Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Songs for the School Bus

Songs. Music. What would life be like without music? I know in our house, it would suck.  My alarm clock rouses me out of sleep with music, not a nasty buzzer. 15's is the same way. 13 sleeps with the radio on. We love music. First thing we do when we get in the car is to find our favorite song on XM. 34,953 stations, that damn song has to be on ONE of them! 15 is in the marching band, jazz band and symphonic band at her high school, and 13 is in band and jazz band in her middle school. Simply put, music is a huge part of life at Casa Snarkfest.

I don't have a musical bone in my body. But I do have a sarcastic streak (no really! I'm serious!) And I'm fairly creative. And devious. So I put all of those talents to good use, strictly for motivational purposes. Let me 'splain.

When 15 started middle school, and her bus came an hour and a half earlier than it did when she was in elementary school, we began to have some trouble with her making the bus. Many many times I'd end up driving her to school, or worse, making her walk! The school is almost exactly 1 mile from our house. We have no sidewalks here in the little burg in which we live, and there is one pretty nasty busy road, so I'd walk with her. But it was a pain in the ass to have to walk my kid to school because I had other things going on. I had another kid who needed to get up and get ready for school, I had to get ready for work. The world did NOT revolved around her. Call me selfish, I don't care. I needed to get her to get motivated to make the bus to school on time. 

Enter music. I've often said I'm a font of useless information, and I have a history of remembering song lyrics from songs I haven't heard in 30 years, so I used this super power of mine to create little ditties to motivate her. I'd take a song and change the lyrics to either celebrate her making the bus or lament her missing it.

When 13 entered middle school last year, 15 was entering high school, and now I had 2 who had to make a 7:00 a.m. bus. The challenges of raising teens. The drama, the heartache, the fighting, the clothes. WHO KNEW I'd also have the dreaded school bus to deal with too? THAT wasn't in the handbook! So when 13 started missing HER bus, I started adding her to the songs. 


Did I mention they HATE it? HATE may not even be strong enough. Because I put these songs on Facebook each morning. And my friends saw them. And their friends saw it. And their friends' parents. And their teachers. And when these outsiders would say something to 15 & 13, they'd come home aggravated. "Mom, would you PLEASE stop putting your songs on Facebook??" Sure, I'd say, just start making the bus and I'll stop.

But they didn't. And I didn't. It's not always easy. Once that last school bus leaves my driveway, I have to come up with clever lyrics to your favorite songs. I do not plan these in advance. Honestly. I sit down with my coffee, stare at my screen and hum tunes in my head. Sometimes I come up completely blank and the creative juices do not flow. It's on occasions like that when this is about all I can come up with:

This is the way they make the bus
Without a fuss
Without a cuss
This is the way they make the bus
so early, Monday morning.

Other times I get something awesome in my head and know exactly what I'm going to write. Here's one from this morning:

I awakened their lazy butts
I told them both to shower off
They made their buses and 
Blew me one last kiss

They didn't give me a hard time
I'm checking the basement for pods
They made their buses and
Blew me one last kiss

*Pink - Blow Me One Last Kiss

My one problem is this: once I write it out on FB, I hit 'enter' and that's the end. It's out there for everyone to see and I move on with my day. I don't keep track of them. Sometimes I use them more than once and this is only because I have forgotten that I've done them. I really should start keeping these in a file somewhere in case there is a book in my future. 


I'm also interested in taking suggestions. I promise, anyone offering suggestions will get full credit for their ideas. I may even pay you in donuts or beer. So let's have them! Tell me a good song, change the lyrics. Did they make it? Did they miss it? Show me something clever. And Blow Me One Last Kiss.

24 comments:

  1. One girl drives her own car
    She's headed out the door
    Guess she'll be soaking wet
    Left her umbrella on the floor.

    Other one starts by groaning
    (which is better than a cuss)
    the rain and the late night
    mean she hates to catch the bus.

    But sheee'ss in luuuuckkk....tooodddayyy....Oh yeah!
    Dad has aggrrreeeeeed to driiiiveeee today...
    Eating breaaakfast - fast!
    You don't want to get there last!
    Your morning (your morning) doesn't suck (doesn't suck) as muuuchhh with dad, today.

    *Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would S**k Without You
    (it's a stretch. Go with it)

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    Replies
    1. That is fantastic!!!! Keep the ideas coming. I keep telling 15 that she can't even take the test for her permit until she makes the bus consistently for a month. Hasn't happened yet. ;)

      Teri

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  2. OMG! So glad to hear I am not the only one who does this!

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    Replies
    1. Do you write songs or just struggle with the bus saga, Amy?

      Teri

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  3. You are the sun to my shine every morning Snarkfest. I love you. And therefore I must love your daughters for having bus issues. Summation is then that I love bus issues. Because they make you write songs.

    I think I miss my math career.

    Evil Joy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If A = B and B = C then I love you too Evil Joy!

      Teri

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  4. Teenagers are embarrassed by everything moms do. Everything. That makes the threat of public humiliation a very effective form of discipline! I love your songs. Seeing if your girls made the bus is part of my morning routine now. Rock on, Teri!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Lorinda, happy that I can give you a morning smile!!

      Teri

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  5. Great idea! I'm so glad those days are in the past.

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure I'll miss these day soon enough, Eva. ;)

      Teri

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  6. Hahaha that is so cool! I can imagine the eyerolls I would get from my tribe haha. Following you from the TGIF blog hop! Thanks for making me giggle :)
    Crissy xx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Crissy. Going to check you out now!

      Thanks,
      Teri

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. Oh I can't wait for these days....

    To the Wobble song.... Just the intro and the chorus...

    Ohhh
    Ohhhh....

    All the shawtys in the house
    (let me see you just)
    Make the bus, on time
    (let me see you just)
    Get dressed n hit the ground
    (let me see you just)
    eat and run, eat and run

    hustle baby, hustle baby, hustle baby, hustle (x4)
    get in there, yah yah, get in there, yah yah, get in there, yah yah, get in there, yah yah
    ey baby girls, make da bus, make da bus, (x4)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your day will come, Alex! Hope your kids make it but you're off to a good start with that song if they don't. :)

      Teri

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  9. Hi there

    What a great blog!

    I'm following you via the blog hop thingy!

    take care

    Si

    Funny Texts, Funny Pics & Funny Videos

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  10. My dear Snarkzilla, I have not forgotten you. I'm a woman on a mission and I will be back reading you in full force on Monday. I'm like.. lost in memory lane right now.. I'll find my way out.. unless of course I pass lovers lane, then,, well.. we won't go there.. kk?

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    Replies
    1. LOL No worries Judy! Take your time. I've got lots to say and am saying lots, often. ;)

      Teri

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  11. I do this too!! Well not the bus thing my kids are babies but replacing words to songs it is so fun. You are always so funny.

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  12. I'm sitting here trying to be creative and think up some cool rock and roll song for you but all I keep coming up with is that damn kiddie song "The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round..." Yeah, I definitely lost brain cells after having 4 kids....

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    1. That was my issue when I first started, Mama. That darn song was the only thing in my head and I couldn't EVER get it out!!

      Teri

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  13. This is awesome and I can't believe they continue to miss the bus after being so "humiliated" on facebook. Something tells me that deep down, they kind of like it. Like 20 years from now, it will be the stuff of legend: remember when you mom used to change songs and put them on facebook because you missed the bus????? Awesome memories you're making there!

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