Seriously? Labels needed on soda?

Warning: rant ahead. Proceed with caution. I just came across this link posted on Freakbook by my friend Sue and I'm just flabbergasted. (that's such a great word, isn't it?) It's a story from the Huffington Post  which states that this woman, Natasha Harris, 31 years old and mother to 8 (that's right I said EIGHT children) died from drinking 2 gallons of Coca-Cola every day. Oh and in addition to her 'Coke' habit she also smoked up to 30 cigarettes a day according to this article, also from HuffPo.

Now, the coroner in her case said that the beverage company needs to put warning labels on their product telling of the dangers of over-consumption. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous and the coroner should be slapped in the head with a stapler. Common sense, people. Get some!! What's next?? Are we such a fucked up idiotic society that we need labels telling us what common sense should tell us? Do we need warning labels for such obvious things like:

Stoves: warning, fire is hot, don't put your hand on the flame that you're using to cook your dinner. It will burn. It will hurt.

Ovens: warning, gas comes out of this device and if you stick your head inside, it might either cook you or poison you. Either way, it'll hurt.

Cars: warning, cars are big and heavy so if you see one coming, do NOT, under any circumstances, jump in front of it. It will hurt.

Doors: warning, if you shut this device with your finger in it, it will hurt. Don't be a dumbass.

Coffee makers: warning, pour the contents of the pot into a mug and then add some cream or milk. Drinking it right out of the pot will burn your mouth, because guess what, asshat: COFFEE'S HOT and it will hurt.

Zoos: warning, don't jump into the lion's/tiger's/bears cage because guess what? They are carnivores. If you don't know what it means, leave the zoo and go buy a dictionary. Otherwise, they will eat you for dinner with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Matches: warning, if you light this match and put it near your hair, you will burn your hair off. Wig companies will love you and your business, burn units will think you're an asshole. Either way, it will hurt.

Interstates: warning, there are lots of big, heavy cars and trucks on this thing, and therefore please do not decide to have a game of touch football with your drunken buddies because as stated up there in #3, cars are heavy, trucks are heavier. You WILL become roadkill and it WILL hurt.

Electrical outlets: warning, do not wet your finger and stick it in these little holes. You will end up getting fried and yes, that will hurt.

Baggies full of pot: warning, if you smoke this shit, you may get the overwhelming urge to eat countless bags of Doritos, dozens of Snickers bars and maybe 2 gallons of Coke. You'll get fat, and trying to squeeze into your size 16's will hurt. 

Are you seeing a pattern here? Where do we draw the line at warning labels? When does it become industry's job to teach you not to be an idiot? Do we have McDonald's put a label on every Happy Meal stating: "Warning, over-consumption may lead you to be a lazy fat ass so ask your mommy to take you out for a nice salad instead"?? Will Tastycakes boxes come with a label that says "Warning, if you eat this entire box in one sitting, your size 16's will no longer fit you"? The same could be said for Girl Scout cookies? Am I going to sue the little Girl Scouts for feeding my Thin Mint habit? Cuz those bitches are like crack to me. (Thin Mints, not Girl Scouts, you perverts).

When does it all end? When does common sense win out over ignorance? And whatever HAPPENED to common sense anyway?

A-HA moments and cookie whores.

Last week while 14 was at Cross Country practice, I decided that since we are broke, I'd do my grocery shopping at the local Aldi, rather than at Food Kitty where we usually shop. Very few name brands there at Aldi, but their prices are freaking awesome. I ended up with 12 boxes of cereal, and each box was under $2.00. Sure I took my chances on off brands (Millville brand cereal anyone? Anyone?)  I bought two boxes of fake Lucky Charms. This was Monday at 7:00 p.m. By Tuesday morning, both boxes were gone. Apparently the fake Lucky Charms were a hit. It was also the first time that 14 had ever actually eaten the actual cereal WITH the marshmallows. EUREKA!! "Mom, if you actually eat the cereal WITH the marshmallows it's AWESOME!!" Normally 14 picks out the marshmallows and eats those first, THEN eats the cereal bits. It's amazing what can happen when you come out of your box.

Sadly, though, not all of those cheapy boxes of cereal were good. They have a fake Banana Nut Crunch cereal (Post makes the real version and it's great) and it tastes a lot like ass, only nastier. Not that I've actually eaten ass, but if I did, I'm guessing it would be a step up from this fake banana shit. It's all granola with dehydrated banana chips mixed in. Separately, they may taste somewhat decent, but put them together and charge $1.60 per box, and you've got a box of ass. Seriously. If I'd actually spent on this crap what Post normally charges for the real stuff, I'd shit out a puppy. And it would taste better than this cereal. Lesson learned.

A few weeks ago I was talking to my friend Lorrie about marketing my blog a bit better. I had talked with Jen, the head mistress over at People I Want To Punch In The Throat and she suggested doing the Blog Hop at You Know It Happens At Your House Too. Prior to that, I had basically whored myself out to all of my Facebook friends, begging them all to not only read my blog but to post the link on their pages too, thereby getting me more traffic to my site. I had not developed a Facebook page or a Twitter account for the blog but when Jen suggested I do that, I thought, 'GEEZ! Why didn't I think of that??' Another a-ha moment. Which brings me to the conversation with Lorrie I mentioned way back at the beginning of this paragraph. When she and I were discussing my whoring myself out to all my friends for my blog, she mentioned that all Girl Scout moms whore themselves out when it comes time to sell Girl Scout cookies. Wow, I had never thought of that but it's true! It's not the actual Girl Scouts that do most of the selling, it's their moms who become cookie whores. How many of us bring the order form to work and go around, desk to desk, unbuttoning the top three buttons, leaning casually forward so that just a hint of clevage is showing and ask in our most sultry voice, "hey, wanna buy some cookies?" Okay that might not actually work with our female co-workers but it sure does get the men to buy them by the case. Yes, we moms will go the extra mile to make sure little Suzie gets to go on that end of the year horseback riding trip.