Trick or Treat?

So just how old is too old to go trick or treating in your opinion? Last year 15 and 13 stayed home and handed out candy with me, and the year before we were in DC because hubby and I ran the Marine Corps Marathon which was on Halloween. So this year, I've got a 15 year old who wants to go trick or treating BUT it's for Unicef for the Key Club. 13 wants to go trick or treating with her best girl friend.

I've always had a dislike for older kids showing up on my doorstep with a flannel shirt, jeans and a pillow case. They come to the door and look at me. They don't say "Trick or Treat" or "Eat Shit" they just look at me as if to say "Well, bitch what are you waiting for? Gimme the candy." Honestly can't stand that. For crying out loud, at least TRY. Put on a mask, say something. But no. No costume, no plea for candy, and no "Thank you" when they do get candy. I won't allow either of my girls to ever do this. They were raised better. But when do you say enough is enough to your kids? Do I say 'no, you're too old' when all of their friends are showing up at my door? Granted, their friends ARE dressed in costume and most are respectful, but that makes me the grouchy old mom who won't let her kids go trick or treating.

What's a mother to do? What do YOU do? How old is too old, in your opinion?

As an aside (cuz you know I'm FULL of asides) a few years back we did Shep or Treat at Shepherd University here in town with 13's old Girl Scout troop and the kids went trick or treating in the dorms. Now, I'm not sure where they get the idea that college kids have enough money to buy treats to give out, but this one poor kid had given out all the candy he had bought and had resorted to handing out Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme cookies, and when he ran out of those, it was Ramen and Pop-Tarts for everyone. I believe we depleted his food budget for an entire semester.

Whatever you decide to do tonight, be safe, don't eat all your kids' candy, and Happy Halloween!

I got a rock.

I'm Getting Around!

I'm proud to be a part of a brand new site called The Epistolarians. I'm even MORE excited to say that I've got a blog featured on that site as of today. Go have a look and after you read my blog post there, take a look around the site and leave some comments. Hope you'll book mark it and go back to visit it frequently.

Take a look at The Epistolarians, and read my blog, Preparing for Doom.

Songs for the School Bus

Songs. Music. What would life be like without music? I know in our house, it would suck.  My alarm clock rouses me out of sleep with music, not a nasty buzzer. 15's is the same way. 13 sleeps with the radio on. We love music. First thing we do when we get in the car is to find our favorite song on XM. 34,953 stations, that damn song has to be on ONE of them! 15 is in the marching band, jazz band and symphonic band at her high school, and 13 is in band and jazz band in her middle school. Simply put, music is a huge part of life at Casa Snarkfest.

I don't have a musical bone in my body. But I do have a sarcastic streak (no really! I'm serious!) And I'm fairly creative. And devious. So I put all of those talents to good use, strictly for motivational purposes. Let me 'splain.

When 15 started middle school, and her bus came an hour and a half earlier than it did when she was in elementary school, we began to have some trouble with her making the bus. Many many times I'd end up driving her to school, or worse, making her walk! The school is almost exactly 1 mile from our house. We have no sidewalks here in the little burg in which we live, and there is one pretty nasty busy road, so I'd walk with her. But it was a pain in the ass to have to walk my kid to school because I had other things going on. I had another kid who needed to get up and get ready for school, I had to get ready for work. The world did NOT revolved around her. Call me selfish, I don't care. I needed to get her to get motivated to make the bus to school on time. 

Enter music. I've often said I'm a font of useless information, and I have a history of remembering song lyrics from songs I haven't heard in 30 years, so I used this super power of mine to create little ditties to motivate her. I'd take a song and change the lyrics to either celebrate her making the bus or lament her missing it.

When 13 entered middle school last year, 15 was entering high school, and now I had 2 who had to make a 7:00 a.m. bus. The challenges of raising teens. The drama, the heartache, the fighting, the clothes. WHO KNEW I'd also have the dreaded school bus to deal with too? THAT wasn't in the handbook! So when 13 started missing HER bus, I started adding her to the songs. 

