eyes just counting the hours until I can go back to bed.
Not going to happen too early tonight. I've got back to school night with 15 tonight, then Spirit Night at Chick Fil-A to raise money for 15's High School Marching Band. Probably not going to happen tomorrow night. Our Team Fossil meeting is tomorrow night, followed by the last workout before the Tough Mudder on Saturday. Definitely not going to happen on Friday night. First home football game of the season for 15, so she'll be playing in the marching band and I'll be working in the concession stand. Saturday is the Tough Mudder where I will run 10 miles and leap hay bales, crawl into muddy tunnels, attempt to carry my body weight while doing monkey bars, climbing, crawling, getting electrocuted, swimming, carrying a log up a hill, good times, people, good times!
I swear to God, I am sleeping all day Sunday. As God as my witness, I'm sleeping ALL. DAMN. DAY. So that I can start all over again next Monday. Except that's when Volleyball games start for 12. Ugh, is it Christmas break yet?
This morning, when that alarm went off at 6:55 I stared at it in complete disbelief. 15's bus comes at 7:00. 12's bus comes at 7:04. Anyone care to tell me WTF I was thinking setting my alarm for 6:55?? I was tired yesterday after 15 caught her bus and I had to drive 12 to school, so I came home and went back to sleep (hence me resetting the alarm). Yep, I'm tired. I'm not sure why I'm so damned tired. I do know that I have an appointment on Friday with my doctor to discuss my elevated thyroid levels, so maybe that's part of it. Maybe it's running (which is supposed to energize me, not make me a zombie), maybe it's cleaning the house for inlaws over last weekend, maybe it's all the kids' activities, while working full time. Maybe it's trying to keep everyone happy and stretching myself too thin. But whatever the hell it is, I'm sitting here at my desk with heavy lidded eyes just counting the hours until I can go back to bed.
Not going to happen too early tonight. I've got back to school night with 15 tonight, then Spirit Night at Chick Fil-A to raise money for 15's High School Marching Band. Probably not going to happen tomorrow night. Our Team Fossil meeting is tomorrow night, followed by the last workout before the Tough Mudder on Saturday. Definitely not going to happen on Friday night. First home football game of the season for 15, so she'll be playing in the marching band and I'll be working in the concession stand. Saturday is the Tough Mudder where I will run 10 miles and leap hay bales, crawl into muddy tunnels, attempt to carry my body weight while doing monkey bars, climbing, crawling, getting electrocuted, swimming, carrying a log up a hill, good times, people, good times!
I swear to God, I am sleeping all day Sunday. As God as my witness, I'm sleeping ALL. DAMN. DAY. So that I can start all over again next Monday. Except that's when Volleyball games start for 12. Ugh, is it Christmas break yet?
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Happy Birthday, 15!!
I'd like to take a moment to wish my oldest a very happy 15th birthday. For the next 6 weeks I will refer to my children as 15 and 12. It's crazy, there's NO way I can be old enough to have a 15 year old child.
As we were losing Princess Diana in a Paris tunnel 15 years ago, I was 'hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo'ing' in labor ON Labor Day with 15. I was in labor from about 4:00 a.m. on September 1, watching the coverage of Diana's death and thinking, 'wow, such a sad day, who didn't love the Princess?' And just 19 little hours later, 15 was finally delivered, via C-section. One princess lost, and another princess brought into the world.
15's been a learning experience for me. I love her with all my heart and my soul. When she was small, she wasn't the nicest little girl to her family. She was wonderful to anyone to whom she was not related. But to her mom, her dad and her sister, she was trying. Trying to dance on my nerves. Trying to be smarter than everyone. Trying to see just how far she could push my buttons. But as she began growing up a bit, I started noticing a change in her personality. She's much nicer to all of us, she's learned that she actually CAN be nice to us and we're all much happier about that. I find myself yelling a lot less, which is an all around win.
She's growing into an amazing young woman, finding out who she is, learning what she loves and what she doesn't, and I'm so blessed to be along for the ride. So to my beautiful, amazing 15, I wish you a very Happy Birthday and many many happy returns. <3
As we were losing Princess Diana in a Paris tunnel 15 years ago, I was 'hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo'ing' in labor ON Labor Day with 15. I was in labor from about 4:00 a.m. on September 1, watching the coverage of Diana's death and thinking, 'wow, such a sad day, who didn't love the Princess?' And just 19 little hours later, 15 was finally delivered, via C-section. One princess lost, and another princess brought into the world.
15's been a learning experience for me. I love her with all my heart and my soul. When she was small, she wasn't the nicest little girl to her family. She was wonderful to anyone to whom she was not related. But to her mom, her dad and her sister, she was trying. Trying to dance on my nerves. Trying to be smarter than everyone. Trying to see just how far she could push my buttons. But as she began growing up a bit, I started noticing a change in her personality. She's much nicer to all of us, she's learned that she actually CAN be nice to us and we're all much happier about that. I find myself yelling a lot less, which is an all around win.
She's growing into an amazing young woman, finding out who she is, learning what she loves and what she doesn't, and I'm so blessed to be along for the ride. So to my beautiful, amazing 15, I wish you a very Happy Birthday and many many happy returns. <3
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| The beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, talented, friendly and amazing 15. |
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