Judgin' Like Judy...

I must make a confession to you 6 fans of Snarkfest right now. I am a judgey mom. A Judgey-McJudgersen, if you will. I joked with a fellow band parent this weekend that while others may try to see the reason behind the decisions people make (or don't make), I very rarely give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt. So I tend to be judgin' like Judy. Judge Judy, for those of you who are scratching your head and wondering. NOT Judy Blume. NOT Judy Garland. Judge Judy. I'm pretty close to being one of the most judgmental people ever.

I will admit, it's not a very nice trait. I wish I COULD be more open-minded and understanding. But I tend to judge first and ask questions.....never.

I read this post from my friend Christine over at Keeper of the Fruit Loops and applauded her for putting up her volunteer pledge. And it got me to thinking. I'm a volunteer. Scratch that, I'm actually an OVER-volunteer-er. It's a thing, I swear. I'm a judgmental over-volunteer-er. I go to meetings and everything! And I usually volunteer to bring snacks.

But when it comes to parents who volunteer for NOTHING, I judge. I judge very harshly. Put it to you this way: 172 kids in the high school band this year. 2 of them are mine. I volunteer as the band booster Vice-President, I volunteer to chaperone trips, I volunteer to work in the concession stand during Friday night football games. I spend one night each summer at band camp and then help out in the kitchen the following morning serving breakfast (remember the Egg Nazi?).  You get the idea. I'm involved.  And I'm of the mindset that if you have a child involved in an activity, you, too, should be involved. But sadly, those of us with kids in the band see the same parents over and over. We work with the same group of parents every Friday in the concession stand, we see the same parents chaperoning band trips, the same parents volunteer at band camp, the same parents come to the monthly booster meetings. 172 band kids. Less than 50 involved band parents. Hashtag frustrating! (did I do that right?)

Last week I attended the parents meeting for 14's high school volleyball team. The team mom that they've had for a few years had recently taken on a new job and needed to be LESS involved. I totally get that. Working full time and having other kids at home, I TOTALLY get that some parents need to back off a little from volunteering. But that's when I feel that it's the responsibility of other parents to step up. Other parents who aren't ME. 14 turned to me and mouthed "You should be team mom!!!" "You should stop talking!" I mouthed back with a smile. No way. There's no way I can take on another responsibility. Not when there are 25 other sets of parents who are more than capable of taking over as team parent. I signed up to work the volleyball concessions stand, to bring snacks to games and to donate food to the stand to sell. But I have to draw the line at taking on being 'Team Mom'. Let someone else do it.

And that's the problem. More and more people are saying 'Let someone else do it' and less and less people actually ARE. And I don't look at the reason behind this lack of stepping up. I just judge. I'm jaded. I judge the parents who show up to football games with their spouse who think they're doing their part by buying some popcorn and a soda. Hey, Sparky, how about coming in so that one of US can go watch our kids perform in the halftime show?

That's my problem. There may be a very good reason WHY some folks can't volunteer to help out. But I'm so jaded by lazy-ass parents who aren't motivated to lift a finger to help out, that I lump ALL parents who don't help out together into one big cluster of lazy. It's something that I need to work on. Someday, when I see lots of different faces stepping up to the plate, maybe then I won't be so quick to judge. But for now, I will accept that I'm judgin' like Judy and then I'll go bake some brownies for the volleyball team's car wash this weekend (which I will, of course, be working).

Lazy people really boil my lobsters...

After reading this post by the lovely and talented Robyn of Hollow Tree Ventures, I was inspired to write my own take on this issue. It's one that I just had to deal with on a major scale and it pissed me off. It's something that has happened for the past 3 years, and for some reason, this year it just really churned my butter.

Let me 'splain it to you. I am the coordinator for our High School band's spring banquet. My first year (16's freshman year) I co-coordinated with my friend Mimzy (you can read her blog here, she's awesome). That year, her son graduated and she had one year off after that before her youngest was a freshman, so 16's Sophomore year, I took over the job. Confused yet? Good.

Here's how we do this every year. It's a potluck dinner that we hold in the cafeteria, and each class brings something: Freshman bring salads, Sophomores bring sides, Juniors bring main dishes and Seniors bring desserts/beverages. Are you with me? Good.

Now to the aggravating part. Every year we send out a blanket email invitation from the band director explaining the deal, asking for the folks to bring stuff and reminding them to RSVP to one of us (me or Mimzy, who is back in the HS in full swing with her youngest). This same message also goes out to all parents in the county's school portal, Livegrades. It's on the band's website. Every parent should see this in one way or another. The kids all talk about it. So explain to me WHY in the WORLD NO ONE RSVP's??? Yet they show up! And SOME show up EMPTY HANDED!!! Here's a little breakdown for you:

2012 -  125 kids in band,  59 families RSVP, 215 were expected, over 300 people showed up
2013 -  147 kids in band,  57 families RSVP, 220 were expected, over 350 people showed up
2014 -  155 kids in band,  64 families RSVP, 244 were expected, OVER 430 people showed up

This year, we ran out of chicken before the last table was sent up to the buffet (the band booster organization provides the chicken each year). We ran out of forks. We ran out of plates. Why? Because HOW can you POSSIBLY plan a banquet when you expect 250 people and almost 200 more show up? How hard is it to respond to an email? Make a phone call? Send a damn text? Shit, I see a great many of these folks at sporting events, concerts and even the grocery store! Couldn't you just say "Hey there will be 3 of us at the banquet, see you then!"???? Is that so friggin' hard?? I could scream!

