Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

She Corked My C**k

Did you ever have one of those evenings where absolutely everything that comes out of someone's mouth is absolutely the perfect opportunity to release your inner snark? Tonight was one of those nights. I had dinner with some old friends and some new friends. After dinner, we headed back to my neighbor's house to play cards. Some of us drank whiskey sours, some of us drank wine, and we corked a cock.

Let me explain. My neighbor Lynn went into town to do some shopping before we met for dinner. She found this lovely metal chicken which, she explained, was to hold corks from wine bottles. My neighbor drinks exactly one whiskey sour per month. Girlfriend doesn't even drink wine, yet she felt compelled to buy this chicken so that in case she ever DOES open a bottle of wine, she'll have someplace to store all the corks. But she's my friend and I love her so I'm totally behind whatever decisions she makes, no matter how senseless they are.

But as luck would have it, one of the ladies at the table did drink some white wine and therefore there was a cork, and guess where that cork went! If you guessed 'In the Cock' you'd be right!! That's right, Lynn's cock was corked. And it was beautiful. What was even more perfect was when Lynn said 'she put her cork in my chicken' which begged the response 'she corked your cock??'

I had no idea just how close to perfect that statement was. You see, upon closer examination of said chicken, you can see something deliciously ironic. Here is the chicken from the front. Looks like a chicken, right?

Cork holdin' cock. See, there's already one in his tummy.
However, when I first saw the funky fowl, I was looking at him from behind. This was what I saw when I first saw the cork holder:
Look closely at the chicken's head. No really, look closer.

Are you seeing it? When I pointed it out to the other ladies, I was so pleased that they didn't look at me like I had 352 heads (that's the look I get when I tell my kids that they have to clean up their mess). I was thrilled that they saw exactly what I was seeing. A cock that holds corks. You simply stick the cork in the cock's butt.

As if this wasn't enough to make us all giggle like middle school kids, if you look at the counter up there in the first picture, you'll see a duck wearing a santa hat. This duck belongs to a set of three. Sadly, one of the duck's heads is broken off. When I asked Lynn how it happened, she said she accidentally grabbed him by the neck and it broke. My immediate response was that she 'choked her chicken'. I'm guessing it's a good thing our middle school aged children weren't there, or they'd have rolled their eyes so hard a chicken would probably die somewhere.

Good times and lots of Snark on a Saturday night. Jealous?

19 comments:

  1. Man wouldn't I love to have been in that room for this conversation!!! Can't.Stop.Laughing!

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    1. Amy, I was afraid it wouldn't translate well to a blog, it was hysterically funny.

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  2. OMG!! I want to be in your group of friends!!! That's awesome!!!! Good friends and fun nights! I'm so glad it was a great time!!!! Hugs! (And I snorted my coffee out of my nose this morning....ummm thanks?)

    hugs!
    joy

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    1. Sorry about the coffee Joy. I've got some amazing and hysterically funny friends.

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  3. NaziwhackjobrunningcrackhoDecember 9, 2012 at 9:26 AM

    LOL..now that is some funny stuff...OMG the view from behind is ...hmm I have no words for it.

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    1. SO glad I have a camera on my phone. It just wouldn't be the same without pics.

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  4. Ah hell, I missed a great party. I would of choked a chicken while corking a cock.. I'm a little more experienced.. I'm older.. just sayin..

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  5. OMG! My mouth dropped open when I saw that second photo! Hilarious! Sounds like you ladies have fun!

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    1. It was a blast Eva! Everyone should have nights like that.

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  6. That's a pretty big cock!

    The That's What She Said opportunities are endless. You're friends are fabulous.

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  7. How much cork could a cork cock coop if a cork cock could coop cork?

    (Found this through Hump Day Hook Up. Love It!)

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  8. Terri, my friend.. I have no words, tears, yes, words? no. Thank you for sharing this gem with us ...
    The Hump Day is just that little bit brighter.. :) Thanks for Hooking up

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  9. With a title like that you had to deliver - and you did. I am making it my mission to find a similar chicken to give to my wine loving friend!

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    Replies
    1. http://www.ebay.com/itm/OWL-or-ROOSTER-WINE-CORK-HOLDER-MADE-OF-METAL-HOLDS-115-to-135-CORKS-NEW-/180749119378

      Mission complete. :)

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  10. Gotta love a cock that holds corks. Excellence. Pure excellence.

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