Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 24 and 21. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Friday, September 19, 2014

How I Know It's Time for the Dog to Get a Haircut...

I have two wonderful rescued dogs. Henry and Cosmo are brothers who we adopted from a local no-kill shelter about 6 years ago and they’ve brought so much joy into our house that it’s hard to imagine what life was like for us before they came to live with us. They came from a litter of 7 and they all had names that started with “H”. Henry, Humphrey, Hogan, Hannah, Heidi, Hector and Huey. Henry is, for all intents and purposes, a Henry. He’s like a little old man, he does his own thing, he gives not a single crap. Cosmo (the former Huey) is the exact opposite. Cosmo is a pleaser, he lives to make you happy. And he’s a special kind of dog. If Cosmo was a human, he’d have to wear a helmet. He’s such a sweet dog, they both are, really. But Cozzie is just a special kind of special. He chases lights on the wall, he will stare at dust as it rises in the sunlight and bite the reflection of the doorknob from the bathroom door to the hallway wall. There is a permanent line of bite marks on the wall, because Coz just can’t get it that it’s a light and he’ll never, no matter how many times he bites it, ever catch it.
My Cosmo. Just look at that sweet face.

But I digress. Cosmo is my short-haired boy. Henry is my higher maintenance boy. He’s got some Golden Retriever in him, so he’s got long hairy legs, hairy ears, a giant hairy tail, tufts of hair between his toes, a big fuzzy ass and did I mention long hairy legs?

His Majesty, Sir Henry of the Couch

Good, because that’s key to the story. I try to brush him and keep him knot free, but that’s not always possible with the crazy life we lead. So there are times when the boy has some knots and I try to work them out without having to cut his fur. Last week was one of those times. The dogs had been outside after a rain storm, and when they came in, Henry did what he normally does. He sat next to me, and nudged my arm off the computer mouse until I pet him. So I’m rubbing his side, trying to make him shake that leg and I felt something in his long leg hair, something that didn’t quite belong there. ‘Must be a knot, he’s got a bunch’ I thought, as I watched Criminal Minds and tried to maneuver the hair around this spot so that the knot would work its way out. But it wasn’t working. The ‘knot’ just refused to loosen up. I thought I was going to have to get the scissors. And then I looked at the ‘knot’. Turns out, not so much a knot. More like an earthworm. Yes, you read that right, Henry had an earthworm stuck to his fur under his leg. I’m not squeamish at all, in fact, I actually started laughing at this predicament. I asked my oldest to get a tissue as I struggled to get the earthworm to sit still, while trying to get Henry to sit still. A squiggly worm on a long haired dog, and neither will sit still. This ought to be fun! So I grabbed the tissue and lost the worm. Sounds like a horrible tequila induced nightmare, doesn’t it? I tried to get Henry to lie down on his side so I could get a clearer view of his underarm hair and try to find the elusive worm. But Henry would have none of it and I continued to struggle to find the worm. Thank goodness he’s a tan dog and not a darker red color like his brother Humphrey. I’d NEVER find an earthworm on a red dog.

After a good 5 minutes of searching and trying to keep Henry still, I found the earthworm and pulled. Guess what. Now we had 2 earthworms. My oldest was COMPLETELY grossed out at the half an earthworm, now squiggling around on the tissue, while I tried to capture the OTHER half of the now much shorter earthworm that was squiggling around in Henry’s hairy armpit.  Cue the Benny Hill music. Henry was struggling to get me out of his pit, oldest daughter was gagging over the two halves of an earthworm, both sides dancing the Macarena, husband and youngest child were laughing at me and Cosmo was chasing dust mites he saw glowing in the family room light. If Henry would just hold still, the dust mites would settle down and that would be one less thing to deal with. All I needed at that point was for the cat to come in and hack up a hairball. My night would be complete.

All good stories have a happy ending, and this one is no different. The cat didn’t hack, Cosmo didn’t catch any dust mites, Henry finally settled down long enough for me to catch the other end of that little bugger, and we went back to Criminal Minds. But we did have a good, hearty laugh at Henry and his little Wormy buddy. We’re taking Henry to the groomer on Monday.  


  1. Little diva dog...a little worm in the hair never hurt anybody...right? Haha

  2. I'm with your daughter....grossed out! Pretty cute dogs, though.


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