Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Dropping my pants...


You know the old saying what goes around comes around? Well guess what. It came around. And it bit me. For years I've mocked my neighbor, poking fun at her for her hot flashes, her house so cold you could hang meat in there. And then I started getting hot flashes. And for years I mocked those "Depends" commercials. Bladder control issues. BAH. Ridiculous. Who pees themselves?

Then I received an email asking if I'd be interested in a paid, sponsored campaign for Depend (no S, can you believe it? All this time I've been mocking it and I'M the one who's the dumbass for spelling it wrong.) AGAIN I mocked. Like I need to worry about bladder control. The lead in was something like "Did you know that an assload of Americans suffer from bladder control issues, and did you know that a buttload are under age 35?" I thought, wow, sucks to be them, and moved on to the next email. I'm nothing if not overly confidant in my snark, right.

So last week I was sick with a vicious cough. I mean sick to the point where I took off work and lay in bed and coughed from Friday to Monday. And while standing in the kitchen Sunday evening, I coughed so hard I peed a little. Nah, I thought, not karma. Not me. After a quick cleanup and change, I went about my Sunday night business, coughing all the way.

Flash forward to Monday morning. I was sitting at my computer and again, took a coughing fit so hard, I peed a little again. I looked over at my husband and said: "I think I was a little too quick to judge. Maybe I'd better check that email again." To which he responded something about getting me some Geritol and a new battery for my hearing aid. Bastard.



And now I'm readily admitting (albeit begrudgingly) that I jumped to an all-too-common conclusion: That only old people need Depend. Well guess what (yeah, I'm making you do a lot of guessing). I'm only 47 and have peed myself twice within two days' time. So my apologies, Depend, and to make up for my mocking, I'm sharing with you, my favorite Snarklings, the #DropYourPants for #Underwareness Campaign. It's about dropping the stigma of bladder control probs. A stigma that just last week I helped contribute to. Sorry, my bad.

Upon further investigation, turns out Depend isn't actually a big, bulky adult diaper. Nope, turns out they've streamlined these suckers, with more Lycra so they fit closer to the body and don't hang off you like this:

Image courtesy: Morguefile.com

And, to make it more interesting, this #DropYourPants for #Underwareness Campaign they've got going is going to raise some cash for some cool charities. Check out their website to learn more about the charities that Depend will donate $1 to for every photo shared or tweet or Instagram tagged with #DropYourPants  or #Underwareness to these charities, up to $3 million clams over the next 3 years.

Don't believe me about the fit? Get your own sample by clicking here. That's what you get for not believing me. So you'll see me tweeting about #DropYourPants and #Underwareness so that Depend will donate a few dollars. If you want to, you can do the same. Or take a pic with your pants around your ankles. Not like anyone will know it's you. Tag the pic with #DropYourPants and #Underwareness and post it. The bladder you save just may be your own. Don't mock. I learned the hard way.


This post was sponsored by Depend, and yes I was paid just a little for writing it, but the comments and opinions are all my own. Like they'd want me to tell you how I mocked them before I peed myself?


38 comments:

  1. A wicked pissah! <--- a little Maine lingo there.

    Thank goodness you were coughing and not farting. Whew!

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    1. It was quite the wicked pissah, Toby! And I suppose you're right, it could always be worse!

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  2. Wore those for a few weeks after I had my third baby. Not because of, ahem, after birth stuff, but because when I sneezed, I pissed myself.

    I'm attractive.

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  3. Well I'm 48 and though it has not happened to me yet, well I'm not saying anything!! Glad to know that there is a product out there!! Thanks for the info!!

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    1. Thanks Kathy! (and yes, no matter where you go, it'll find you)

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  4. I think this is my most favorite post ever! And I could've used Depends on Sunday when I was scarred for life inside of the train bathroom. Seriously, I even posted that on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Too bad I didn't know about the hashtag then.

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  5. Right there with you!! Aging is a BEAST.

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  6. I am peeing myself laughing. And I am not ever joking when I say I am peeing myself doing anything like laughing or crying. Or coughing. Or jumping. Or running. The pissin' list goes on for like ever.

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    1. I fear that I'll wake up one day and just be a peeing machine.

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  7. I'm considerably older than you, and I have needed "pee pads" for about 5 years now. I haven't gone directly to Depend, but have gotten used to the "wetness control" panty liners of varying thickness according to need. And your fear that you'll "wake up one day and just be a peeing machine",,,well s**t happens. When I'm relaxed and sleeping, yes, I leak. The doctor said to try various things before going "to the plumber", so that's what I'm doing. And, those stupid hot flashes don't just go away magically, I'm 66 and having them again/still!

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    1. 66 Aye yi yi!!! Love that your doctor gave you options other than 'the plumber!' Thanks for reading!

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  8. I've had two kids, and have a minorly prolapsed bladder. Thankfully, so far, I only have problems with sudden violent movements, like prolonged coughing or severe vomiting. Nothing with laughing or other minor things like that (so far!). I'm sure that will come in time. Guess I will wear my Depend with pride.

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  9. Oy vey! I'm 52 and I already have enough problems, with the overweight, hair loss on my head and hair growth on my chin. I can't afford one more problem! I'm off to do my kegels. This will not happen to me. This will not happen to me. This will not happen to me ...

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    1. That's right Parri, let's make it our mantra!! I will not get more hot flashes. I will not get more hot flashes!!! If we say it enough, maybe it'll come true.

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  10. Omg, I thought about buying some yesterday, as I sneezed and pissed my pants AND again today while doing jumping jacks. I'm glad I read your post, I thought it meant I entered my golden years.

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    1. NO flipping way, Kim! Golden years aren't for another 2-3 years. Right?

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  11. I laughed so hard that I ALMOST peed myself. ALMOST. I will not become a DEPEND user just yet. :)

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  12. "Well, guess what? I'm 47 and have peed myself twice in two days' time." I laughed out loud at that line!

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  13. At age 70, I'm "poised" on a "pad" as I write this. Nice to know that Depend will be there for me! (P.S. I haven't had a hot flash in 10 years...so there is light at the end of the tunnel!

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    1. You've given me hope, Eva!! And no way you're 70!

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  14. My favorite? "Assload of Americans" in the company letter. Ans, I always thought it was DependS too!

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    1. You're in good company. Had to make a concentrated effort to drop the S

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  15. NazicwhackjobrunningcrackhoSeptember 10, 2014 at 10:53 PM

    I will not mock you...I will not mock you...I will not mock you because look what happens..hot flashes and pissy pants all in 1 week...I guess if you come into my meat locker your depends will turn into an ice block and welllllll that just is a whole new blog!!!
    ;)

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    1. I'm shuddering at the thought of wearing a frozen Depend. Makes me wanna get up and walk around the house, which makes me hot. Screw it, I'm coming over. Open up the wine, chicka.

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  16. Well, so far my plumbing is operating quite well. Hope it's a long way before I have to wear the poopie pants!

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    1. You, sir, do not realize how lucky you are. After popping out a few chilluns, the old bladder ain't what she used to be. Kudos on the functioning plumbing!

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  17. Ha-LOVE IT! HILARIOUS! Thank goodness for rebounds after babies and kegels or I would have peed myself!

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  18. I dropped mine too! stuff happens and I am getting a free sample, so thank you!

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