Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 22 and 20. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas and Snarky New Year, or how I came to hate telemarketers.

Merry Christmas Eve, Snarklings!

Thanks to all of you who commented on the Christmas Blues post, you guys have no idea how tremendously better you made me feel with all of your words. It's great to know that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed. I'm happy to report that my baking is finished, shopping is done, my wrapping is wrapped up, (see what I did there?) my mood is lighter and my house is still a shit hole. Hopefully that will have changed by the time I get home from work today. 16 & 14 were both given the directive to clean up said shit hole or there will not be a single gift under the tree tomorrow morning. Yeah, that's how I roll. Mrs. Grinch. So sue me.

Shifting gears here for a moment, I just got one of those annoying automated calls on my cell phone. I find I've been getting more and more of them.

"This is Assface from your credit card company. There is no problem with your account, however you now have an opportunity to lower your percentage rate!" 

Me: "WOW What a great automated person Assface is, trying to save me money! How can I learn more, Assface???

Assface: "Press 1 to speak with a REAL LIVE HUMAN to discuss lowering your rate!!" 

Naturally, I nearly break my finger pressing 1 with the enthusiasm of a child opening a present on Christmas morning (a child who has cleaned up her shit hole of a house, of course).

Real live human douchebag: "Rude Dude here, how can I help you today?"

Me: "Hey Rude Dude, I wish to be put on your DO NOT CALL list please. "

Real live human Rude Dude: "click"

He hung up on me!!! I was SHOCKED!
That's almost as bad as the call I received the other night. 14 answered the phone and I heard her say "hello" several times before she actually got an answer. "Hold on, she's right here". She handed me the phone and again, I repeatedly said "Hello" before "Ken Johnson" came on the to tell me (in his clearest voice with the heaviest Indian accent I have ever heard) that my computer was sending out too many critical errors and that I needed to do something about it. Please don't ask me what I needed to do because I couldn't understand one flipping word that "Ken Johnson" was telling me. "Ken" and I were both talking at the same time so it made it even more difficult to ascertain exactly what he wanted from me, so I told them that I wanted him to put me on his DO NOT CALL list. "Ken's" response to me was simply one word: "WHY?"

Why?? How about because I don't know what you want from me, I don't have any account with you and I don't wish to receive anymore calls from you, how about that, "Ken Johnson"??

This was "Ken Johnson's" response, and I swear to Allah that I am not making this up: "No, but you have to open an account with me!"

Um, what? Really? No, I really don't think I do, "Ken Johnson".

I have my home phone on the national DO NOT CALL list, and I have all the cell phone numbers we have also listed on the national DO NO CALL list, and still, they continue to call. And THIS is why we need to stop spending forty-nine bazillion dollars on determining why some rats like brie and others prefer limberger cheese and start cracking down on the "Ken Johnsons" of the telemarketing world.

Ok, rant over. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I want to say that I hope your 2014 is filled with love, laughter and NO TELEMARKETING PHONE CALLS!! Merry Christmas, Snarklings!


  1. I've finally stopped feeling rude about just hanging up as soon as I realize it's a telemarketer. I know they're just trying to do a job, but since there is zero chance that I am going to buy something from or donate to someone who randomly calls me, I figure I'm letting them get to an actual prospect that much quicker. Just trying to help. ;)

    That goes double if there isn't a live human being on the other end when I answer. If you call me, the least you can do is be ready to talk when I answer.

    Merry Christmas, Snarky!
    Jen B

    1. Thanks Jen! And I'm almost always nice when I get a telemarketer on the line. I normally just politely ask them to put me on their DNC list. But when they get rude right off the bat, they deserve for me to be shitty!

      Merry Christmas my friend!!!

  2. Merry Christmas, Teri, 16, 14 and all the ships at sea!

    1. Thanks Toby, and Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  3. We answer all calls that have an "Out of Area" code on our phone with, "Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?" and they are usually so surprised they hang up.

    Merry Christmas, friend!! xo

    1. Great idea Michelle!!! And Merry Christmas to you!!!

  4. I put my number on that list long ago and its worked great. Good luck with it.

    Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

  5. I cannot believe that he hung up on you!! This is what I do to telemarketers when I'm feeling mischievous, but I can't claim it b/c I got it from some stand-up comedian. I say, "Yes, hang on, let me get her," then I set the phone on the table. And just let it sit. And sit. I did this at my dad's house one time and we all giggled hysterically the entire time...because we're really mature like that.

  6. It's the ones that say I signed up to be contacted or something like that. No way, no how do I ever sign up for anything.

    Bah humbug.

  7. I love when I got the call that I thought was a telemarketer because of the way he spoke and I kept saying "operator! operator!!" and he replied, "I'm a real live person lady."

    Yeah..I hung up on that one.

  8. "Ken Johnson" was part of a national scam that wound up with people giving access to their computers and credit-card information to "fix" their problem. It only fixed Ken Johnson's problem of having enough dough for Christmas. Or, whatever he celebrates.

  9. As an call center you have a point on hating telemarketer cause sometimes some of telemarketers really do annoy customer and call in a wrong time.

  10. I hate those assface credit card phone calls. My cell has gotten on their list despite being on the Do Not Call registry and every time I have pressed one to ask them not to call, they hang up. So, I have started carrying around my hockey referee's whistle which is what they get after they answer when I press One.


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