Warning: Emotional Train-wreck Ahead

It's been awhile since I've been here and I hope you'll excuse my absence. Shit's been crazy!

I'm warning you right now, I am an emotional wreck. A veritable train-wreck of tears. Seriously, I'm done. I'm sure it's not withdrawal from the antidepressants because I stopped those in early February. No, my friends, I think this is pure Snarkfest emotion from the heart. Shut up, I have a heart!

We lost my Father in law a little over month ago. It was sudden and completely unexpected.

I went back to Jersey to visit with my mom the weekend after Dad's funeral because it'd been way too long and life is too precious not to spend time with those we love. You just never know when your last visit will truly be the last time you see someone.  So I spent the weekend watching the Phillies lose and hugging my mom. That was last month. Yesterday she fell in her apartment building and broke her arm. My heart aches that I can't be with her but with graduation tomorrow there's no way I can drive to Jersey. Thank God for my brother.

As the school year draws to a close, we have end of year banquets, concerts, parties and ultimately, 17's graduation. Yeah, THAT'S not had me in tears. Nope, not me. I've been a emotionless rock. Stoic, solid and.......who the hell am I kidding? I've been crying since December. I'm crying now. I'll be crying until the cows come home.

Do they still say that? Is that still a saying or am I really showing my age?

Whatever, it doesn't matter.  My point is, this is a rough time of year. You know how things change? How quickly we are thrown off course and we struggle to keep ourselves up right, on the right path after a monkey wrench is thrown into the mix? I've been feeling that way lately. Sad at how things don't stay exactly as we want them to. For example, 17 isn't my baby anymore. She's graduating high school tomorrow, and she will be leaving for WVU in the fall. 15 just got her permit to drive, so she's no longer my baby either. And friendships that you think will last, don't.

Life keeps moving. That's the lesson my kids are learning this month. Like Ferris said, life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Enjoy the time you have with your friends and your family. As morbid or maudlin as this sounds, you never know when it'll be your last time with them. So hug your kids, your parents, your friends, even crazy old Aunt Sally. In not too long a time, they will be gone, whether it's off to college, off to a new job or worst case scenario, gone from your life for good.

Yeah, I'm just a big old all of sunshine today, right? Well, I did warn you with the title of this post. But don't worry about me. I promise I will be out of this funk and back to bitching about stupid people soon enough. For now, I'm going to go home and hug my kids and my dogs and get my  house cleaned up for the graduation tomorrow. Send Kleenex. And wine.

Another Giveaway! Seriously.

Another giveaway? YES! I was compensated for this post but YOU get the prize!! Warner Brothers has some cool new videos to show you and they want to give you the chance at winning one of 5 mystery toy gift baskets, each worth at least $50!

First, check out these great new videos from DCKids and Warner Bros' new You-Tube channels. There will be a ton of updates over the next few months so be sure to subscribe to their channels using the following links:

DCKids Channel

WBKids Channel

BATMAN UNLIMITED:

DC SUPER FRIENDS: 

  SCOOBY-DOO!

 And here's the Rafflecopter for you to enter the giveaway to win one of 5 mystery toy baskets!
Enter today then go over to the You-Tube and watch some cool videos.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 
I was compensated for this post but the opinions expressed are all my own. So there.

I wanna be YOUR brand ambassador, you chocolate makers!

Hey Godiva! Listen up because I'm only going to say this about 337,234 times: I LOVE YOUR PRODUCT! Seriously, I don't just 'enjoy a bite' every now and again. I want to immerse myself in your deluxe chocolately goodness. I wanna surround myself with your golden ballotins and swim in your velvety caramels. Seriously, I love your stuff. If you're not listening, let me try Hershey's.

Hey, Hershey's! Did you hear me? I LOVE CHOCOLATE and I'm not afraid to beg for it. I'm looking for brands to promote and you won't go wrong by offering me tons and tons of free product. I promise! There are literally tens of readers of mine who would enjoy seeing me covered in your Special Dark wrappers, or diving into a pool of your Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. Come on, don't make me beg! I'll kiss you for Kisses.

Hey, Cadbury! I've loved your eggs since birth. As a teenager I got through every monthly cycle with the assistance of Pamprin and your Dairy Milk Chocolate bars. Seriously, without that creamy brown goodness, many deaths would've occurred. So how about it? Offer me the chance to be your brand ambassador and you won't be sorry.

I'm looking at you, Ghiardelli. Don't think I'm not above begging you folks for samples of your yummy square brown goodness. Because I'm not. So seriously, call me!

Sure, I'll break out in pre-menopausal acne, possibly gain 79 pounds and have to buy a whole new wardrobe, but then I can ask Lane Bryant to be THEIR brand ambassador. Totally a win-win!!

