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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Things that pissed me off today...

Excuse me while I get a few things off my chest.

Photo courtesy morguefile.com

First, to the bitch who barreled out of the McDonalds parking lot this morning: you know who you are, you never slowed down, you never even THOUGHT about looking to see if there was anyone coming. There was. I had to slam on my brakes and my horn and you never even looked in your rear view mirror to see me screaming at you. I hope your Egg McMuffin wasn't cooked properly, and you get some awful stomach bug that makes you shit yourself when you sneeze.

To the boy at 14's school who is supposed to be her friend: remember when you threw her tampon all around the classroom thinking you were hilarious? Remember when her father and I confronted you about it? Remember how you claimed to be her friend and apologized to her and to us, knowing it was stupid and embarrassing to her, and remember how you promised that you'd look out for her in the future when anyone else picked on her? Well, douchenozzle, telling other boys not to mess with her because she'll run home and tell her daddy is NOT looking out for her. It's being an assbag. And if you ever come to my house again, I will point out to you EXACTLY how much of a fuckwit you are and in no uncertain terms, I will let you know that you are NEVER to show your face at my door again, I will NEVER offer you a ride anywhere when you are stranded and you will NEVER treat my daughter like you've been treating her lately. That's NOT how friends treat each other. I hope you eat some bad Chinese food and shit yourself in class when you sneeze.

To the fucktards at Morning Joe: I heard this morning that you made an off the cuff remark about the shooter at UCSB being "on the Aspergers scale, no big surprise" as if that's the reason he shot and killed all those innocent students. I hate your show, I hate what you said and I hope you get the same stomach ailment that the bitch from the McDonalds parking lot gets and that when you sneeze on your show tomorrow, you shit yourself on live TV.

Okay, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel much better now.

21 comments:

  1. Yeah, I shouldn't really sugar coat stuff, huh?

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  2. Thank you! The Asperger's comment has had me stewing all morning. I'm enjoying imagining the look on Joe Scarboro's face as he shits while he sneezes. Asshat.

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  3. Wow! I sure hope your day gets better!! (hugs)

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    1. Getting better as the day goes on, Eva, thanks!

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  4. Fierce Momma.... give 'er. I'd smack that little shit if someone disrespected my daughter like that too. I'd make a point of embarrassing him in front his friends at school.
    People are just so insensitive and living in their own little worlds.

    You need vodka.

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  5. Well said. I would not have been so nice to any of them. Sometimes I keep my mouth shut because I am afraid of what will come out. I have no tolerance for idiots and asshats.

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    1. Trust me Eileen, my 14 year old heard an earful with the tirade I went off on about the McDonalds assbag.

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  6. Lately I seriously just want to live in a bubble and zone out from the rest of the world. I'm trying to find all the good stuff, but seriously...could people be any more tedious most days? Unplugging from the Internet helps, but then they seem to follow me home...

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    1. Trust me Abby, today the internet is about the ONLY thing NOT tapdancing on my last nerve. But I'm sure that won't last either.

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  7. My son is fourteen and is totally into testing out his "shithead teenage boy" superpowers, so I gave you the hugest thumbs up for what you said about your daughter. My kid is a sweet, loving, wonderful boy who is trying to act super cool and tough and blah blah blah right now and I hope that more folks clue him in to the fact that Mom is right and being as ass is not the same as being cool.

    Also, can I tell you how much I hope to hear about a strange plague of shit sneezes sweeping the nation? At first I wrote I hoped to see that, but come on. Nobody wants to actuially *see* that.

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    1. I'd love to see the reaction to shit-sneezing.

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  8. I feel better too!! Seriously girl, then next time somebody pisses me off (and it will be soon, because that shit happens regularly), I'm calling on you to write the letter to them, because THIS is stellar! And yes, Joe Scarborough is a huge douche nozzle. Well done, you. *fist bump*

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    1. Thanks, I'm polishing up my writin' skillz.

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  9. I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard!

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