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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 24 and 21. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Monday, January 6, 2014

A bowl out of bacon? Can I get a what what?

Holy crap, Snarklings, you can make a BOWL out of BACON! Remember Sammy Davis Jr. singing "The Candy Man"? He sang "you can even eat the dishes." Well, he wasn't too far off.

Who can take some bacon
Fry it up in goo

Cover it with chocolate 
Doesn't that sound good to you

The baconman can
Oh the baconman can
The baconman can 'cause he
mixes it with love
and makes it all taste good

Or something like that. Sammy and his one good eye would've sung it better than I did.

I was drifting off to sleep the other night when I saw a commercial for "Perfect Bacon Bowls" and woke right up to see what I was missing! Dude, you can make a bowl out of bacon, put a salad in it and call it healthy! Not in the mood for salad in a bacon bowl? How about ice cream? Oh my God I'm trembling at the sound of it! Seriously, you can cook up some scrambled eggs and instead of dirtying up a perfectly clean plate, throw those bitches in a bacon bowl and you've got a delicious breakfast without the mess! (ok you do have the mess of the frying pan from the eggs and the mold you used to make your bacon bowl but whatever, shut up, it's bacon and eggs!)

As bloggers sometimes do, I had a bit of writers block and couldn't really come up with anything interesting (not like this is all that interesting but hey, it beats you reading about how many pine needles have fallen off my Christmas tree). So when a blogger finds a good idea, but it's, like, 3:00 in the morning and they don't want to run downstairs and start banging out a blogpost, they write their ideas down for later so's they don't forget. This is what I did.

I did not have a pen or paper in my room (ok I really do but they are all hiding under the dust bunnies) so I went to the dry erase board we have hanging in our hallway and wrote this down:  "theperfectbacon.com".

The next day I got to hear "Mom, what's that and why'd you write it on the board?"

Because I'm 46 and have the attention span of a gnat.

Well done bacon: the only way to fry

Animated bacon cracks me up.
Photo courtesy: www.jsayers.com

I won't really buy the Perfect Bacon Bowl maker thing because, well, I'm a fat ass and that wouldn't really do much to rectify that situation. It's just nice to know that if I ever got really tiny, and wanted to start eating my china patterns, bacon bowls would be an option. Not sure what you think, but Corelle REALLY isn't all that tasty.

I wasn't paid for this but if the folks at the Perfect Bacon Bowl wanted to pay me in, say, bacon, I wouldn't turn that down (and I wouldn't have to declare that as income on my taxes, would I?)


  1. Bacon: my best friend AND worst enemy! And I agree that limp, half-done bacon is nasty. I like mine crisp!

    Amazing what people come up with for ideas...and even more amazing that people will actually buy this stuff!

    1. Isn't it crazy the stuff they come up with? Just goes to show you, if you build it, they will buy it.

  2. Good Gawd, y'all!

    Lemme get my credit card ready because "Wait, there's more!"

  3. I saw that same commercial. I give my dad "As seen on TV" gag gifts for his birthday and such which he usually gives back to me. I'm debating on getting this for him in hopes I get it back just to try it out.

    1. Now THAT's the kind of gift that would keep on giving!

  4. And all this time I could've flipped my muffin pan upside down instead of spending more money and using up more cabinet space??!!! Dodged THAT bullet! Quick, get my credit card!!

    1. You could make a new food bowl for Benji every day!

  5. OMG. I just saw that commercial last night too! I thought it was a SNL parody at first because they're like "make some eggs out of the egg whites and serve it in this bacon bowl" for healthier eating.

    1. I remember that part now, Pippi!!! Thanks for reminding me, I was amazed at how 'healthy' it would be eating egg whites out of 6 pieces of fried up bacon shaped like a bowl.

  6. Hilarious! Great article! I wish I wasn't on both a financial and food fast or I'd be frying me up some bacon right now!

    1. Financial and food fasting sucks! Besides, turkey bacon is better than full-fat bacon, right? Nah, didn't think so.

  7. I'm watching tv now at almost 2am and just saw this commercial. I want this! Heck, bacon is meat candy!

  8. Bacon is manna from heaven. It's proof that God does indeed love us.


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