Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 24 and 21. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

And then, I got locked out of my house...

The past few days have been rough at Casa Snarkfest. School issues have taken over our lives and needed to be handled delicately. Add to that the fact that I haven't been feeling well and my husband's been staying later at work so that 16 can pick him up from the train station after she's finished her evening school-related activities and it makes for just an ugly week. Saves us on gas money because we don't have to make the extra train-station trip. But all in all, an ugly week.

I left work a little early yesterday because I was scheduled to work in concessions for a middle school football game that ended up being cancelled. So instead, I hung out and watched the marching band practice (they are freaking AWESOME, by the way) until it was time to pick up 14 from volleyball practice. We drove home, I threw dinner together and we chowed down.

The phone rang around 6:45 and it was an important call I had been expecting. 16 and 14 were watching TV (loudly) and the dogs were barking at a vicious and deadly blade of grass or something in the front yard, so I went out back to take the call. The call lasted for about 30 minutes, and during that time, 14 popped her head out of the sliding door to tell me that they were going to pick up Dad. I half listened, still very much invested in the phone call.

There were lots of mosquitoes out back last night and I was walking around the patio trying to avoid being eaten while on the phone, and when I hung up I went to open the sliding door. Unsuccessfully. We've taught our girls a lot of good habits, and locking the sliding door is one of them. Except when I'm outside being eaten alive by mosquitoes. After several unsuccessful attempts at knocking (during which time the dogs, currently INSIDE the house, barked at my knocking, as if they didn't realize that it was ME knocking on the door, despite the fact that they WATCHED ME KNOCK as they were inside and I was outside. Dumbasses) I gave up and called 14.

The conversation went something like this:

Ring ring....

14: "Hello?"
Me: "Are you inside the house? Because I've been knocking..."
14: "No, we told you, we went to pick up Dad."

14: "Oh gosh, mom! I am so sorry!!"
Me: "............"

Lucky for me, our neighbor, the NaziWhackJobRunningCrackHo has a spare key to our house. I stomped over, still talking to myself about being locked out of my own house, used her combination lock on her house to get in (I gotta get me one of those) and found my house key. I let myself into my own house with my dogs still barking at me (man they're cute but they're awfully stupid) and quickly ran up and put some Benadryl cream on the 36,794 mosquito bites I received while locked out of my house.

And how was YOUR night?


  1. I can't even imagine. At least you were able to get back in!

    1. Thank goodness the train station isn't far from the house. And thank goodness the Nazi has my spare key!

  2. You'll laugh about it later......maybe.

  3. Oh, Lord...I feel guilty laughing. I am so sorry. Especially about the mosquito bites, but DAYAM girl!

    And those damn dogs should know your bark. =)

    Please don't post this funny shit so I don't feel so bad laughing at you.

    1. I'm totally here for your amusement, Carrie. As long as dumb stupid shit continues to happen to me, I'll continue to post it for your amusement. No guilt is necessary. I'm a glutton for punishment.

    2. Welcome to my world, sister...I know where you're coming from! =)

  4. Have one of those fancy combo locks myself. Just for that reason. Just remember to change the batteries. Glad you could get in.

  5. When my daughter was 18 months old, she locked my mom out of the house. She just laughed at Grandma through the sliding glass door--completely unaware of what she had done. Luckily my mom's neighbor had a key too.


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