Book signings, fires and donations, oh my!

What up, Snarklings? Very excited to be holding a book signing tonight (for Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee) in our little town of Shepherdstown at the lovely little Four Season Bookstore.  I can't begin to tell you how much I love living in this area of West Virginia. Yes, I mock sometimes but you'll never meet a more kind and generous group of folks.

You see, yesterday there was a devastating fire in Harpers Ferry, which is about a 15 minute drive from my front door. 8 businesses were declared a total loss. Facebook was lit up with stories and our community always comes together in the face of tragedy.

Businesses immediately put out word that they'd hire folks who may have lost their jobs in the fire, a 5K run has already been organized, and a go fund me campaign was started. That got me to thinking: how can I help? I've got a kid starting college in 2 weeks and I don't have that much extra cash to give. Then it hit me: I'm holding this book signing tonight, why not donate a portion of the proceeds to the relief effort? I contacted the lovely Kendra at Four Seasons and the book story will also donate $1 of the sales, so for each book sold tonight, $3 will be donated to Rebuild and Renew Harpers Ferry. 

If you will be in the Shepherdstown area tonight and would like to attend, I'll have wine and light refreshments and of course, my sparkling wit and charm. If you cannot make it but would like to purchase a book, please go to my FB page and send me a private message and I'll work out the details with you. All orders of physical copies made through this blog post will qualify for the  $2 donation per book sold. I cannot offer this for copies sold for e-readers. Thanks Snarklings!

Is This Menopause That I'm Feeling?

Why didn't any of you bitches warn me? I'm totally about to spontaneously combust! What in the ever-loving fresh HELL is this?? I. AM. ON. FIRE.

Me. On fire. Somebody bring me some water.

Sweet baby Moses on a Cheeto!! I was sick this past weekend and it's like some switch from the depths of hell was flipped on. I went from mocking my next door neighbor's hot flashes (her house so cold you could hang meat inside) to trying to break INTO her meat locker to get some relief. It's HOT, boys and girls. H.O.T. hot. Piping hot. Steaming hot. Burrrrrrrning hot. And there doesn't seem to be any relief! I take comfort in knowing that it's September and the August heat will soon be but a memory and the freezing cold gales of November will hopefully come early to my little burg. Because Damn.

I used to wake up in the morning with my shirt wet, obviously suffering from a hot flash at some point during the night but not bad enough to wake me up. Now there are flames shooting out of my armpits. There's smoke smouldering out of my ears. The sweat under my boobs so bad that water is pooling in my bra. I could wring that bitch out. This is no joke, my friends. This is not a drill. I am on red alert, literally.

I think I'm starting to enter menopause and it ain't pretty. You'd think with as sweaty as I've been all damn weekend, I'd sweat off a few pounds. Being me is like living inside a sauna with a campfire in the middle, and I'm the marshmallow, roasting on the stick. I'd love to hang out and give you more details about how goddamn hot I am, but I need to go take another freaking shower.

This sucks. That is all for now.