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Friday, May 30, 2014

Then I got stuck in a dress at Goodwill...

Totally not kidding.

Many of you know that I'm going to a blogging conference next Friday. It's BlogU 14 and unless you live under a rock or it's your first time here, you know what I'm talking about. I've been tweeting and Facebooking about it for months now, in an attempt to win back my registration costs. Aside from the chance to win some cash, I'm truly excited about going to this conference.

It'll be my first blogging conference and there are so many hilarious ladies (and one awesome dude) that will be there, it's like a veritable buffet of laughs and coolness.

But there is one dark side to this whole thing. On Wednesday, I almost died. Yes, it's true. Because of my love for this conference, I nearly lost my life. Let me explain.



I had asked my friend Tonya to keep an eye out for 'retro-gowns' (think: big, poofy, 80's), so when she texted me Wednesday afternoon telling me that she had found the perfect dress for me at Goodwill, I was all over it! She had them put the dress aside for me AND talked them down to just $20! I prayed this dress would fit, because I hate shopping for 'retro-gowns' (ok I've NEVER shopped for 'retro-gowns') and it would just be so much easier to have someone else find it for me.

After work, I headed to Goodwill, grabbed the dress and went into the dressing room. I took the montrosity off the hangar and lifted it over my head. I then struggled with the zipper until it was almost all the way up. SUCCESS! It (almost) FIT!! I was so glad that it fit that I took this pic while in the Goodwill dressing room:

Me, in all my pink poofy retro glory
It's floor-length, and so hot that I'm sure I will sweat my ass off, but it (almost) fit and I didn't have to go out looking for another dress, so I made the decision to buy it. Then I tried to get out of it. And that's when it happened. I came close to dying right then and there in the Goodwill dressing room. Seriously. I started sweating, my heart began to race and I had 9-1-1 on standby. When I was unzipping the dress, the gigantic, almost blanket-sized tag got caught in the zipper. See for yourself:

Giant tag caught in zipper, while the dress is on. I nearly died!
As you can see, I was in a bit of a pickle. I was wearing the dress, the zipper was on the opposite side of my body from my eyes and my hands so I was working blindly and pretty much having a heart attack. I said to myself: "Self, the first thing you're gonna do if you ever get out of this dress is CUT OFF THAT FUCKING TAG!" I convinced myself that it would be better to die alone in the dressing room than to die of embarrassment by having to ask someone at Goodwill to come into my dressing room and help get me out of this dress-of-death. So I went to my happy place (where there's wine and chocolate), slowed my breathing and concentrated on not dying. I took my arms out of the top of the dress and was able to turn the dress around just enough that I could see the tag in the zipper. I swear I could hear the tag laughing at me but that may have just been my imagination.

Eventually, I freed the tag from the zipper and cursed at it strongly before extricating myself from the dress without the use of the jaws of life. It was touch and go for awhile, and ultimately, I got myself a pretty cool dress for a really cheap price. 

I can't wait to wear it at BlogU 14 next weekend, and yes, as soon as I got it home, I made that tag my bitch. 

22 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Isn't it awful Toby? And I'll bet it happens to you more than you're willing to admit.

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  2. BLANKET SIZED TAG?!? HAHAHAHA!!!

    Girl, I have had that crap happen on just plain ol'regular clothes. I remember I slipped a skirt on and yes, it was snug but I figured once I zip it up, it'll fit better.

    Wrong.

    Then the damn zipper wouldn't go down. WOULD NOT GO DOWN.

    I struggled and came really close to tears. I mean, how do you get an already-too-snug skirt off if the zipper won't budge?

    I sucked in as hard as I could. I could see my kidney gouging out and just closed my eyes and pulled.

    It worked. THANK YOU, JESUS.

    Have a great time next week...can't wait to hear about the mayhem you cause!!! =)

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    1. Oh Carrie I feel your pain. I once got stuck in a shirt. Got it on, could NOT get it off, started sweating which naturally helped SO much. Sorry about your gouging kidney.

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  3. OMG I hate when I get in a dressing room panic... its like the room gets smaller and the heat goes up 100 degrees... pure panic!

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    1. Oh the room definitely got smaller, and I prayed!!

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  4. Dude. I had a similar experience but I had to get someone to help me. I the Goodwill dressing room the zipper's little tab broke off in my hand. (I guess that's one of the perils of "vintage" ... everything is old, even the zipper.) My extreme claustrophobia kicked in and I was ready to go all Incredible Hulk on that thing when I asked some lady to help me. I explained that the zipper's tab had broken off and I couldn't unzip myself because I couldn't reach it without the tab. Her reply: "Oh, wow. This will be hard to unzip because the zipper's tab thing broke off."

    It was everything I could do (probably because I was on the verge of full-on claustrophobic freak out) to not scream "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!" Fortunately another woman came over to help me, because that first chick just wanted to talk about it.

    *I didn't buy that dress. It was evil.

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    1. Jenn I'm cracking up over the lady who wanted to have a discussion about the tab. Sorry about the experience but that cracked me up.

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  5. OMG that dress is fantastic!! Gotta love thrift store dresses! I got one for my Halloween costume last year because my kids told me to be a princess --> http://crunchycraftyandhighlycaffeinated.wordpress.com/2013/11/11/the-thrift-store-princess/

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  6. Wow - that brings back traumatic memories of inappropriate zipper/tag togetherness and a creeping sense of panic and disbelief in the dressing room!

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  7. Snort. I have no words. Only you Teri.....

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  8. Snort. I have no words. Only you Teri.....

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  9. I'm howling, as I've gotten stuck not in a dress, but in a Spanx tank. You get to that panicky stage and wonder if you should just get the scissors and start cutting. I'm not a large person, but I am--ahem--amply endowed. And the Spanx was so compressive that it would not go back up over my--well, rack. By the time I finally got the damn tank off, I ended up punching myself in the eye doing it. Try to explain that at the water cooler:). I refrained.

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    Replies
    1. LOL would love to have heard the panic in your voice from outside the dressing room. I was literally talking to myself, so it was probably pretty damn entertaining for someone out there.

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  10. Which is worse...getting stuck in a too small shirt in a dressing room, or being in an MRI...? It's a draw for me...

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    1. I've been stuck in the too-small shirt but not the MRI. I'll take your word for that one.

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  11. Why do I always panic when this happens? It's not like I will be forever stuck in the offending item of clothing - but it seems like it :) Glad you're okay :).

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  12. The only thing better then a live interview would have been a retro prom date. Maybe next year ;)

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  13. You made that dress your bitch, too! That was such a fun and amazing weekend. Can't wait for BlogU14 1/2!

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