Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures: A Review

Since I received such good feedback on my first book report, I'm doing another one! How about that? This time, I'm reviewing Amber Dusick's hot new book, Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures and let me tell you, this book is not just funny. Not just amusing. This book is hilarious!
Now, I'm not going to lie to you. I just switched over from only DVD's on Netflix to also being able to stream movies/TV shows, so for me to take a break from watching the first full season of Bones, this book HAS to be awesome!!

Let's get one thing clear: I love the Crappy Family. Crappy Papa is awesome. (Except, of course, when he's sick, then he really IS Crappy Papa). One of my all-time favorite parts of this book was when the Crappy family went on a Crappy vacation and Crappy Boy had to pee and poop. The image of Crappy Papa holding Crappy Boy, barefoot, in the rain, in an alfalfa field while Crappy Boy became a pee and poop fountain had my sides hurting.

Dusick takes on all aspects of Crappy Parenting, from nursing to protecting your Crappy children from germs, from sickness to sleeping (or not), from the bad stuff to the good stuff, she covers it all in this book and I promise you, you will not regret buying and reading it. Have I ever lied to you before? Trust me, this shit's funny, and you need to buy it.

Know what else is funny? I Just Want to Pee Alone. THAT is also funny and well worth your time. So head on over to Amazon.com and check them both out. Buy them both or enter for a chance to WIN both of these fine and funny books along with a free download of the upcoming book, Parenting Gag Reel, scheduled for release on April 2. Check out my contest for more details on this giveaway!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

I'm practically GIVING it away!!

Now's your chance to win not one, not two, but three awesome prizes!! Not only am I giving away ANOTHER signed copy of the hilarious new book, I Just Want to Pee Alone, but I'm ALSO giving away a copy of Amber Dusick's hysterical new book Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures. But wait, that's not all. You can ALSO win a download (for Kindle or Nook) of the new book Parenting Gag Reel which is coming out April 2. It's the 4th in the Life Well Blogged series.

That's one contest with 3 awesome prizes!!




This is my first giveaway ever using Rafflecopter, so shout out to the cool folks over there at Rafflecopter for their cool (and free) widget! Tell your friends, tell your mom, tell your Aunt Tillie! And you can enter each day by commenting and tweeting, just follow the directions on the Rafflecopter widget for your chance daily. The contest is open until April 8 at 12:00 a.m. so keep those comments and entries coming. I will draw 1 winner for all three prizes! Good luck, Snarklings!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Monday, March 25, 2013

Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot: My first book report in years!

I haven't actually done a book report since school. I wasn't all that great with them back then but I'm hoping that I've improved with age, like a fine Merlot. Speaking of Merlot (how's that for a segue?) I have just finished reading the first book by author Carolyn Coppola called Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot. You know me, if there's wine in the title, how can it be wrong? And I have to say, I was NOT disappointed. Quite the contrary, I was genuinely entertained! Carolyn takes stories from her life and writes them in such a way that you feel you're there with her, sitting around the table with her friends drinking Grey Goose martinis. This is not your average run of the mill series of short blogs by a 'mommy blogger' (God I hate that term, it makes me wanna hurl). No, Carolyn doesn't actually have a blog about her kids or her family. No, instead, she has a blog about her basset hound, Leo. And he's quite the sweetie.

Carolyn had me when I read her chapter The Elephant in My Purse. It's so easy to feel inadequate around your friends when your lives take much different paths, but it all came home when she realized that her path wasn't any less exciting or amazing than that of her friends, it was just as satisfying.

Her son's correct use of the words "Fucka bitch" at such an early age nearly had me peeing in my pants. I love that she doesn't just give you the brief Cliff's Notes version of things, she gives you the back story and the details that other current books lack. She goes for quality of story over brevity for the sake of getting more chapters in. And I loved it.

