Tuesday Tirade, the kindler, gentler, One Direction edition

Good news, Snarklings! The 'ew' is gone! Yes, we did manage a good, thorough cleansing at Casa Snarkfest this past weekend. Well, the downstairs, anyway. Not like I'm going to invite company over and then we'll go hang out in the filthy, dirty bedroom, right? No, you guests will stay downstairs on the only clean floor of the house and you'll like it!

More good news! The crap that's been making its way through the family seems to be on the downside. Two weeks ago, 13 got sick with a high fever and headache. That moved to her eyes, she got pink eye a sore throat. Next, 15 got sick with a fever and earache. Once the earache cleared up, she got very throaty and sounded like Kathleen Turner with a side order of Brenda Vaccaro for a week. Next, the husband got sick. It was touch and go there for awhile, but we were so happy that he pulled through and survived the mancold without us having to go have a will drawn up. I had the priest on standby just in case last rights were in order, but he faced down that horrific disease and came though the other side alive and well. Love you, honey.

Even MORE good news, the little non-profit I work for had a front page article written about it in this past weekend's Washington Post Sunday Magazine. Check it out! We're so stoked!  As if that wasn't cool enough, they also came to our little burg and shot some video of our office staff, and I make my video debut in the last 3 seconds of the clip. Don't blink or you'll miss me. The video is at the top of the news article. See, Snarkfest is more than just a place to go and read my rants. You can also get edumacated too! BONUS!

Moving right along, I'm looking for input. My wonderful, amazing and adorable chilluns think I'm going to take them to the midnight premiere of the 1D concert movie (stay with me here, it's One Direction). The release date is August 30, which amounts to midnight on the 29th. A Thursday. A school night. In order for me to do that, heaven and earth will need to be moved. The impossible will have to be possible. Something so unbelievably tremendous will have to occur, it will be worthy of CNN, MSNBC and FoxNews to report on. (okay maybe not FoxNews) That's right: rooms will have to be clean. And not just be clean but KEPT clean. I know, I'll have an easier time juggling cats than hoping for this to happen. But if they really want me to take them to the midnight premiere, it'll have to happen. Otherwise, I may not EVER take them to see it. So here's where I ask for your input. A poll, if you will.

A)  If they clean their rooms by no later than Sunday August 11, and if they KEEP them clean, I will take them to the midnight premiere, pay for their tickets AND popcorn.

B)  If they don't clean their rooms, I will have nothing to do with the One Direction movie, they should not ask me to take them, they should not ask for money to go see it, they shouldn't even mention the words 'One' or 'Direction' to me.

C)  Some less harsh combination of the two.

What do you think, Snarklings? Give me some feedback.

ew

I've got a confession to make. I am a lousy housekeeper. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking  "But Snarky, you have two teenagers living at home, off for the summer! How can your house be a disaster?" Well, let me just explain. Yes, I DO have two teens, yes they are home for the summer. But they aren't much on cleaning. I'm not saying they don't clean, but.... wait, yes I am. THEY DON'T CLEAN.

Let me give you an example, and please believe me when I tell you that I had NO intentions on posting this picture, but my friend Sio basically forced me into it. She saw it in my living room and said "Oh you have to blog about that." At first I was like, "No, I'm embarrassed, everyone will know I'm a terrible housekeeper." But the more I talked with her, the more I realized that the house is NOT just my house. The residents of my house really DO need to help me keep it clean. And that's why I asked 15 to please get a dust rag and some Pledge and clean the bottom of the coffee table. Instead, I found this:

For those of you who can't read it, it says "My mom is a shitty housekeeper"

That's right, it says 'ew'. Thank you, 15, instead of cleaning it, you pointed out to me that the dust is so thick on the bottom of the coffee table that you can write your memoirs there. Instead of helping me out, you took it upon yourself to judge my cleaning skills. But you only succeeded in making MORE work for yourself. Because when you get home from band camp today, you will not only have 'ew' to clean up, but you'll also have the 'gross' dust on the bookshelf, the 'nasty' dog snot on the windows and the 84 lbs. of 'yuck!' dog hair on the hardwood floors to clean as well.

Perhaps the next time I ask you to do something, you will forgo writing your opinions on the dust and just clean it up so I don't have to call you out on my blog.

By the way, if you look REALLY closely, you can see cat paw prints in the dust. Dumbass just wanted to leave her mark in the dust to remind me why I call her Dumbass.