Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Judgin' Like Judy...

I must make a confession to you 6 fans of Snarkfest right now. I am a judgey mom. A Judgey-McJudgersen, if you will. I joked with a fellow band parent this weekend that while others may try to see the reason behind the decisions people make (or don't make), I very rarely give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt. So I tend to be judgin' like Judy. Judge Judy, for those of you who are scratching your head and wondering. NOT Judy Blume. NOT Judy Garland. Judge Judy. I'm pretty close to being one of the most judgmental people ever.

I will admit, it's not a very nice trait. I wish I COULD be more open-minded and understanding. But I tend to judge first and ask questions.....never.

I read this post from my friend Christine over at Keeper of the Fruit Loops and applauded her for putting up her volunteer pledge. And it got me to thinking. I'm a volunteer. Scratch that, I'm actually an OVER-volunteer-er. It's a thing, I swear. I'm a judgmental over-volunteer-er. I go to meetings and everything! And I usually volunteer to bring snacks.

But when it comes to parents who volunteer for NOTHING, I judge. I judge very harshly. Put it to you this way: 172 kids in the high school band this year. 2 of them are mine. I volunteer as the band booster Vice-President, I volunteer to chaperone trips, I volunteer to work in the concession stand during Friday night football games. I spend one night each summer at band camp and then help out in the kitchen the following morning serving breakfast (remember the Egg Nazi?).  You get the idea. I'm involved.  And I'm of the mindset that if you have a child involved in an activity, you, too, should be involved. But sadly, those of us with kids in the band see the same parents over and over. We work with the same group of parents every Friday in the concession stand, we see the same parents chaperoning band trips, the same parents volunteer at band camp, the same parents come to the monthly booster meetings. 172 band kids. Less than 50 involved band parents. Hashtag frustrating! (did I do that right?)

Last week I attended the parents meeting for 14's high school volleyball team. The team mom that they've had for a few years had recently taken on a new job and needed to be LESS involved. I totally get that. Working full time and having other kids at home, I TOTALLY get that some parents need to back off a little from volunteering. But that's when I feel that it's the responsibility of other parents to step up. Other parents who aren't ME. 14 turned to me and mouthed "You should be team mom!!!" "You should stop talking!" I mouthed back with a smile. No way. There's no way I can take on another responsibility. Not when there are 25 other sets of parents who are more than capable of taking over as team parent. I signed up to work the volleyball concessions stand, to bring snacks to games and to donate food to the stand to sell. But I have to draw the line at taking on being 'Team Mom'. Let someone else do it.

And that's the problem. More and more people are saying 'Let someone else do it' and less and less people actually ARE. And I don't look at the reason behind this lack of stepping up. I just judge. I'm jaded. I judge the parents who show up to football games with their spouse who think they're doing their part by buying some popcorn and a soda. Hey, Sparky, how about coming in so that one of US can go watch our kids perform in the halftime show?

That's my problem. There may be a very good reason WHY some folks can't volunteer to help out. But I'm so jaded by lazy-ass parents who aren't motivated to lift a finger to help out, that I lump ALL parents who don't help out together into one big cluster of lazy. It's something that I need to work on. Someday, when I see lots of different faces stepping up to the plate, maybe then I won't be so quick to judge. But for now, I will accept that I'm judgin' like Judy and then I'll go bake some brownies for the volleyball team's car wash this weekend (which I will, of course, be working).


17 comments:

  1. My son goes to a Montessori School. Lots of volunteering opportunities. I'd guess that 70% of the moms work (as do I). It always seems to be the "at home moms" who decline requests to volunteer because they "don't have the time". The Board of Directors (which I've been on for a decade) consists of 6 working dads and 8 working moms (and trust me, plenty of stay at home moms have been invited over the years). WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel you, I'm a fellow over-volunteer-er. I want to be active in my kids' lives, and since they want to be in activities, I am in those activities. I get that some have jobs that don't allow them the ability to do this, but what burns my biscuits is when someone says "oh, you get to see your kid ALL the time, I can't" - no, I don't see them ALL the time, but I try! I work from home - after doing my time in cubicles I made some changes, and now I can usually make it to the games for carpool and such. I still miss things, but not as much as if I had to drive downtown daily. Snarky, you be the over-volunteer-er that judges, cuz I'm sick of the never-volunteer-ers who judge us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hallelujah, Jolie!!! Never-volunteer-ers bug the crap outta me.

      Delete
  3. AMEN!! I'm a Judgey McJudgepants too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then I'm in excellent company, Mimzy!!

      Delete
  4. I mostly agree with you. Please keep in mind that some parents are very shy and the thought of being involved like that (working a concession stand, for example), is extremely stressful. It may be all they can do to attend their child's events. Still other parents simply aren't 'leaders', but are much more comfortable being 'followers'. Maybe their way of helping is through quiet financial contributions. Please consider that there are more than two groups of parents, the constant volunteers and the lazy-asses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do need to open my mind a bit more. That's why I'm so judgey. :D

      Delete
    2. Oh, and by the way, your comments are proof that you have more than 6 fans. I love your writing!

      Delete
  5. 5 bucks says you'll be Team Mom by next week. Keep us posted. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hate to admit this but I am one of those parents who will pay whatever I have to not to have to come. Granted, my kids don't play sports but I get so nervous about meeting new people! But you totally inspire me. And I bet you will be Team Mom soon too! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go out and do it!! You know I'll end up as team mom, be on my team!

      Delete
  7. Dude. I totally hear you. For all my talk, I'm an over-volunteerer as well. I do at least 4 times the required volunteer hours at our school. And I get a little pissy with the folks who don't do anything. There are SO MANY different opportunities to help out. Find the one that works for you and actually DO IT.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The ones who piss me off are, like Cassandra, the stay at homes who "don't have time." Because I'm sorry, WTF else are you doing? I am a Girl Scout Brownie leader, I am involved at the Service Unit level, I'm the Program Director for Girl Scout Day Camp in the summer, I am on the PTO board as the Enrichment Chair, and I have four children and a full time job. Please explain to me what it is that you're doing that I am not that takes so much time. However, I will say that there are things I simply won't do--my son played roller hockey this last season, and not once did I volunteer to be equipment mom or work the concession. I'm sure there were moms in that group who judged me as a do-nothing, so I would say consider that they may be doing something else, which is why they don't get involved. But if you know that's not the case, then I say JUDGE AND JUDGE HARD. Clearly I will!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Majorly serious kudos to you! I WISH I could to more, but well...I am one of those parents who work more than I'm at home.

    (And let me just say it hear because I feel safe to be a tad judgey myself...if the coach wasn't such a dick, I'd make more of an effort. But nothing is ever good enough from the kids or the parents. So, there.)

    (Sorry.)

    I do what I can, when I can, but I know it's not near as much as the other mom's put in. So, seriously, kudos to you, Tutz!

    And I love Judge Judy. She's on my DVR every single day. And I don't even have time to watch her. 30 minute episodes and I can't find it during the week to watch.

    I'm having to take a vacation day so I can re-vamp my mind and figure out what the hell is going on in life.

    Something's gotta give, right??

    ReplyDelete

I do read all comments and try to respond to them. Unless you're trying to get me to visit your website: Cheap Louis Vuitton Bags. Then you can go pound sand.