Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 16 and 14. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

People I'd kick out of the country if I could



I'm creating my own country. That country will now and forever be referred to as Snarkopolis. If I had the power to kick people out of my country, for any reason I wanted, here's my list. I don't know why I'm in an ass-kicking mood, but I am, and it's my blog. If you don't agree and want to keep any or all of these people, create your own country, start a blog and make your own list of people you'd keep. Here goes:

Kanye West: I can't even believe there's even ROOM in his house for Kim and the baby in that house due to the size of his overwhelmingly large ego. (and I don't care WHAT you say, I don't, for one moment, believe they really named their kid Northwest. I think it's some bullshit story they fed to the media for attention. Because they are attention whores).

Kim Kardashian: (actually any of the Kardashians) Again, ego being the first reason. The second, and even more important reason I'd kick her (them) out of my country is because not a single one of them have a single redeeming quality among them. They are media whores. They do no good for anyone but themselves, and they make me ill. Heck I'm not a big fan of Angelina Jolie but you have to give her props, she does take care of the children in third world countries and bring attention to their plight. She's using her powers for good instead of greed. So Kim, you're out. Buh-bye.

Justin Bieber: He's a punk. He spits on fans. I don't care what he does for charity, his actions overshadow any good he's done. So bye-bye Bieber, you're outta here too.

Carole Kane/Rosie Perez/Bernadette Peters: All of these actresses may be amazing, may do wonderful things for charity, and may one day cure cancer (who knows?) but their voices in my ears are like shattered glass under the nails that are scraping down a chalk board. So the three of them are officially out. See ya.

Pauly Shore: Never liked him. He's annoying and stupid and I want him out. I could never sit through an entire 5 minute span of any of his movies, so he's gotta go.

Tim McCarver: Sorry Tim, I loved you when you were a catcher with the Phillies, but that was a hundred years ago. Now you're a sports announcer and not just A sports announcer but one of THE most annoying sports announcers in the history of the game of baseball. You state the obvious as if we were all a room full of 2 year olds, and it's just offensive. So to quote the great Harry Kalas (now THAT was one high class sports commentator) "You're outta here!!!"

The whole Honey Boo-Boo family: I feel sorry for the film crew that has to follow this family around night and day documenting their every move. Who the hell decided that this was entertainment? I'm sorry but the show offers no positive contributions to society and they should all be taken off TV and kicked out of my country.

Seth Gold from Hardcore Pawn: He's such a bully! Seriously, your dad owns the shop, dude, stop being such a douchebag to him and to your sister. I'll admit, Ashley's no picnic but she's your sister. Have some respect for your family. Assbag. Get the hell out of here.

The Discovery Channel executive who decided to give the ax to Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe: Do I even have to explain myself here? I don't think so. Get out, you're fired. And deported. You're lucky I don't kick your sorry ass off the planet.

The A&E executives who decided to give the ax to The Glades without at least filming the series finale: Come on, guys, you film the wedding day, you film Jim getting shot and lying on the floor of the new home he bought as a surprise for him and Callie, and then you chop the show? Really? You're to even going to throw us a bone and film an ending? You probably kick puppies and torture baby kittens too, you worthless sacks of shit. Sayonara.

Alex Rodriguez: Sorry, toots, but me think you dost protest too mucheth. You've got really pretty eyes but no amount of your consistent whining and crying will ever convince me that you didn't dope up. So take yourself, your pretty eyes and your crybaby ass and get out. And take the rest of the Yankees with you. 

Bill O'Reilly/Nancy Grace: I've told you before I don't get into politics, but these two are just assholes. I don't hate them for political reasons, I hate them because they are smarmy know-it-alls and if there's one thing I won't tolerate in my country, it's a smarmy know-it-all. So out you go.

Alright, the list could go on forever but I'm going to be late for work (yes, we royals have to work too, ya know). Would you defend anyone on this list and beg me to let them stay? Who would you add to the list? Why? Come on, folks, share!








20 comments:

  1. LOVE THIS!!!! Especially Pauly Shore!

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  2. May I pack my bags and live in your country? I promise to bring good tidings and baked goods. Although, despite their rough around the edges exterior, I have gotten somewhat fond of the Honey Boo Boo clan. Their wacky family life is harmless and sometimes even a little positive. The Bearded Iris, aka Leslie Marinelli did a fabulous blog post on them a year ago. She totally changed my outlook. Okay, that's all.

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    1. You had me at baked goods and good tidings. Come on over!

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  3. :) I have a few to add to the list :) But I could totally live in Snarkopolis

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  4. completely agree with your list!!!! I HATE kanye west serioulsy HATE him... oh and you can kick the cast of teen mom out too!

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  5. You are already a Sultanette, so it's only natural that you have your own Sultanettedom.

    ESPN suck Swamp Donkey Ass. Throw every damn one them (ESPN 2, ESPN 3 ESPN, Meskin Sports, etc) out of the country!

    Except for actual sporting events like football and baseball.

    Otherwise...toss the Sons of Motherless Goats!

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  6. I really think I just fell in love with you. :-)

    I'm moving in. Let's rule together!

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    Replies
    1. We'll take over the world and get rid of all the assbags!

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  7. This is a great list. Your new country will be awesome. I didn't know about the cancellation of Dirty Jobs, but I'm not surprised. They had a great, long run. I'm sorry to see it go, mostly because it was one of the few shows I could watch with my young kids, but we watched hundreds of episodes, it seemed.

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    1. Brian, that was one show that the whole family could watch and enjoy and we were sad to see it go. (well, me more than anyone else)

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  8. You're in my head! Right there with you about Dirty Jobs and The Glades. I do believe when I found out that Glades was canceled, I was on FB raising hell, something like... Who shot Jim? Thanks to A&E, we will never know!

    And yes, yes, yes... Mike Rowe. Love him.

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    1. Your post made me decide to tweet Matt Passmore and ask HIM who HE thinks shot his Glades character. I'll keep you posted!

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  9. Speaking of the Kar-trashians, I had the misfortune of dealing with Pimp-Mama Kris the other day at work. She was there with her other asshole-in-law, Scott Disick. It took everything I had in me not to ask her how she felt about Bruce becoming a more attractive woman than she is...
    P.S. I told her you said, "Hi."

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    Replies
    1. Oh good! I'm glad you gave her my best! I'm sorry you had to deal with her again. What an assbag she is.

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