People are gross...

Let's talk about search terms. When you open up The Google and search stuff, you get a list of websites that are brimming with info on your search term. Or so you'd think.

Normally, if I wanted information on 'farting butterflies', I'd enter the search term "farting butterflies" and hopefully, The Google would bring up a whole bunch of websites with lots of info on this interesting topic.

So someone needs to explain to me how in the WIDE world people find MY blog, THIS little blog here, by typing in weird search terms that have absolutely NOTHING to do with me. Seriously. I write about my kids, my crush on Mike Rowe, current topics. I do NOT, however, write about a girl 'loosing' her virginity to a cat. Or how about this one: 'don't look under my dress perv boy'.  2 years ago I wrote about my daughter buying a homecoming dress that was too small, but never mentioned any perv boy looking up her dress, so how do they find MY blog by searching THOSE terms??

I do get a lot of people finding my blog by searching 'Mike Rowe married', and that fits, because you may or may not know this, but I've got a little crush on him, so that's totally understandable. I may or may not have mentioned him once or forty-bajillion times here. But when someone finds my blog by searching 'twinkies wearing overalls' I have to take pause. First of all, how the hell do Twinkies wear overalls? They don't have shoulders to keep the straps up.

I did write a blog post on Twinkies looking like minions but I never mentioned them wearing clothes. I hate animals or snack cakes wearing clothing. That's a well-known Snarkfest fact.

The search term that one person used grosses me out probably more than any of the others. How about: Boomer Esiason nude?

Excuse me while I go and bleach my brain to get that image out of my head. I posted about Boomer being an assbag, but never ONCE did I ever say anything about him being nude. Rude. A rude dude maybe. Or crude. A crude rude dude. With a 'tude. But nude? No thank you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see what I can find on the topic of farting butterflies. And I'm sure next week that will be tops on the list of search terms for the Snarkfest blog.

Weirdos.

Minions and Twinkies and Makeovers, Oh My!!

Got a little secret to share with you. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone. When I was in high school, about a thousand years ago, I had a huge crush on a guy named Twinkie. Yes, you read that right, Twinkie. Twinkie was on the wrestling team. People called him Twinkie and he was okay with it. Being on the wrestling team, you'd think that if someone calls a guy Twinkie, someone would get a swift kick in the ass, right? Not so much. This guy was big. And hot. And no, his momma didn't really name him Twinkie, that was just his nickname and I needed a lead-in to this post about Twinkies. And decorating Twinkies to look like the Minions from the movie Despicable Me 2. Apparently, this movie is set to be released on Blue-Ray soon and someone wanted me to write about this contest that's being sponsored by Universal Studios and Hostess (who THANK GOD started making Twinkies again).

Image courtesy: Wallcapture.com
Aren't they just the cutest stinking things????

And damn if they don't look just like Twinkies! That's what the contest thingy is about. Give your Twinkie a Minion Makeover to look like cute and adorable Minions from Despicable Me 2 and you can win stuff. More about that later. I've taken to my Snarkfest FB page and asked for one-liners from my friends and Snarklings describing their thoughts on the movie (which again, I should probably see since the first one was totes adorbs). Now, I must tell you that I have to go bleach my brain because I just typed the words 'totes adorbs' and I HATE anything that's 'totes' OR 'adorbs' but that's what the kids are saying these days and I gotsta stay current, yo.

I digress, as uszhe. So this is what the Snarklings are saying about Despicable Me 2:

"BEE-DOH, BEE-DOH, BEE-DOH" ~  Snarkling Minday (whose son Ganna is totes adorbs)
"Twinkles gross me out" ~ Snarkling Fran (who is awesome, by the way, even if Twinkles gross her out)
"Made us laugh, made us cry" ~ Snarkling Tanya (who may or may not be off her meds)
"It was better than Cats!" ~ Snarkling Theresa (who KNOWS her Cats!)
"Twenty one fart gun salute!" ~ Snarkling Sharon (who, you guessed it, knows her farts)
"Haven't seen it but two lies scare me almost as much as minions!" ~ Snarkling Evil Joy (whose autocorrect hates Twinkies too)

So there you have the shining reviews of a totally cute movie, and a cool contest whereby you decorate phallic shaped cream filled baked goods and win cool stuff. Does it GET any better??? I think not.

So here are the details of the contest for those of you who are still with me. You can read the rest, I'm going to go buy a box of Twinkies and reminisce on my high school days.

Image courtesy: wallcee.com
How do you find overalls to fit 7 Twinkies???

Sweepstakes Details: 
HOSTESS INVITES FANS TO GIVE TWINKIES A MINION MAKEOVER!
Hostess and Universal Studios Celebrate the Despicable Me 2 release on Blu-ray, DVD and Digital HD with The Twinkie Minion Makeover Sweepstakes! The Limited Edition Minion Makeover Packaging hits shelves as the holiday season gets underway. Hostess is inviting fans across the country to kick up their creativity and dress up their favorite golden, crème-filled treats and “Minion-ize” their Twinkies for the chance to win great prizes. Now through January 5, 2014, Hostess lovers can make the season a little brighter by visiting https://www.facebook.com/Hostess and https://www.Facebook.com/Hostess/app_170621563134175 to download a collection of Minion accessories, and make their own Twinkie Minion. Fans can then upload pictures of their creations to enter to win a daily instant prize, which includes a Despicable Me 2 Blu-ray™ and special offers from Hostess, or the grand prize, which includes a Home Theater System, a collection of 30 Blu-rays and a year’s supply of Hostess treats.