My girls missed the bus today. Here's why I'm glad....

It's no secret that I've had issues with my girls missing the school bus in the morning. The damn thing stops directly in front of my house every single morning. Directly. In front. Of my house. It's not like they even have to walk a block to the bus stop. The drivers could only make it more convenient if they called my house as they were entering my development to give us a 5 minute warning. And yet, my girls continue to miss the bus. Today, however, upon further reflection, I'm happy my girls missed the bus.

"Why?" you may ask. "Why all of a sudden are you HAPPY that both your girls missed the bus, Snarky? Have you fallen and hit your head again?"

No, I haven't. But thanks for asking.

While I was in the shower, I did some thinking. That's where I do a LOT of my thinking for blog post ideas. I have NO idea why, but that's usually where the light bulb goes off over my head. Kinda dangerous if you ask me, light bulbs in the shower, but whatever. I digress.

If my girls missing the school bus is the worst problem I have to deal with, I'm pretty damn lucky, aren't I? They missed the bus. Not because they were out getting drunk at a party last night. They weren't. Not because we were having a huge fight in my house. We weren't. Not because they are so unhappy that they've run away from home. They haven't. Not because they are on drugs and I couldn't rouse them. They aren't.

Getting the picture?

My girls are healthy. Some kids aren't. Some kids are in the hospital, waiting for an organ transplant. Or going through chemotherapy. Or suffer from anxiety issues. Or a million other things. My girls were just tired and didn't wake up quickly enough to get on the bus. Why? Because they were up talking 'til some ridiculous hour. I was already asleep long before they headed to their own rooms and went to sleep.

They have each other. They rely on each other. When they were younger, they made my life HELL because they did nothing but fight. Now, the fighting has all but disappeared, and has been replaced with late night chats in one of their rooms, behind closed doors. Sometimes I'm invited in. Sometimes I'm not. But they have each other. And they're happy. And they're healthy. And I'm the luckiest mom. Because they could've missed the bus because of drug addiction, alcohol abuse, health issues, abusive boyfriend issues, mental issues or about a thousand other reasons that other parents deal with. No, I'm lucky because my girls missed the bus because they were tired from spending time talking to each other too late into the night.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still annoyed that they missed the bus. But I have to think that it could always be much worse.

What's a mother to do??

So most of you know my ongoing saga. Every morning it's the same thing. Will they or won't they? Did they get up? Are they still in bed? Have 15 & 12 made the school bus today? Or is Teri in a bad mood again? Since the beginning of middle school, when the buses come an hour and a half earlier than they used to when 15 & 12 were in elementary school, I've been fighting a losing battle. The battle of the bus. Cue the John Williams soundtrack and imagine me, in my ninja suit, standing in the middle of my subdivision fighting the evil forces of the big yellow bus?

No. Picture instead, me in my jammies standing at the foot of 15's bed nagging at her to get up. Then picture me heading into 12's room and nagging HER to get up. This would be 6:05. And then 6:10. Then I go downstairs to channel my inner Chef Bobby Flay as I whip together a gourmet PB&J for lunch. Then at 6:20 I head back upstairs again, to ONCE AGAIN try to rouse my sleeping babies.

This is a daily occurrence, a battle I'm growing ever-weary of fighting. And yet, I carry on, knowing that one day, my children will be out of my house and leading their own lives and mom won't be there to get their lazy asses out of bed. I just have to pray they will be able to make it to college classes on time without me there to nag them into awakeness. I am NOT helicopter mom. I am NOT sweet, kind, nurturing mom. By 6:35 I'm screaming bitchy mom, pissed off that my kids can't get to bed early when I nag them at night to go to bed.

They are up in their rooms by 9:45 or 10:00 at night and then I go into my own bed, hoping that everyone will soon be dreaming of happy wake ups, and when I get up to pee at midnight, which I am apt to do most nights, 15 is farting around in the bathroom and 12 is in her room going over the latest Bop pull out poster of Niall Horan (the blond Irish boy from One Direction, stay with me). REALLY??? Here is where I get mad at them. Here is where I start threatening. But the threats fall on deaf ears. Because, of course, they know better than I do that they'll get up in the morning when I want them to get up. Silly me for even THINKING they'll give me a problem in the morning. What kind of cranky bitch-ass mom am I? These are my darling children, they'd never lie, they'll go right to sleep and wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed for me in the morning and make time for breakfast and make it on the school bus on time. And then unicorns being ridden by fairies and soft, fluffy bunnies will come flying out of my ass.

And then the alarm goes off. And the frustration starts. I've tried pouring water on them to get them out of bed (ooooh how they hate that and, in turn, they hate ME for doing that. Puts 'em in a pissy mood every time!). I've tried using an air horn. The dogs are useless because they jump on the beds, try to kiss the girls awake, the girls pull covers over their heads and the dogs give up. The girls are just too tired to get up.

Now, I hear great tips, wonderful advice from my friends all the time: Let them walk to school, let them ride their bike to school, let the miss school. But here's the downside to all of those great ideas. It's just not always possible. 15's school is 11 miles away on twisty, windy country roads with no shoulders. She'd start walking to school and get hit by a tractor or a deer and I'd miss her very much. 12 actually CAN walk to school but we have no sidewalks for this walk so she's walking in traffic.  If my kids have 5 unexcused absences in one marking period, the STATE will take my ass to court. Not my kids, they're off scott free, but MY ass gets hauled to court. I must be an awful mother if I can't get my children to school on time each day.

They KNOW that mom is there to drive them, to fall back on should they miss the bus (should they? 15's missed the damn bus more than she's made it and we're not even out of effing September yet!) They know I'm their backup. And yes, I'm guilty of being their backup. But what else am I going to do? Get taken to court for not taking them to school?

So I open the floor for suggestions. Please don't offer silly suggestion, like 'oh you should run away!' because I've already tried that. They found me and dragged me back. And please don't say 'Don't drive them, let them walk', because, well, see that paragraph above the booze. I'm looking for new, refreshing ideas. I've charged them money, and now they're broke. I've taken away phone, television priviledges, computer time, HOMECOMING, grounded them. If anyone suggests REWARDING them for making the bus, please send me money to pay them.

Seriously, people, what would you do? Anyone have any fresh, scathingly brilliant ideas that haven't been brought up before? Anyone?