Did I mention they HATE it? HATE may not even be strong enough. Because I put these songs on Facebook each morning. And my friends saw them. And their friends saw it. And their friends' parents. And their teachers. And when these outsiders would say something to 15 & 13, they'd come home aggravated. "Mom, would you PLEASE stop putting your songs on Facebook??" Sure, I'd say, just start making the bus and I'll stop.

But they didn't. And I didn't. It's not always easy. Once that last school bus leaves my driveway, I have to come up with clever lyrics to your favorite songs. I do not plan these in advance. Honestly. I sit down with my coffee, stare at my screen and hum tunes in my head. Sometimes I come up completely blank and the creative juices do not flow. It's on occasions like that when this is about all I can come up with:

This is the way they make the bus
Without a fuss
Without a cuss
This is the way they make the bus
so early, Monday morning.

Other times I get something awesome in my head and know exactly what I'm going to write. Here's one from this morning:

I awakened their lazy butts
I told them both to shower off
They made their buses and 
Blew me one last kiss

They didn't give me a hard time
I'm checking the basement for pods
They made their buses and
Blew me one last kiss

*Pink - Blow Me One Last Kiss

My one problem is this: once I write it out on FB, I hit 'enter' and that's the end. It's out there for everyone to see and I move on with my day. I don't keep track of them. Sometimes I use them more than once and this is only because I have forgotten that I've done them. I really should start keeping these in a file somewhere in case there is a book in my future. 

I'm also interested in taking suggestions. I promise, anyone offering suggestions will get full credit for their ideas. I may even pay you in donuts or beer. So let's have them! Tell me a good song, change the lyrics. Did they make it? Did they miss it? Show me something clever. And Blow Me One Last Kiss.

Some awesome news and even awesomer bloggers!

Check out the really nice blog post about Snarkfest from the lovely Judy Susan over at Running Toward the Light Without Spilling My Drink. What a sweetheart she is! I'm speechless (and those of you who know me know that this is something that's next to impossible to do!)

Also on my cool chicks list today is Michelle from You're My Favorite Today, who gave me a shout out on her blog as she received the Liebster Award. Thanks Michelle!

While I'm doling out the Kudos to some of my favorite people, let me also take the time to say hey and howdy to Jenn over at My Daily Jenn-isms who is one of the most generous, sweet ladies out there whether it's in the blogosphere or in real life. She takes the time every Wednesday to pimp out a new page each hour on her FB page. She truly cares about other people and for that, I thank her!

Some other totally cool chicks I'd love to mention are Evil Joy, of Evil Joy Speaks, Stef of Mom-Spirational, Rebecca of Frugalista Blog, the lovely Slacker Mom, the always sweet Dina of A Plucky Procrastinator, the always awesome Christina of Riding The Crazy Train: Diary of a Delirous Mom, the lovely and delicious Tracy of Momaical, and the profoundly tasty Katie of Somewhat Sane Mom.

By no means are these the only ladies that I love to follow, but I'm at work and should be concentrating on looking for oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico and not gushing about fantastic bloggers, but darn it, I can't help it. They are awesome.

Now go have yourself an amazing Monday.

And yes, that's an oxymoron.

What the HELL is wrong with me??

UPDATED 10/20:

No real changes. The hall upstairs did get cleaned and vacuumed (not by me, I have 13 to thank for that). And the guest room IS clean (not by me, I've got 48 to thank for that). I did vacuum the 467 lbs of dog and cat hair from the steps, but that was it.

I did get a nice run in this morning with the Nazicrackho, and am spending tomorrow at Notaviva winery in Northern Virginia with Nazi and Susan. Looking forward to that!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. :)




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It happened again this morning. I swear, I have never had an issue with ADD, ADHD, never been very easily distracted (oh a kitty!) but in the past two weeks, this has happened to me:

 

My counter this morning.