The chapter called "Fancy Pants" was like reading a page right out of my world with picky children and picking your battles. She's not afraid to be honest, even if it means you get to hear about her three breasts, her breastfeeding bag that she tried to pass off as her daughter's backpack, and her penchant for purchasing shiny silver jewelry that she'll probably never, ever wear. Her style of writing is real and honest and absolutely hilarious. If you're looking for a book that will make you think, make you laugh and make you realize that you are not alone, pick up Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot.



Friday, March 22, 2013

Parents, this is all your fault. I hope you're happy.

Yes, that's what the principal of a middle school in Ipswich, Massachusetts is calling it. Parents who don't provide enough support at home for their children, this is the reason he's canceling Honors Night for the Middle School. "The Honors Night, which can be a great sense of pride for the recipients' families, can also be devastating to a child who has worked extremely hard in a difficult class, but who, despite growth, has not been able to maintain a high grade-point average." This is the quote from Ipswich Middle School principal David Fabrizio. He went on to say that he decided to make the change because 'academic success can be influenced by the amount of support a student receives at home and not all students receive the same level of emotional and academic support at home.'

What?? What kind of BULLSHIT is that? Devastating?? That's not just any old bullshit. That right there is a steaming, heaping pile of the smelliest bullshit I've ever seen. We are raising such a new generation of overly-sensitive freaking babies because instead of TEACHING kids that if you TRY, you get better results, we teach them to sit back and the world will hold your hand, there is no need to try because the world OWES you everything. GOD it makes me insane. I HATE that this world is giving children such an overwhelming sense of entitlement!

What in the HELL is wrong with society these days?? I'm so freaking sick of the 'everyone plays, everyone gets a medal, we are all equal in all things' frame of mind. If a child does well, he/she should be rewarded. This is NOT rewarding the child who excels academically, it's punishing them. It's saying 'why bother? why try hard to achieve good grades? what good will it do? you're no more special than the kid who's getting B's and C's.' Well I'm sorry, but that just sucks. If my child does poorly in school, it is NOT because they aren't getting support from her parents. How about this: I have two children. One is currently getting straight A's and one is struggling a little bit and not achieving all A's. Do I love my straight A student more? Do I give her more support at home? No, I freaking DON'T. I give both my kids the same amount of love and support, equally. Does one deserve to be on the honor roll? Abso-freaking-lutely! Should she be celebrated for her academic achievements? HELLS YEAH! Does the other one try hard? Yes, she really does try. But is she going to be scarred for life because she doesn't make the honor roll or get the accolades for busting her ass and doing well? No, she's not. Because she is NOT defined by her grades.

What's going to be next? Are they going to STOP awarding academic scholarships because kids who don't have the good grades may feel bad?? Will they stop awarding athletic scholarships because it might make those less than stellar athletes feel incompetent? Oh my God come ON! That is EXACTLY where we are headed if we continue to baby this generation of kids. If you achieve greatness, you SHOULD be celebrated. You MERIT the accolades! You deserve it, sweet cheeks! But you should NOT be punished by having Honors Night taken away because of how devastating it could be to those who fall short of those achievements. I'm sorry, but that is just complete and total bullshit. What kind of message are we sending to our children? That it's okay to be mediocre?? GAH!!!! NO, it's NOT okay. STRIVE to do your best! If you fall short, TRY HARDER!!

Monday, March 18, 2013

WINNER!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WINNER OF THE BOOK!!! 



Thanks to everyone who participated in the contest! The winner of the book I Just Want to Pee Alone, as drawn by using Custom Random Number Generator, is DEBBIE BROOKHART!! Debbie, please email me at terib19 @ gmail dot come to give me your info so that I can send you a signed (by me) copy of the book!!


