Merry Christmas! Did you eat yet??

Merry Christmas, Snarklings! If you're a regular visitor to the old SnarkfestBlog you'll know that I am NOT a food blogger. Do I love to eat? HELL YEAH! But I don't blog about food. Until right now. I'm going to share with you a recipe that I've made since 2000.  And everywhere I go with this recipe, people love it. LOVE. IT.

I found it in a magazine called Taste of Home back in 2000 when my mother in law gave me a subscription (remember magazines??)  The first time I made it, my husband and kids liked it. Then I brought it to a Christmas party and I was practically mauled for the recipe. I've since made this dessert every year and it continues to spread joy and expanded waistlines everywhere it goes. Trust me when I tell you, it's REALLY EASY. I don't do difficult recipes. I'm lazy like that.

So from my family to yours, have a very Merry Christmas and enjoy this delicious treat. And if you like it, share it and come back and tell me if you liked it.

Photo courtesy of Taste of Home Magazine Online

Ingredients: 
FOR CRUST: 
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/3 cup sugar
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
2/3 cup chopped macadamia nuts (I buy the small bag and chop them in a chopper or food processor)

FOR FILLING: 
8 oz. package cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 can (15 oz.) pear halves, drained
cinnamon/sugar mix

 Making the good stuff: 
 
1. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in vanilla. Gradually add flour to the creamed mixture, then stir in the nuts.

2. Press into a greased 8" square pan. Bake at 350°  for 20 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on a wire rack about 20-30 minutes.

3. In a small bowl, beat cream cheese until smooth. Beat in the sugar, egg and vanilla. Pour over crust.

4. Cut pears into thin slices (about 1/8" thin); arrange in a single layer over the filling. Sprinkle cinnamon/sugar mix generously over the pears.

5. Bake at 375° for 28-30 minutes (center will be soft-set and will become firmer upon cooling). Cool on a wire rack for 45 minutes. (Your house will smell AMAZING!!!!)

6. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before cutting. Store uneaten (WHAT??) dessert in the fridge. Yields 16 bars.

Merry Christmas and Snarky New Year, or how I came to hate telemarketers.

Merry Christmas Eve, Snarklings!

Thanks to all of you who commented on the Christmas Blues post, you guys have no idea how tremendously better you made me feel with all of your words. It's great to know that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed. I'm happy to report that my baking is finished, shopping is done, my wrapping is wrapped up, (see what I did there?) my mood is lighter and my house is still a shit hole. Hopefully that will have changed by the time I get home from work today. 16 & 14 were both given the directive to clean up said shit hole or there will not be a single gift under the tree tomorrow morning. Yeah, that's how I roll. Mrs. Grinch. So sue me.

Shifting gears here for a moment, I just got one of those annoying automated calls on my cell phone. I find I've been getting more and more of them.

"This is Assface from your credit card company. There is no problem with your account, however you now have an opportunity to lower your percentage rate!" 

Me: "WOW What a great automated person Assface is, trying to save me money! How can I learn more, Assface???

Assface: "Press 1 to speak with a REAL LIVE HUMAN to discuss lowering your rate!!" 

Naturally, I nearly break my finger pressing 1 with the enthusiasm of a child opening a present on Christmas morning (a child who has cleaned up her shit hole of a house, of course).

Real live human douchebag: "Rude Dude here, how can I help you today?"

Me: "Hey Rude Dude, I wish to be put on your DO NOT CALL list please. "

Real live human Rude Dude: "click"

He hung up on me!!! I was SHOCKED!

That's almost as bad as the call I received the other night. 14 answered the phone and I heard her say "hello" several times before she actually got an answer. "Hold on, she's right here". She handed me the phone and again, I repeatedly said "Hello" before "Ken Johnson" came on the to tell me (in his clearest voice with the heaviest Indian accent I have ever heard) that my computer was sending out too many critical errors and that I needed to do something about it. Please don't ask me what I needed to do because I couldn't understand one flipping word that "Ken Johnson" was telling me. "Ken" and I were both talking at the same time so it made it even more difficult to ascertain exactly what he wanted from me, so I told them that I wanted him to put me on his DO NOT CALL list. "Ken's" response to me was simply one word: "WHY?"

Why?? How about because I don't know what you want from me, I don't have any account with you and I don't wish to receive anymore calls from you, how about that, "Ken Johnson"??

This was "Ken Johnson's" response, and I swear to Allah that I am not making this up: "No, but you have to open an account with me!"

Um, what? Really? No, I really don't think I do, "Ken Johnson".

I have my home phone on the national DO NOT CALL list, and I have all the cell phone numbers we have also listed on the national DO NO CALL list, and still, they continue to call. And THIS is why we need to stop spending forty-nine bazillion dollars on determining why some rats like brie and others prefer limberger cheese and start cracking down on the "Ken Johnsons" of the telemarketing world.

Ok, rant over. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I want to say that I hope your 2014 is filled with love, laughter and NO TELEMARKETING PHONE CALLS!! Merry Christmas, Snarklings!