My floor last weekend

My counter last weekend

I keep forgetting to put the actual COFFEE MUG under the spout to catch the freshly brewed coffee that comes pouring out of the Keurig. Back in the age of dinosaurs and Mr. Coffee makers, I never forgot to put the glass carafe under the basket before turning on the power, so someone needs to 'splain to me why I'm having issue with my Keurig. I got it as either a Mother's Day gift or for my birthday, (memory escapes me, go figure) and up until last week I NEVER forgot to put a mug under the spout. Now I've done it twice. My thought process was as follows:

Coffee, mmmmm good, hot, fresh coffee. I'll just put the water in, then put the K-Cup in. Then I'll turn on the power button and make good, hot, fresh coffee. Oh, I need to make lunches, so I'll lay out 4 slices of bread for sandwiches. Ooooooh no, no clean knives in the silverware drawer, I'll have to empty the dishwasher. Yay, dishwasher emptied, now let me get a knife and start making the san...... Oh SHIT!!!!!! The bread did manage to soak up a good bit of the coffee that came out of my Keurig and onto my counter. That's positive, right??

In other news, I've given up cleaning my house. More specifically, the mess NOT made by me. Let me explain. I live in a dumpster. My children KNOW how to put a dish in the sink or dishwasher, they just choose NOT to. Don't ask me why. 15 has been told, pretty much on a daily basis, to remove her clothes from the floor in the bathroom once she's finished showering. And yet, she forgets to do this. Every. Single. Day. They bring cups of juice, soda, milk, whatever up to their rooms or into the family room and once the cup is empty, that spot becomes the cup's permanent home until I do a sweep of the room prior to running the dishwasher. But no more. I'm done. I sent this email to my family yesterday. I have not yet gotten back any response.

Dear Husband, 15 & 13,

This morning, I was in the family room and looked at the end tables and saw a bowl, a yogurt cup and spoon, 3 popsicle sticks and 3 different drinking cups. I started to clean them up and thought, 'why am I doing this? I did not make this mess'.

Here is my issue. When I am finished with a dish, a coffee mug or a cup, I put it either in the sink, on the counter or in the dishwasher if it's empty. I do NOT, however, leave it lying on a table in another room for someone else to clean up. So why, then, is it MY responsibility to clean up after everyone else who chooses to leave all these dishes, plates, cups, trash lying all over the house??? Cheese stick wrappers on my computer desk?? Go-gurt wrappers on the stairs?? Really?? Why is this my job to clean that up???

Grandma and Grandpa are coming on Saturday and staying overnight. The upstairs hallway, no matter how much I try to keep it clear, once again has clothes strewn all over the place. And don't even get me started on the bed that those two will have to sleep on. Clothes that get washed, dried and piled. There is NO follow through. It is JUST as easy to fold each load as it comes out of the dryer. That's what I do. Fold and sort and distribute. It takes a few extra minutes but it gets RID of the 'pile it on the dryer or the guest bed for someone else to deal with' step. Because it always seems to fall on MY shoulders to deal with that step and I'm pretty sick and tired of it.

Family, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. We are all FAR too busy in our lives to let this stuff pile up, because then it becomes a burden for one person (ME) to get it all clean before someone comes over and, God forbid, sees just what pigs we are. I am not saying that I am blameless in any of this, and I have allowed it to continue. But I'm so over and done with cleaning up after 3 other perfectly healthy human beings.

15, you borrowed $15 from a teammate to buy a shirt today at Regionals, after I had given you $25 this morning. Your first response "What about the $12 daddy said he had"  and when I asked how you planned on paying her back you responded: "Can I please have an allowance like everyone else??"

Now, I put this to you. Why would I even THINK of paying anyone money to put their stuff all over the place and expect me to clean it up?? I would be absolutely MORE than happy to give each child $10 each week as allowance, provided I think that they have earned it. But I'd rather spend $100 a month on hiring a cleaning lady to do the work instead of giving my children money for doing absolutely NOTHING. At least a cleaning lady is earning it.

If you want the house to look presentable for Grandma and Grandpa, you will have to clean it up yourselves. I volunteered to work in concessions to earn money so we don't have to shell out hundreds of dollars for 15's band. If I stay home and clean, it's more money we have to put out when we have clearly been trying to STOP spending unnecessary money.

If they show up on Saturday and the house is a mess, I'm not making apologies or excuses. I'm just going to say the house is a mess because the person that is responsible for cleaning it got sick of cleaning messes she did not make.


Mom

When I got home from concessions last night, this is what I found on the end table mentioned above:

Mess that has been sitting on my end table for at least 3 days

Again, none of this is mine. Notice that the yogurt container is gone. Hubby got rid of that, because that was his mess. Is it just me?