Friday, March 15, 2013

My not-so-secret crush on Mike Rowe

Anyone who knows me knows I have a huge crush on a certain former host of a show on Discovery Channel that may have had something to do with doing jobs that are dirty. I love the sound of his voice when he talks about Ford vehicles, Viva paper towels or Medi-Gap pharmacies. (ok that's an old one). I love that he never seems to take himself too seriously. I love that he's so self-deprecating. I'd enjoy sitting down (maybe on his lap) and having a beer with him. Maybe 6. And I'd love to have the opportunity to prove to my husband, once and for all, that Mike Rowe is not gay.
Dirty, hot man courtesy of his FB page.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. If he was gay, I'd be totally okay with that. Sure my heart would be broken over the fact that, should the possibility ever arise that I DID meet him in person and we had the chance to play hide the salami, he'd prefer my husband's salami over mine. But eventually, I'd get over it. Maybe. Probably. Whatever. My point is, my husband has been insistent, ever since we became acquainted with the delicious Mike Rowe, that he's gay. This is his argument:

Mike Rowe:
Sang opera in the days before his notorious gig on QVC. (that doesn't make him gay)
Close to 50 years old and still single. (that means NOTHING!)
Lives in San Francisco. (ok shut up)
You never see him with a woman. (his sweetie-by-the-bay likes her privacy, so sue her!)

That list is SO unfairly stereotypical. SO WHAT if he sang opera, lives in San Francisco and is still single. If we're going to go that route, would a gay man EVER allow himself to be covered in mud, coal dust, bat guano, garbage, slime or bird crap? I'm telling you, this man is hard, rugged, sexy and definitely hetero. He's messy, he wears baseball caps (I've never seen a gay man wear a baseball cap), he's NEVER mentioned RuPaul's Drag Race on ANY episode of Dirty Jobs OR Deadliest Catch. So please, darling husband, let me have my fantasy.

Just look at this guy:

Photo courtesy of Mike Rowe's FB Page


How sexy is that picture? And the best part? Those flies buzzing around his head? Apparently MANY of them ended up in his mouth. Not by HIS choice, but seriously, how manly is he? He discusses it in one of the many posts he makes on his Facebook page. I love that he's a down to earth kinda guy. I've been stalking him following his career for a long time now, and I've never heard a bad word spoken about him. He is most definitely on my list. Come on, you know the list. You have one too. And so does your spouse/significant other/life partner. and Mike is high up on my list.

So Mike, if you're in the area, and are looking for a nice game of hide the salami, my husband will let me out to play. Unless you'd prefer my husband's salami. Then we'd have to negotiate.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Bestsellers? Can we do it???

Like Bob the Builder says: YES WE CAN!!! Or was that Obama? I always get them confused. But one thing I know for sure, we are currently (as of this morning) sitting at #1 on Amazon.com's Bestseller list for Parenting & Families Humor! AND #2 on their Bestsellers in Humor Essays!


Screenshot courtesy of Amazon.com




Screenshot courtesy of Amazon.com


Our Goal now is now to capture the attention of the big dogs of book reviews That's right,  we've got our sights a bit higher than where we are now. We're hungry and we want to go GLOBAL!! And we need YOUR help!! IF you've read the book PLEASE let your friends know, family, post man, garbage collector, McDonald's cashier, anyone you can think of. Put the word out! Shout it from the rooftops!! (but be careful, it's dangerous up there). And leave us a review on Amazon.com. The more people who know this book is out there and who buy it, the better are chances are of making it to the BIG GAME!!

If you haven't yet had the chance to order it, please go to my BUY THE PEE BOOK page and order yourself a copy! Or just click on that little Amazon link on the right side of the page with the cover of the book on it. You guys are awesome!

One last thing before I leave you! Don't forget to subscribe to Snarkfest via the Email Subscription box on the right or read this page for more details!! I'm giving away a signed copy of the book to one lucky Snarkfest subscriber! And leave me a comment telling me you're a subscriber! I love hearing from you guys.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

They're always after me Lucky Charms!



Got a quickie over at The Epistolarians. Ya gotta ask yourself one questions: are ya feelin' lucky, punk? Well are ya? I am. Go have a look at my blog post there and tell me what YOU'RE feelin' lucky about!


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Garbo!