Win a Blue-Ray/DVD combo pack copy of American Sniper!!

WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!!!!

Alicia Taylor and Shay Trashay are the lucky winners of the Blue-Ray/DVD copies thanks to Random.org!!
Ladies see the replies to your comments below and email me at terib19 @ gmail dot com (put that all together) with your mailing addresses!! Congrats!!

Now don't forget, if you didn't win, you can still purchase your copy of American Sniper, and Warner Bros will donate $1 of every DVD sold to the Wounded Warrior Project! Thanks everyone!

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Hey Snarklings, I'm teaming up with Grace Hill Media to giveaway 2 copies of the movie American Sniper, released TODAY!! Check out this extra from the film:


 I've got 2 Blue-Ray/DVD copies of American Sniper to give to two lucky Snarklings!! Here's all you have to do. Leave me a comment below telling me what your favorite movie is. That's it! Could be a comedy, drama, romance, war movie, cartoon, (no porn please) whatever your favorite movie is, tell me in the comments. And on Friday I will announce the 2 lucky winners!!

Here's the really COOL part: Warner Brothers is donating $1 of every copy of American Sniper sold to the Wounded Warrior Project. I've done 2 Tough Mudders and am proud to promote this fantastic organization.

So go ahead, leave me a comment with your favorite movie and you could win one of  two copies of the film!

If for some reason you are having trouble commenting with your name and email and it shows up as "Anonymous" make sure you leave your name IN THE COMMENT so I can count you!!

Why COPD Can Kiss My Ass....

I never even knew what COPD was until my Mom's diagnosis a few years back. I wish I had never heard of it. It's a vicious, evil diagnosis. And it's slowly killing her.

She's always been a feisty one, my Mom has. Active, slim, always busy, always running from point A to point B. Growing up, she hated driving, so she walked everywhere. Grocery store, bank, 5 & 10, if she had errands to run, she walked there. I remember when I got my drivers license, she pretty much stopped driving and relied on me to take her where she needed to go if it wasn't in walking distance. She was never one to sit still.

A smoker from the age of 13, she has no one to blame but herself. Years and years of smoking have taken a terrible toll on her lungs. She now has 30% lung capacity. Go get a straw out of your pantry. Now put it in your mouth and try to breathe through the straw. Forever. That's how my Mom's COPD is now.

This past weekend I went up to visit with Mom in New Jersey. On Saturday, we walked from her apartment to a little breakfast place about a block from where she lives. When we got back, I took her out grocery shopping, and when we got back from the store, I took her to church. Those 3 tasks completely wiped her out for the day. Thanks, COPD. Thanks for slowly destroying my Mom's life. She struggles to breathe in the hot weather, she struggles to breathe after a trip down the hall to the trash chute in her building. She struggles to breathe when getting into and out of the car. She's on oxygen 24/7/365. She'll miss my daughter's high school graduation because she's paralyzed with the fear that her oxygen will run out and she won't be able to breathe.

COPD, or Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease is an ugly, awful disease and it's slowly taking my Mother away from me, one breath at a time. I don't know how many more Mothers Days we'll have left to celebrate together, but I will cherish every moment I spend with her, every phone call, every precious minute I can get. This disease will eventually take her from me. But my Mom's such a fighter, she won't go easily. She'll struggle, she'll battle, she'll fight to breathe. Until she can't breathe any longer.

I thank God every day that she doesn't have cancer from all the years of smoking. But make no mistake, I hate COPD with a passion, because it's slowly, painfully taking my Mom away from me. So if you are reading this and you are a smoker, for the love of God please stop. The minutes of pleasure you get from smoking now will eventually lead to pain, struggle, suffering for both you and your loved ones down the road.

Happy Mothers Day, Mom. I love you and I wish I could breathe for you. 

Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee

Here we go!!! This book is NOW ON SALE!! I'm very excited to be a part of this great collaboration of stories compiled from the lessons we've learned from our mothers! My story is one of realization, of surprise to learn that she was right after all! Moms are pretty smart, and mine is pretty freaking awesome. I can't wait to give her a copy of this book. 

How about you? Do you know someone amazing who loves to laugh, cry and enjoy a great book? This will make a fantastic Mother's Day gift, so order now!

Buy it on Kindle here.

Buy it in paperback here.

Want a signed copy??? I'd be happy to sign and send you a copy. Also, if you buy it from me, you get a free Snarkfest bookmark at no extra charge!! Just click this link and fill in the details!

Share this post with someone you think would enjoy reading this book and when you've read it, please feel free to leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads. Trust me, it helps more than you know!

