Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Guest Post from ComfyTown Chronicles...

So I've met a really cool lady named Joy who has just recently started blogging. I know exactly how she feels with being a new kid because last summer I was that new kid, asking questions, trying to figure out ways to get my blog noticed. I was so lucky to have found some really helpful bloggers, big guns, in my opinion, who were full of ideas and suggestions to get me out of the starting block. Jen at People I Want To Punch In The Throat, and Jenn at Jenn's Blogspot, My Daily Jenn-isms were both instrumental in helping me get Snarkfest off the ground. So I'm going to pay the favor forward by helping out a fellow blogger and I'm putting up a guest post for her on today's edition of Snarkfest. It doesn't hurt that the post is funny as shit, so I present to you a guest post from Joy at ComfyTown Chronicles. She uses the word "mayhap" which has always secretly been one of my favorite words to say, so you know, in my book, she's aces! Enjoy.

Scatterbrain’s Guide to Perpetual Motion
 
If you work(ed) in an office, you’re probably familiar with the guy (yes, or GIRL) who always does things the hard way. You think he’s new, or maybe dropped on his head as a child, so you help him out. Like that Dane Cook bit, if he goes totally postal, maybe he’ll spare you. You show him a faster, more efficient way to do a task. But no, he’s DEAD SET on doing it the much harder way. He could be keeping himself busy, could have a hidden agenda, or just bat-crap crazy. Who knows?

In my role as Head of Sanitation and Sustenance in ComfyTown, apparently I am that THAT GUY. Based on my natural ability to stretch out simple chores to all-day projects, I am That Guy, level Jedi Master. Maybe subconsciously I feel this is some kind of job security, perhaps I feel nothing worthwhile is easy. Or mayhap I am a masochist. (That would actually explain a lot…)

If you like to create arbitrary challenges for yourself, are bat-crap crazy (no judgment here, I’m WITH you) or just want to convince your significant other you are way too busy to possibly have any more children, I’ve got you covered. I’ll show you how to make household jobs take longer. I’m talking Tollway-Construction-Worker “we have to sweep all day to use up our budget” kind of take longer. Just follow me around. So to speak. Actually don’t do that, I’m easily distracted. Read my blog, like my Facebook page, and start with this list I put together of everyday crap that I do. Were this list complete, the internet would be FULL, so thanks to David Letterman’s good ole “Top Ten List,” here are the TOP ways to do things the hard way and battle that winter cabin-fever boredom.


1.     Never put anything back where it belongs, so you have to look long and hard for things.
2.     Leave CLEAN items (important paperwork) on your wet, filthy countertop. Spread the filth.
3.     Half-ass wash your kitchen floor, then drop food often. This wastes food AND time.
4.     Always be spilling.
5.     Carry clean and dirty laundry TOGETHER walking through the house. At the very least you’ll forget which is which and have to wash it all again.
6.     Do a lot of tasks at the same time, so none gets your full attention. You’ll have to redo them all.
7.     Convince yourself you need to make things “from scratch” if you’re horrible at cooking.
8.     Leave packed bags, diaper bags, library bags down where the kids can reach them. They’ll do the real work here…unpacking.
9.     Never have the little ones nap at the same time. Idle time is the devil’s playground.
10.  Have more kids. Close together. Watch extra kids, why not?

 These methods are proven. You will never be bored again. Or sane. Guaranteed.

3 comments:

  1. Thank you for paying it forward, much appreciated.
    Thank you Evil Joy, your name kicks all forms of ass.

    ReplyDelete

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