Photo courtesy of IMDB.com
Greta Garbo was beautiful AND smart! If she was alive today, I suspect she'd buy the book and LOVE it.

Don't forget about the contest! Subscribe to Snarkfest and leave me a comment on yesterday's post and you're entered to win a signed copy of the book I Just Want to Pee Alone.

Disclaimer: This book is signed ONLY by me.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Want to Win a FREE COPY of the Book??

How about 3?? That's right, I'm giving away 3 signed copies of the new book I'm in called I Just Want to Pee Alone! Here are the details. You love the Snark, or you wouldn't be here in the first place, am I right? So how about receiving Snarkfest in your email whenever I post a blog? Now you folks know how freaking lazy I am, so you don't have to worry about Snark Overload in your inbox. You know I'm lucky if I post 3 times a week. So do you see that little box over there on the right that says Subscribe via Email? It looks like this:



Ok all you need to do is type your email address in, click the "Subscribe" button,  then check your email for a link to verify that you want to subscribe. THAT'S IT!! Easy as pie!! If you are ALREADY subscribed by email, guess what! You're in!! The only other thing I ask is that everyone who either subscribes or is already subscribed leave me a comment under THIS blog post that says "Snarkfest, I love you, you're the best thing ever and I will bake you chocolate brownies for life!" Or something like that. You could also say "I'm subscribed, gimme my book". That's fine too. Either way, if you leave me a comment AND are a Snarkfest subscriber, YOU ARE ENTERED to win one of 3 signed copies of this awesome and thoroughly hilarious book, I Just Want to Pee Alone!




Don't wait! Subscribe and comment today! Or if you're subscribed, comment and tell me that! The 3 winners will be drawn one week from today on Monday, March 18. Good luck, my little Snarklings!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Wanna see something cool?

How about this?
#1 Hot New Releases in Parenting & Families Humor!!

#1 Hot New Releases in Humor

#1 Hot New Releases in Humor Essays

How exciting is this???? I'm so proud and excited to be a part of this book with these amazing, hysterical ladies. If you haven't already bought the book, please don't wait! You can see all of your options here at this link. The book is now available on Amazon in paperback or Kindle, on iTunes, and through Smashwords.com for Nook, Kobo or Sony Reader. You can read all the great reviews that the book has gotten here on Amazon's review page. Looks like it's a hit! What are you waiting for?

And please, once you've read the book, go back and leave us a review on that same page on Amazon.com!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Ready to pee yourself???

Attention all Snarklings, Snarkfesters and general fans of the Snark. The time is NOW, the book is READY!!!! You can now BUY THE PEE BOOK RIGHT NOW!!!!

See the links to pages across the top of my page??? See the one that says BUY THE PEE BOOK???? Go there now! Buy the book!!! Help me put 15 & 13 through college! If you buy the book using any of the links to Amazon on my blog page, I will make a small percentage from the sale of the book so please use my link to purchase if you're getting it through Amazon. I appreciate your business and I hope to God you love the book as much as I do!! I haven't found a story yet that hasn't made me smile, laugh, chuckle and there's even one that made me cry AND laugh at the same time! 

If you buy the book, read it and absolutely LOVE IT, we would greatly appreciate it if you'd go back to Amazon and leave a review of the book. This is really very helpful with sales. If you didn't like it after you've read it, do me a favor. Tell ME, don't go and tell Amazon. That's not going to help put gas in my car to take 15 to school in the mornings when she misses the bus. (like today)

Check this out!! Since the book has been leaked onto Amazon, we've already hit the top 10 Amazon Hot New Releases!
 
Screen shot courtesy of Amazon.com

How freaking cool is that? I'm fairly certain that you're sick and tired of reading this and can't wait to go and order the book and start reading, SO GO!! 
And thank you from the bottom of my snark. 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Pimpin' in a Blizzard

Yo, Snarklings! Here it is, the eve of the 'snowmageddenpocalypse' and I'm giving you some more of the awesome bitches that are included in the pages of I Just Want to Pee Alone with me. I'm telling you right now, you will NOT be disappointed in this book. I've read it. It is hilarious. I'm not just saying that because I'd love it if you'll use the link on my page to purchase it, I'm saying it because it's honestly some funny, funny shit.