Lovely!

The lovely and talented menopausalmomma has generously included me in her list of awards from this weekend. She has bestowed upon me the Lovely Blog Award and for that I give her tons of hugs and a big wet sloppy kiss!!! Please go give her some loving when you can, she's a blast. <3

 Here are the rules:

• Post the award logo in your post and thank the amazing, beautiful, witty, charming and talented blogger who gave you the award.
• Nominate 5 other deserving bloggers
• List 7-15 random facts about yourself

So here are my nominees for the Lovely Blog Award:

Evil Joy Speaks
Mom-Spirational
Momaical
My Mom's A Whackjob!
Somewhat Sane Mom

And here are 7-15 random facts about yours truly:

1. I'm snarky (I know, you're shocked, right??)
2. I'm extremely short, 5'1" and I am covered in freckles
3. I've hated my hair since I came out of the womb. HATE IT
4. I should be working right now but I'm not (shhhh don't tell)
5. I hate lima beans and brussel sprouts. A lot.
6. I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner
7. I REALLY love baking for the holidays. I'm great at cookies.
8. I hate coming up with random facts about myself
9. I made homemade mac and cheese with chopped ham for 13's birthday and it was goooood.
10. I am the queen of holding grudges. I still hold a grudge for something that happened in 1988.
11. I have a wicked good memory for movie quotes, and am a font of useless information.
12. I've officially run out of random facts.

                                                                

My apologies? Not so fast......

First, let me start by rescinding the apology I made over the weekend to the good folks at the place I linked to in that blog that caused such an uproar. I pretty much caused someone's panties to get in a bunch. Not very positive. You know the blog of which I speak. Okay, I am hereby rescinding the apology that I typed out and posted on one of the co-founders' blogs because she said that I had 'laid hurt on' her heart. If you aren't sure wtf I'm talking about, go through the blogs I posted within the past few days, then scroll down and read one of the last comments posted, you'll see two different blogs mentioned in that comment, right before I swallowed my pride and got all weepy and sorry. Yeah, about that. I've decided that I'm NOT sorry I said what I said. What I AM sorry for is that people put themselves out there in the innerwebs, opening themselves up for all kinds of things, and then get all sad and sensitive when someone says a word against them. Here's a suggestion: grow a thicker skin. I was kind in my mocking. There are others out there that would be more than happy to give you a punch in the throat and not be sorry.

I went to the one blog and read what she had written about my 'cruelty' and about how what I said was 'thoughtless, careless and rude'. Now, me being the nice person I am (shut up) and not looking to get anyones' knickers in a twist, I apologized for hurting her feelings. I said that that was not my intent. But you know what? I shouldn't have to apologize for my opinion. And you know what else? It's been 3 days since I posted that apology in a comment and I have not seen one single acknowledgement regarding my words. If someone was thoughtless, careless and rude to me and I got all sad and weepy, and then they came back and apologized, I'd damn well acknowledge that apology. I'd at least say "Hey so and so, I appreciate your saying that you're sorry. I respect that you had the decency to come to MY page and publicly apologize to me for hurting my feelings." But I didn't even get so much as a "Hey Snarkfest, eat shit". So as I stated, I'm rescinding the apology. I'm not sorry. If you open yourself up to the world with an idea, you have to know that NOT everyone is going to say 'wow, that's brilliant, you're a genius, here's money to get it started.' If you believe that, you are living in fantasy land, so say hi to Mickey for me. As a matter of fact, when I initially saw the original idea for my blog post on that site, trying to raise money to make their dream a reality, they were only at $2600 in contributions. Now they are over $3200. I'd like to think that possibly my little controversy may have given them the sympathy donation and they've actually raised money because of my words. And she admitted that I taught her a lesson in empathy and living in choice. (Did I mention she's a life coach? That's a whole other blog post itself!)

Look, this is my blog. From here on out I will stand by what I say. I will make no apologies for voicing my opinions. If I think something is ridiculous, I'm going to say it, because that's who I am. I make no apologies for my opinions. I am a good person (shut up again) and I'm raising my kids to have a sense of humor. And I feel so badly for those who do not have one. You should get one. They're nice.