Oh for the love of Mike, what will they think of next?? My friend Siobhan sent me a link to this site because she knows how much I love to mock things. This one did not disappoint. Let's start at the beginning. This website, Kickstarter, is a great way for inventors to get their inventions noticed and raise some capital to get stuff done. If you're looking to make the next self-cleaning diaper/waffle-iron but you don't have the cash, you can throw it up on Kickstarter and try to raise the money. Now Siobhan comes across this little nugget (I actually didn't ask her how she found it, was she looking new ways to stay positive or just in the marker for new panties??) and sends me the link to
Positive Panties. The tagline is a little disturbing:
Curing crabbiness one sweet ass at a time.
Now, call me crazy, but seriously, I never want to see the word panties and anything associated with crabs in the same sentence. That right there could be a deal breaker. How do you know that the positive panties you're backing aren't going to end up giving people positively itchy pubes?? Scroll down a little and you'll see a little background on the soul sisters who came up with the idea of Positive Panties, and they are admittedly 'dancing-in-our-seats-giddy' to share the idea with their community. How sure are we that that's not the crabs making them dance in their seats???
Keep reading, it gets better. That's right, when you're having a shit start to the morning, all grumpy and cranky, you open your panty drawer and spot those Positive Panties and all at once 'the bricks on your heart start breaking off and falling to the ground'. Wow, those are some damn powerful undies. And if you continue to scroll down past the 'ask', you'll see prototype positive panty pictures. The first pic just confuses me. The words across the front of these skivvies says:
You are a mega fuck ton of awesome. What the hell does that mean?? A mega fuck ton? I'm putting out a request right now of all my Snarkfest readers to PLEASE explain to me what a mega fuck ton of awesome is. Because dammit, I want to be THAT awesome!
One of their first goals (if you send them enough money to make these mega fuck ton of awesome panties) is to make them in plus sizes. Yay! Is that so people who are two mega fuck tons of awesome won't feel left out? And if you're looking for stocking stuffers for Christmas, look no further. These knickers are 'highly giftable!' Won't mom be so happy to know that she 'is going to rock this day so hard'? (another slogan across the panties).
Okay in all seriousness, I've got to give these ladies credit where credit is due. Not everyone would take their idea to the internet looking for public backing for what is, undoubtedly, an original idea: Power to make your day positive from wearing the right underwear. I applaud their spunk (sorry, bad pun) and tenacity in wanting to get these panty-thingies made. I wish them the best of luck in their endeavor and maybe one day, someone will surprise me with panties that tell me how hard I'm going to rock the day! Just make sure to wash them first. I hate crabby panties.
