Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 24 and 21. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Cranky and Snarky

I'm in a really grumpy mood. Like, REALLY cranky. Can't blame the monthly, that's over. The weather is overcast and cold, so that may be it. OR it could be the fact that when I was driving my girls to school today (shut up, that's a major part of it) I asked 17 if she had remembered to hand in the note I wrote excusing her for her absence this past Monday.

"No" she replied, "I couldn't find it in my bookbag. I think I left it on the counter at home."

That set me off. Not sure why, maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's pre-peri-pissy-menopause but I went off like a freaking Roman candle.

I was reminded of the time when my best friend's daughter Sally was home from school for several days with strep and forgot to hand in her excuse note. My bestie received a call from the truant officer saying that she could be taken to court. Then I was reminded that 17 is currently applying to colleges and I thought "Dear God she's never going to get into a good school if she's got an unexcused absence!!! She'll be living at home FOREVER!!! FOREVER!!! FOREVER!!!"

Ok, yes, maybe I'm being a little overly dramatic, but I don't care. Because there's a certain responsibility that she should have by now. And I said "How can I trust you to be responsible enough to drive a car with your sister to and from school if you can't be responsible for turning a note into the office??"

That's when 15 changed the radio station and I heard Iggy Azalea. "Who dat, who dat? Dat do dat, do dat?"

NO. Absolutely NOT.

I cannot STAND Iggy Azalea. I absolutely HATE listening to that shit. She sounds like she has absolutely NO grasp of the English language. So this was my reaction to 15's choice of songs:

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! NO MORE IGGY AZALEA! AND NO MORE NIKKI MINAJ EITHER! They both sound like ignorant assholes who can't speak English. I'm sick and tired of that shit on the radio, so if they come on, we're not listening to them anymore!!"

And there you have it. I'm officially old. I'm THAT mom. I may as well have added "You young whippersnappers!" to the end of that sentence.

Isn't this thing ugly? This is how I'm feeling today. Old and ugly.

I should've said "And another thing, you kids get off my lawn! And get me a new battery for my hearing aid! And bring me my Metamucil. And don't forget my Geritol!"

I should NOT be allowed around people today. People in general are just pissing me off. Starting with Iggy and Nikki and those pesky kids on my lawn. I should just take the rest of the day off, go home, put on my housecoat and my bedroom slippers and take a nap. Maybe I'll wake up feeling less cranky, refreshed and ready to be a human again.

Or maybe I'll wake up with an aching back in my Sansa-belt pants and my HABAND! blouse listening to Glen Miller on my K-Tell album playing on my record player.

I'm old, folks. Old and cranky. Say something to make me happy, cheer me up. Or get the hell off my lawn.


  1. It TOTALLY cracks me UP that you remember stuff like "Sansa-Belt" pants. I love you!

    1. Harriet Carter and Walter Drake were my favorite catalogs!!!

  2. I met a one legged woman outside a nightclub the other day...

    ...She was a Bouncer

    How do you make Anti-Freeze?

    Hide her nightie.

    Knock Knock

    who's there?

    I dunnapp.... You can finish that one off...

    Being grumpy is what ageing is designed for - There is no other perk - enjoy it :-)

    1. Thanks, old man!!! Much appreciated. Now get off my lawn!!!

  3. naztwhackjobcrunningrackhoOctober 22, 2014 at 8:37 PM

    I Have WINE and CHOCOLATE..


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