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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

It's Halloween and the Assbags are Out!

My friend Joy from Evil Joy (who really is NOT all that Evil) messaged me this morning on the Book de Face telling me that she was reading an article about this chick who is giving out candy to deserving skinny children this Halloween, and letters to those children whom she deems as obese. Yes, you did read that correctly. She is taking it upon herself to rid the world of obese children, one letter at a time.

Photo of actual letter courtesy of valleynewslive.com
Don't believe me? See the news report and hear it from her own mouth here. I'm flabbergasted. And you know I don't get flabbergasted over just anything. Now, don't get me wrong. I totally believe that her motives are pure. She sees a generation of obese kids being raised, she wants to do something about it. How about giving out APPLES instead of candy, you stupid assbag?? There's a novel idea!! Clementines? Raisins? Yes, you'd be considered 'that house' on Halloween, but your house is less likely to be egged if you hand out fruit than it will if you hand out letters to kids telling them that, in YOUR opinion, they are obese, and therefore, deserve to be singled out and put down. Trust me, if my kid ever received a letter stating that, in someone else's opinion, she was obese, the author of said letter would be receiving a visit from me, my attitude, and my size 8 boot up her ass.

I really do understand where she's coming from, but I think the way she's going about it is beyond ridiculous. I think back to my days as an overweight child. My self-esteem was already in the toilet, and it was bad enough that I heard from my bullying peers that my ass was too big, my stomach was fat, etc. But to be handed a letter from a grown woman telling me almost exactly the same thing is crushing. You're obese and don't deserve candy. Your parents aren't doing enough to raise you to be healthy. All in HER opinion. How is she going to make the determination? Is her front porch secretly a scale? Will she have a BMI chart inside her front door? Who is SHE to judge who should and should not receive candy on Halloween?

You, on the right, here's your Snickers. Sorry, fatty on the left, give this letter to your parents, and then drop and give me 20. Image courtesy abcnews.go.com
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 I'm sorry, this bitch is just asking to have a crowd of angry parents come knocking on her door. In my opinion, she deserves what's no doubt going to be showing up on her front porch.

If she thinks this is such a big problem, then she should hand out healthy snacks to EVERYONE who comes to her door tomorrow night for trick or treat. Set the standard for EVERY child, not just those who she deems overweight or obese.

34 comments:

  1. Whoa. I'm gobsmacked. And have nothing clever to say. But you are absolutely right on. I hope she gets coal in her stocking at Christmas.

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    1. Gobsmacked is a great word. Thanks Frugie!

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  2. Way to ruin a kid's Halloween: "You're FAT! No candy for you." Nice. I'm with you: healthy snacks for all.

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  3. To me, she's just as much a part of the problem. Providing no balance just excess in the form of asshole instead of candy.

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    1. Maybe she had coupons for 'asshole' this year so she stocked up.

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  4. Holy crap! Is this woman for real??? Doesn't this asshat realize how DAMAGING this will be to a child's self image? I feel like tying her down and stuffing her face with mini Snickers bars until she pukes! How dare she do this (says Meno Mama as her chubby self snarfs down her third mini Twix bar of the day...nom nom nom....).

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    1. That would be a waste of mini Snickers, Mama. She doesn't deserve them!

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  5. What a judgmental witch, with a capital B. That is just mean and there is no way about it. If you are that worried, don't hand out candy at all or anything at all. Turn off your lights, lock your doors and just don't be home during trick-or-treat hours. But don't hurt some innocent child's feelings for life because you think you are perfect and now want to inflict your torture on kids.

    I have a size 10 boot (yes, big feet) and I will be glad to help implant it in this woman's backside. Cow....

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    1. Those boots will leave a good impression on her, I'm sure!

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  6. Why not hand out stickers or fun little erasers, or even fun size cheese and crackers or Annie's Fruit Snacks instead of being a big feeling, heavy handed, fat shaming, old battle axe? People have no idea how to mind their own business any more, do they...What kind of cast iron B**** do you have to be to have the brass to put this out in the neighborhood? My friend said she come the next day and put a big sign on her lawn that said "I am very disappointed in your parents for raising such an a**hole."

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    1. Healthy treats are MUCH more appropriate than a fat-shaming letter from an assbag, Sammy! I agree!

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  7. Oh this is 10 kinds of sad. Childhood isn't hard enough being judged by other KIDS, let's let adults judge and ruin a fun holiday. I'm with you, I get where she's coming from, but singling out children like this is NOT the right way. To do anything.

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    1. And you are 10 kinds of correct, Joy!! Good intentions, bad delivery.

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  8. I wish I had found this first! It would be (so far) in 2nd Place for the Dumbass of the Year Award, right behind the guy who stuck a fork in his pee pee for some One Handed Fun.

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    1. Use it, Toby!! I say the more press this assbag gets, the more foolish she looks. Isn't it a great thing that there will NEVER be a shortage of Dumbasses to mock?

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    2. Endless Supply of Dumbasses = We can blog forever!

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  9. I was just reading this and I'm beyond floored. I just told her that I'm up for a good ole' road trip. I would SO LOVE to pay a visit to this waste of oxygen.

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  10. Parents should be able to hand out notes to people like this in return. "Dear Assbag, It takes a village to raise a child, yes - and you are the village idiot. (That's just my opinion, of course.) It is also my opinion that you should be punched in the neck."

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  11. She's an assbag for sure. C'mon, I've got the TP and the eggs. Let's get her. Don't forget your size 8 boots.

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  12. I live on a cul-de-sac that's slightly uphill from the main road. Seems to deter many/most trick-or-treaters. Dunno what that says about our society, but it's probably nothing good.

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  13. Do you want me to mail you some eggs? Because if I were closer there'd be a dozen or so with her name on them.

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  14. Just let the kids know ahead of the time that she wants her house decorated with toilet paper and eggs. The parents can help. I hope she reads this. Hand out apples you dope.

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  15. I hope the neighbors are aware of her plan and have typed up appropriate letters for their little trick -or-treaters to drop on her doorstep tomorrow night. Oh, there are so many possibilities for the come back letters!:D

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  16. Great snark! Good thing she doesn't live in my neighborhood. Her lawn would be forked.

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  17. You know, I read about this lady on another website and could not believe it. What an assbag for sure. You are right - she could have gone about this in a different way instread of being so mean spirited and self righteous. What's next? She hands out coal on Christmas?

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