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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Friday, September 26, 2014

What's with all the daddy-bashing??

I had dinner the other night with some of the most amazing and funny bloggers on the planet right now, and one of the topics we discussed between our nachos and hummus and salmon was dad-bashing. We talked about Emma Watson's brilliant UN speech and Mike Cruise of Papa Does Preach mentioned an article from Aaron Gouveia from The Daddy Files about this topic. If you haven't seen either post, go now. I'll wait here. Just remember to come back.

We good? Good. Because I've got something add to this topic.



Stop it. It's old. It's way old, and it's not funny anymore. It's stupid.

I'm speaking only from my personal experience here, I don't know your situation, and frankly, I don't care to. I just know that my husband and many husbands like him are more than qualified to care for their own children. And the notion that dads are 'babysitting' their own children or 'playing mommy' while mom is not around, it's old school. Dads are mocked, questioned or lampooned daily if they show up at the playground or the doctor's office with their child/children. "Oh, mom must be shopping, you have mom duty, huh?" Stop with the stupid remarks!

It's amazing to me that my husband and I even HAVE a second child  because after 17 was born, we both worked, and we worked OPPOSITE shifts so that we didn't have to rely on someone else to raise our kids. That was our personal choice, and don't start writing the hate comments. Childcare is expensive, yo! And why would we both work and have someone else care for the kid when we could be banking that money for their education (or our own personal retirement, whatever)??

I worked until 5:00, he drove the kids in, met me at work, I took the kids home and he went into work at 5:30. We had overlapping days off so we did get to spend time together. And he was home with the kids all day. I never once felt like he was incapable of being a good dad. Yes, they went to the park. Yes, he'd take them on errands. Yes, he'd take them to doctor and dentist appointments and guess what! They LIVED!


I hate to see dads being mocked for doing what they do, being dads. It's ridiculous, and it's a stigma.  It worked for Danny Tanner, Uncle Joey and Uncle Jesse on Full House, it worked for Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan on My Two Dads, and it worked at Casa Snarkfest. It works in real life. So stop the bashing of dads who are just being dads. No special occasion, just being a dad. Is that so wrong?



11 comments:

  1. There are certain things my husband is MORE qualified to do than I am as a parent. Because I have serious anxiety issues and can't watch my kids do anything that I think is even remotely dangerous. If it weren't for him, they'd be wrapped in bubble wrap sitting on the couch. There are some things that my control freak personality really wants to be the one to do--doctor's appointments and that kind of thing--but he's certainly done them.

    The thing about my control freak ways is that I think with the wrong kind of person (my husband being the right kind of person, thankfully), it sends the message that "You are the second class parent, to step in only if I, the competent, primary parent, am unavailable." And you end up with implications like,"You can take her to dance class, but I'm sure you'll foul something up and she'll end up with the wrong color ribbon in her hair and then how will I face the other mothers next week?" Just as a manager has to let their employees get their jobs done their own way, so do we moms need to recognize that there's more then one right way to get something done, and as long as the result is the same, it doesn't matter what color ribbon Katie has in her hair during dance class. Did she learn second position? Fine, then it's all good.

    I don't mean to imply that mom is the boss and dad the subordinate--parenting should be a partnership, not a manager/employee relationship. But there is a certain amount of control we have to cede as mothers when we partner with our children's fathers. And speaking for myself, that's hard, but I work on it.

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    1. Qwerty, thanks so much for you response! And you are so spot on, it doesn't matter who does the parenting as long as it's being done and done properly. Good for you and for your husband!!

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  2. I agree that too many dads get a lack of respect for that role in their lives. I am the primary care giver to our girls in our household because I work from home, but when my hubby comes home I gladly turn the reins over to him. He handles all bedtime rituals - tuck ins, stories, etc. And on the weekends he does the toting to karate classes and such because I've been doing it all week. He has way more patience than I do so it gives our girls a wonderful balance. He's an amazing dad who never tries to be mom because he doesn't have to - he has his own job, being Dad!

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    1. Balance is a great thing, isn't it Mags? Thanks for the comment!

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  3. Thank you for writing this - and I'm almost done writing the blog post that is a sister post to this. Based on Emma's speech too! See...soul sisters.....

    Dr. Evil is amazing as a dad. It's never occurred to me that I need to organize activities, foods, plans or playdates before I leave for the weekend. I do leave a list of the stuff I keep in my head because he wouldn't know what's in my head even if I were home! He runs the house as well as I do!! Partnership baby! And I love when dads are dads. It's awesome. I do find it funny when people consider being an awesome dad is something special because it's a given here....of course Dr. Evil is an awesome dad. He brushes hair, does bedtime, runs to all the events and coaches like a mad man. He's awesome I'm an awesome mom. And we have awesome kids. Just ask us, we'll tell you.

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    1. LOL I know they're awesome, just like their mom and their dad!!

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  4. Snarky! Love this! We have a post about AWESOME DADS coming out on Huffpo! Great minds think alike!! Sharing all over the place---per usual!

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    1. Thanks chickas!! Can't wait to read your post!!!

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  5. My stepson is a stay at home Dad while his wife works and has been for a few years, and our granddaughter is thriving! I agree with you.

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  6. I think it's just all in fun most of the time. My dad is a good dad and even he laughs at the jokes because now and then some of it is true!

    We all know in truth that Mom runs the household.

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  7. My husband would so appreciate this, Teri! We have had this same conversation at home many times. Also, you and your husband are pretty amazing parents!

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