I walked around that cafeteria saying hello to folks and under my breath I was whispering to myself: "You didn't RSVP, YOU didn't RSVP, and oh, there's ANOTHER family who didn't RSVP." Yes, I must have looked nuts.

Now, here is our big quandary. Next year's band will be the biggest we've ever had. We have 180 kids signed up. Our cafeteria seats 450 UNcomfortably. Seriously, this year at 430 attendees, we were packed in there like sardines. We are averaging about 41% of band families RSVP'ing to the event. Let me put it to you plainly: WE. ARE. SCREWED.

So I'm putting this question to you, my dear Snarklings: How do you get people to listen to an RSVP? And what measures should we take in the future to ensure we have enough room? Do we make it band kids only? Or only invite Senior parents?  I like the Senior parents idea, and if you are a parent of a kid in another grade and want to attend, not only is RSVP MANDATORY, but you also have to come and help set up and stay for clean up. Damn right I'm bitchy about this subject.

Ungrateful 15

Let me tell you a little story about my oldest child. I love her like no one I've ever loved with the exception of her sister. I am more proud of her than you can ever begin to imagine. She is the light of my life, the cream in my coffee, the jelly to my peanut butter. But tonight, I was ready to put her up for sale to the highest bidder. Look up ungrateful in the dictionary, you will find 15's picture.

Let me elaborate. It all started this morning at 6:05 when I woke her ass up the first time. Then continued at 6:10, 6:15 and 6:20 when I went back up to get her up again (and again and again). She finally dragged her ass into the shower at 6:35. Naturally, at 7:00 when the bus came (and went) she wasn't on it.  And naturally, being the idiot sucker kindhearted mom that I am, I drove her (again). Ask me how many times she    missed the bus last week. Go ahead, ask.

Fast forward to this evening. At 7:00 I arrived at her high school to pick her up from basketball practice and headed to the middle school to her sister's basketball game. IMMEDIATELY upon entering the car, she informs me that they have to dress up for tomorrow's basketball game in Virginia, and that she has NO nice dressy clothes to wear, so would I PLEASE take her to Kohls and buy her some nice new dressy clothes. Yes, she's asking me to blow off her sister's basketball game to take her to buy new clothes because the poor thing has no nice things to wear. "She'll have like, 14000 other games, it's okay if you miss this one." The answer was no. I'm not taking her to buy her anything new when I know for a fact that she's got tons of nice clothes in her room. They're just buried under all the shit that's on her floor. Oh yeah, and did I mention she missed the bus AGAIN?? Yeah, maybe had she MADE the bus this morning I'd be a little more willing to drive her to Kohls and buy her pretty things But dammit, she didn't and she just thinks it's my obligation to do as she wishes. I know damn well she's got nice dressy black pants in that mess she calls a room. She also has several pretty sweaters and blouses and camis she can wear with them. But no, because she can't find them, she doesn't have them so I MUST take her shopping.

Then, while we're sitting at her sister's game, the husband asked me what my plan is for tomorrow. I explained that I'll pick 13 up from practice and then head to the band booster meeting at the high school. 15 perks up and says "You're not coming to MY game??? You can't miss 13's game but you can miss MY game???" Well, let me just calmly explain that I'll be attending the first band booster meeting I've been able to attend in 3 months. Ask me why I've missed the last 3 months. Well, I'll tell you. Because I was busy working in the concession stand at high school JV football games and soccer games. Now, let me clarify something for those who think, 'wow, what an awful mom, she can miss the older daughter's games but not the younger??' I am a member of the band boosters organization for the high school marching band, an organization to which 15 belongs. And when I miss a band booster meeting because I'm working concessions, it's because every time I work in the concession stand, I earn money for 15's band account, which means she gets to go on trips and events and it doesn't cost much money out of pocket. So I'm not just blowing off her game, as I believe she thinks, but I'm trying to catch up on what I've missed over the past 3 months.

Since we arrived home from 13's game I have been confronted with nothing but attitude, nastiness and disrespect. I left to run to the grocery store and when I came back, I did receive an apology, which I accepted, but I did NOT forgive. And now she is uploading stuff onto her iPod for the bus trip to her game tomorrow and is out of money on her iTunes, so she's asking if she can use the money on my account and pay me back (in quarters). Really???

Why is it that she is only nice and kind to me when she wants something from me? Why does she think that I am here for her to walk on and treat like shit? I have become a doormat for my 15 year old daughter. And apparently, I've allowed it to happen. Well, no more.

How do you handle disrespectful offspring? How many of my fellow moms or dads have allowed themselves to become doormats? What does YOUR doormat say? Mine must say "Tread on me".