Offense: Is it Taken or is it Given?

The internet: It's chock full of information. There is happiness and sadness. It can be a wonderful tool for keeping in touch, keeping in contact with family and friends. And it can be a source of anger and ire where arguments abound. The internet is not to be entered into lightly. A thick skin is a must.

Borrowed from FB Troublemakers. Or Rebel Circus. Hard to tell. Either way, I thank them.

Wow, that's pretty deep stuff for a sarcastic humor blogger, isn't it? Yes, yes it is. And I AM a sarcastic blogger. I rant, I curse, some would say I'm offensive at times. But am I? Do I offend or is it that things I say are taken to heart by sensitive people whose feelings are easily hurt?

It has not now nor has it ever been my intention to hurt anyone's feelings. But sometimes it happens. Sometimes I may say something to offend. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's not. I have a tendency to speak first (okay, type first) and I don't actually THINK about whether what I say could be offensive to someone out there reading my stuff. It's part of my quick wit, I can't help it. But do I intend my words to be offensive? No, I don't. But are they? Yep, apparently, they are.

Take for example, a post made by my friends and fellow authors at the blog It's Really 10 Months. Before Easter, they posted something on their Facebook page about non-traditional Easter basket goodies. If you don't want the Easter Bunny to bring candy, what other items would you suggest. Me, in all my sarcastic wit, jokingly suggested:  "Crack, guns and some clean needles." 27 people 'liked' that comment. One simply posted "not funny" which I totally get. I'm not everyone's cup of cocoa. One person, however, took HUGE offense, replying:  "That's not funny, snarkfest. is that what you give out? Im happy im not related to you."  (HER typos, not mine. Everyone knows 'Snarkfest' is ALWAYS capitalized)

Seriously, people. It. Was. A. Joke. And for the record, I'm glad I'm not related to her either. Typos like that make me itchy. Did I set out to intentionally piss her off? Nope. Did she take offense? Yep. Was that my intention? Nope. Should I care that one person got a hair up her ass over a post I made? If I did, I'd then have to censor everything that came out of my mind. I don't want to have to do that.

Again, I borrowed this from Facebook. Don't sue me

I have another friend who wrote a post about how important it is for businesses to use correct grammar and punctuation. The post, 'Trust me -- it DOES matter..." was a very well-written piece but contained the term "Grammar Nazi". We joked about whether or not some overly sensitive folks would be offended by the term Grammar Nazi. I'm half Jewish on my Dad's side. Should I take offense to that term? No, because in MY opinion, there's nothing offensive about it.

But again, that's MY opinion. I'm entitled to that opinion. EVERYONE is entitled to their own opinion, that's what makes America a great country. If we lose our right to an opinion, the terrorists win... or something like that.

My point is,  people are going to take offense to anything and everything. It's human nature. But do I set out to BE offensive? No. I don't GIVE offense. My friend Fiona, when discussing this issue, told me this: "Offense is taken, not given." And she's 1000% correct.

People like Howard Stern,  Lisa Lampanelli, Andrew Dice Clay and Daniel Tosh are not everyone's cup of tea. If you are offended by something that they say, then don't watch/listen/read. They speak, but not everyone is offended. Some are amused and entertained. But some don't enjoy dick jokes. Those people take offense. They TAKE OFFENSE. But does that mean that those comedians shouldn't say the things they say? NO, because we live in America, land of free speech. If you don't like something that you hear/see but it's not actually causing physical harm to anyone: change the channel.  It's simple really.

I'm going to end with this: I've used the term 'fucktard' a lot. It is NOT a term I use to mock those with Downs Syndrome. It has NOTHING to do with Downs Syndrome. It has everything to do with people being complete and total assholes on a lower than low scale. Some may find it offensive. I can't help that. But my friend who has a son with Downs Syndrome laughs her ass off when I use that term. I've used it to describe her pig scumbag of an ex-husband (actually, comparing her ex-husband to a pig is probably offensive to pigs. Sorry, pigs). So I'm using her, one of my best friends, as a gauge. If she, a mother of a son with Downs Syndrome, takes no offense to my using that term, that's good enough for me. If others take offense to the term, that's not on me. I'm not GIVING it, they are taking it.

If you have stuck with me through this post and will continue to enjoy my stuff, then I thank you. If you have read this blog post and have taken offense to any part of it, then I suggest you and I part ways, because if I censor myself to avoid anyone taking offense, then I am not being true to myself. I don't lie, it's not who I am.

If you have enjoyed my writing, but don't like this particular post, come back tomorrow, when I may have something completely unoffensive to say. That's the beauty of the internet.