First up, the Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Diva tells us about her first (and last) experience with Yoga (Namaste, bitches) with Clearly, At 38, I Am Still Too Immature for Yoga.

Sticking with the yoga theme, the next pimp I'm doing is for Mom of the Year, as she gives us Breaking Down Yoga Pants.  (I'm starting to love this theme).

But let's switch gears because I've got a really funny pimpout in this next blog from Robyn at Hollow Tree Ventures. This one is Puberty Talk Fail and I dare you to read it with a straight face.

And the last one for tonight is Anna at My Life and Kids who tells us about 'My Giant Vasshole and 9 more things that have changes after giving birth' which just cracks me up.

PLEASE go and check out these blogs. I promise you, you will laugh. If you don't, please come back here and let me know. I will speak sharply to the authors.

Stay tuned, the book will be ready soon!!!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Big Pimpin'

Pimping out some more of my fellow collaborators for the new book so you'll have an idea just how funny these chicks are! First up, The Dose of Reality with Lisa and Ashley taking a page RIGHT out of my book with their discussion of the state of their households in For the Love Of God...Use the Back Door.

Next up is the hilarious Bad Parenting Moments, as she discusses the utter joy (NOT) of dining out with small children in Check, please!

One of my very good friends Tracy at Momaical just blows me away every time I read her blog and since I can't decide which of these two is the funniest, I'm going to let YOU, dear Snarklings, be the judge. First up is her new commercial, destined to win a Clio, Shut the Fucupcakes. And, IMO, equally as hilarious, is her description of her trip to the gynecologist with her two daughter in tow. Here is Gynecology Gone Wild!

Here is a gem from Jen at People I Want to Punch in the Throat. Her Valentine to her one true love......Tina Fey, in For My Secret Valentine. One of these days Jen will get to meet her secret girl crush and I hope I'm there to witness it!

Last pimpout of the evening is one from Random Handprints who is on a tirade about the number of bake sales at her kids' school. I leave you with Bake Sale Mania Makes Me a Maniac.

I hope you love these ladies and find them as funny as I do!!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Free kittens and alcoholic beverages!

Now that I have your attention....

So we are literally just a few days away from the release of the book, I Just Want to Pee Alone. The 36 contributors and I are all busy driving Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat absolutely batshit crazy with all our questions. I wouldn't be surprised if she just closed up shop and changed her address and ignored us for the rest of our lives. Or just punched us all in the throat. But she's been just awesome in this whole process and I thank her PROFUSELY!!! Maybe I'll even thank her by giving her my first born!!

Nah, I do love my 15 very much.

Anyway, my point (and I really DO have one) is, I am going to offer the book through Amazon here on the blog for those who want to order it directly from Amazon. It will also be available on the Nook, the Kindle and from iTunes too! However, if you'd like to order a book with a personalized message from me, you can order it directly FROM me using the PayPal thingy. The only thing is, I'm getting ready to order some to have them ready to personalize and mail out, but I have NO clue how many to order up front.

So now I leave this in your hands. I know that some people just want the book and I'm totally okay with that. I LOVE you for that. I wanna have your BABIES for that (no I really don't, but I want you to know how much I appreciate it). But I'm looking for a show of hands, or a ME ME ME for those of you who may want a personalized copy for themselves, their Grandmas and Aunt Hesters. (I really don't recommend giving this book to anyone's Grandmas or Aunt Hesters, there are some pretty serious F bombs being dropped, at least in MY chapter, anyway).

Keep in mind I WILL be doing giveaways to some lucky Snarkfest readers, and to bloggers if they want to do giveaways on their blogs as well. So stay tuned, keep an eye on this page because before you know it, I Just Want to Pee Alone will be ready for your reading pleasure!!