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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Following the band, suffering the mom-guilt....

This past weekend was a whirlwind. I had tickets to see Duran Duran at the new Ovation Hall at Revel, Atlantic City's newest place to go to lose your shirt. We found out while we were eating dinner that the show was not going to happen because Nick Rhodes, the keyboard player, was hospitalized for exhaustion. Pardon my snark here for just a second, but really? Exhaustion? The man stands behind a Macbook and presses keys. If they told me he was hospitalized for carpal tunnel, or a hangnail, or hell, even arthritis, I'd totally get it. But exhaustion? The hardest he works at each show is coming up with new reasons why 'The Reflex' won't use it. And taking pictures of the audience when he's not pushing buttons on his Macbook.

We do know that the 'nana broche' he wears on his top button is pretty heavy, so that might explain it a bit:
Nana Broche - Image courtesy: Tampa Bay Times



Ok now that I'm sure I've pissed off a ton of Nick Rhodes fans, I want you all to know that I do love him, he's a wonderfully talented keyboard player, he is charming and smells wonderful in person and looks better in full makeup than I do. I do wish the best for him and a speedy and full recovery, truly I do. And I'll share this blog that was just shared with me to show you that I DO truly love Nick, and that I'm NOT a horrible fan who is pissed off at the band for the cancellation. I'm honestly not the least bit upset.

My POINT in all of this is that the show was cancelled. But while we WERE disappointed, we made the best of it. After all, the group that I had met up with hadn't been together since we all traveled to the Foxwoods LAST April to see....Duran Duran perform there. Seeing a trend? Yes, we're hopeless Duranies and we have formed a huge bond through the band. And even if the band doesn't show up, if we're together, we're going to make the best of it. I met a few new friends, and got to spend time with some great friends I've known for well over 7 years. AND we did managed to hang out with some of the band, because let's face it, they had no other plans once the show was cancelled. The backup singer, the lovely Anna Ross bought me a drink, the lead singer Simon LeBon proved, yet again, what a douchebag he is. We've begun referring to him as LeDouche, or even better, Zack Galifinackis. Twins, separated at birth? You decide:

Courtesy: picgifs.com

Courtesy: Kathy Murphy
All kidding aside, we all needed this time to get away and relax, away from our normal jobs, our normal life, our kids, our houses, our pets, our routine. We don't do it often enough. We all need to have our fun. Our children have fun daily. And if we aren't enjoying ourselves on occasion, we tend to get cranky and grumpy, easy to piss off. So we really shouldn't feel guilty for taking a weekend and living like a rock star. Hell, we shouldn't even feel guilty when we take an HOUR to spend alone. But we do, don't we? We as women tend to feel guilty for treating ourselves. Don't tell me you don't feel guilty if you go out and buy something nice for yourself, knowing full well that little Janie needs socks for soccer or little Jackie needs a new pocket protector for his nerd shirt. You do! Don't lie! We ALL feel guilty if we do something for ourselves. And we SHOULDN'T!

When my husband left his job to finish school, he was home with the kids more, which freed up more of MY time, and I used that time to my advantage. I started running. I ran like a maniac while he wasn't working. I lost 60 lbs. in about a year. I felt great, I looked great, I wasn't (as) dumpy anymore, and it was all because I took that time for me. I had the free time because he was there to help out. I didn't feel guilty, because he encouraged my running, my weight loss, and loved the results.

Then, 13 months after he left his job, he found another, much better job. I love that he's back to work. I love that he's doing something that he loves to do. But gone are the days when I could go out and do a 10 mile run during basketball or volleyball season, because I'm the one that needs to be there at the kids' activities. His commute no longer allows him to be present for some of the things that he was on hand for for all that time. Don't get me wrong, I swear I'm not complaining. Really! I'm not! But my running has been cut back tremendously, and I've put back about 30 of those pounds that I had lost. It's no one's fault but my own. I'm taking the rap for this. It's all my doing. And when I have the choice of doing a 3 mile run with my daughter or a 10 mile run with my running buddies, my allegiance now lies with spending that time with my daughter. She's a sophomore now and time is going by so quickly that I'm afraid I'll blink and tomorrow she'll be graduating and going away to college. She still likes me, still wants to hang out and run with me, which is freaking awesome, because I know that's not always going to be the case. At some point, she's going to prefer hanging with her friends instead of with me. And I totally get that, but in the mean time, I want to hang on to that precious time, that special time that we spend together. So there in lies that fine line. That mommy-guilt line.

I never want to be 'that woman'. The one who resents her family, her life, because she never got to do the things she wanted because she devoted her life to her husband and children, ensuring that their lives were wonderful and all the while doing without, herself. I don't want to lose me. I'm so lucky that I have the opportunity to spend time watching my beautiful girls grow into amazing women, I'm beyond lucky to have a husband who, after almost 18 years of marriage, still loves me as much as he does, and the fact that he understand my need to retain my sense of self and get away from time to time to do things for myself makes me luckier than any lottery winner.

14 comments:

  1. You are a lottery winner. You see the value in what you have, a loving, understanding husband and kids who LIKE you in addition to loving you. To be a person who carries gratitude with you each day for those incredibly important life items? Lottery winner. And, I would be willing to bet that other people close to you see they have won the lottery of friendship...

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    1. Thank you!! I truly feel blessed and hope that I'm passing a good lesson on to my own children.

      Teri

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  2. Hard to find that balance of self and family. I think as moms we always lose. Sorry your concert feel through. Wish I could use exhaustion as an excuse not to work. I would never go!

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    1. It really is, Jules. There's always that little voice in the back of my mind that says "I'm missing a meet, I'm missing a performance." And if exhaustion was a legitimate excuse, I'd be right there with you lying on the couch eating Corn Pops and watching crappy TV.

      Teri

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  3. I totally feel you on the mommy-guilt and making time for myself! It's the single biggest reason I haven't trained for a full marathon yet. It's hard enough to explain to my almost-5-year-old why, yet again, I probably won't be home when he wakes up because I'll be out for a [insert number]-mile run.

    And I won't even go there about how I feel when he calls me "Miss Leah" (his teacher's name) instead of "Mommy"...

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    1. That definitely has to suck, Minday. I at least didn't start running until my kids were into double digits, so they understood why mommy was out running, to take care of herself. At Gannon's age, he may not understand that whole concept.

      Teri

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  4. whack job running crack hoAugust 27, 2012 at 7:43 PM

    Your a rock star in my book. You do an awesome job holding down the fort. Glad you got away and had a great time.

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  5. I just had this conversation with my girlfriend the other day. We have to take time for ourselves, when we are happy we can be better moms, partners, friends, etc. Another great post :)

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    1. EXACTLY!!! It's so true, if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!


      Teri

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  6. We all need our own time. Mine, I choose to use for reading and blogging, but should be running!

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    1. LOL And I should read while running. It'd be dangerous but I would get so much more accomplished!!

      Teri

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  7. I totally understand needing time. My husband leaves for work around 4:45 am. I get up with him, just so when he leaves I have an hour to do whatever I want..fb stalk, blog, exercise, etc. before I have to get ready for work and care for my two little boys. Some people think I'm crazy for being awake at such an hour, but it's really my only ME time!
    I'm a new follower of your blog!

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    1. Hi Cassandra, I'm in awe of you getting up with your husband at that hour!! Mine gets up around the same time and once he leaves the bed, our dog Henry takes his place every morning. Henry and I enjoy our quiet time in bed before the alarm goes off at 6:00 to get the day started!

      Thanks for following!!
      Teri

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