What the HELL is wrong with me??

UPDATED 10/20:

No real changes. The hall upstairs did get cleaned and vacuumed (not by me, I have 13 to thank for that). And the guest room IS clean (not by me, I've got 48 to thank for that). I did vacuum the 467 lbs of dog and cat hair from the steps, but that was it.

I did get a nice run in this morning with the Nazicrackho, and am spending tomorrow at Notaviva winery in Northern Virginia with Nazi and Susan. Looking forward to that!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. :)




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It happened again this morning. I swear, I have never had an issue with ADD, ADHD, never been very easily distracted (oh a kitty!) but in the past two weeks, this has happened to me:

 

My counter this morning.

My floor last weekend

My counter last weekend

I keep forgetting to put the actual COFFEE MUG under the spout to catch the freshly brewed coffee that comes pouring out of the Keurig. Back in the age of dinosaurs and Mr. Coffee makers, I never forgot to put the glass carafe under the basket before turning on the power, so someone needs to 'splain to me why I'm having issue with my Keurig. I got it as either a Mother's Day gift or for my birthday, (memory escapes me, go figure) and up until last week I NEVER forgot to put a mug under the spout. Now I've done it twice. My thought process was as follows:

Coffee, mmmmm good, hot, fresh coffee. I'll just put the water in, then put the K-Cup in. Then I'll turn on the power button and make good, hot, fresh coffee. Oh, I need to make lunches, so I'll lay out 4 slices of bread for sandwiches. Ooooooh no, no clean knives in the silverware drawer, I'll have to empty the dishwasher. Yay, dishwasher emptied, now let me get a knife and start making the san...... Oh SHIT!!!!!! The bread did manage to soak up a good bit of the coffee that came out of my Keurig and onto my counter. That's positive, right??

In other news, I've given up cleaning my house. More specifically, the mess NOT made by me. Let me explain. I live in a dumpster. My children KNOW how to put a dish in the sink or dishwasher, they just choose NOT to. Don't ask me why. 15 has been told, pretty much on a daily basis, to remove her clothes from the floor in the bathroom once she's finished showering. And yet, she forgets to do this. Every. Single. Day. They bring cups of juice, soda, milk, whatever up to their rooms or into the family room and once the cup is empty, that spot becomes the cup's permanent home until I do a sweep of the room prior to running the dishwasher. But no more. I'm done. I sent this email to my family yesterday. I have not yet gotten back any response.

Dear Husband, 15 & 13,

This morning, I was in the family room and looked at the end tables and saw a bowl, a yogurt cup and spoon, 3 popsicle sticks and 3 different drinking cups. I started to clean them up and thought, 'why am I doing this? I did not make this mess'.

Here is my issue. When I am finished with a dish, a coffee mug or a cup, I put it either in the sink, on the counter or in the dishwasher if it's empty. I do NOT, however, leave it lying on a table in another room for someone else to clean up. So why, then, is it MY responsibility to clean up after everyone else who chooses to leave all these dishes, plates, cups, trash lying all over the house??? Cheese stick wrappers on my computer desk?? Go-gurt wrappers on the stairs?? Really?? Why is this my job to clean that up???

Grandma and Grandpa are coming on Saturday and staying overnight. The upstairs hallway, no matter how much I try to keep it clear, once again has clothes strewn all over the place. And don't even get me started on the bed that those two will have to sleep on. Clothes that get washed, dried and piled. There is NO follow through. It is JUST as easy to fold each load as it comes out of the dryer. That's what I do. Fold and sort and distribute. It takes a few extra minutes but it gets RID of the 'pile it on the dryer or the guest bed for someone else to deal with' step. Because it always seems to fall on MY shoulders to deal with that step and I'm pretty sick and tired of it.

Family, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. We are all FAR too busy in our lives to let this stuff pile up, because then it becomes a burden for one person (ME) to get it all clean before someone comes over and, God forbid, sees just what pigs we are. I am not saying that I am blameless in any of this, and I have allowed it to continue. But I'm so over and done with cleaning up after 3 other perfectly healthy human beings.

15, you borrowed $15 from a teammate to buy a shirt today at Regionals, after I had given you $25 this morning. Your first response "What about the $12 daddy said he had"  and when I asked how you planned on paying her back you responded: "Can I please have an allowance like everyone else??"

Now, I put this to you. Why would I even THINK of paying anyone money to put their stuff all over the place and expect me to clean it up?? I would be absolutely MORE than happy to give each child $10 each week as allowance, provided I think that they have earned it. But I'd rather spend $100 a month on hiring a cleaning lady to do the work instead of giving my children money for doing absolutely NOTHING. At least a cleaning lady is earning it.

If you want the house to look presentable for Grandma and Grandpa, you will have to clean it up yourselves. I volunteered to work in concessions to earn money so we don't have to shell out hundreds of dollars for 15's band. If I stay home and clean, it's more money we have to put out when we have clearly been trying to STOP spending unnecessary money.

If they show up on Saturday and the house is a mess, I'm not making apologies or excuses. I'm just going to say the house is a mess because the person that is responsible for cleaning it got sick of cleaning messes she did not make.


Mom

When I got home from concessions last night, this is what I found on the end table mentioned above:

Mess that has been sitting on my end table for at least 3 days

Again, none of this is mine. Notice that the yogurt container is gone. Hubby got rid of that, because that was his mess. Is it just me?

Evil Joy Speaks....to Snarkfest

Hey it’s Teri here from Snarkfest and since I’ve got the perfect face for radio, I’m sitting down for a tell-all interview with my guest, Joy from Evil Joy Speaks. Since this week's Blogger Idol Play-at-Home Link-Up has us interviewing one another, Joy has graciously agreed to come in and have a face to face with me. So how are ya, Joy?

Joy: Fabulous - working on consuming my third can of that sweet nectar of life, Diet

Dew. I’ve got a female spawn doing homework at 5:45 am (because she forgot about it)

in the room with me and a pup asleep on my lap. How are you my dear Teri aka

Snarkfest?

Awesome, Joy, I’m doing great. Thanks for stopping by to see us. Now, the readers of your blog have written in and have a bunch of questions that they’d love to have answered, so are you ready to give your fans what they want?

Joy: Ohhh yaaahhh, you betcha.

Cool, so let’s get started. Oh this first one is interesting because I always say I married

my husband because he’s tall and can reach things on high shelves. Oh and he’s great

at killing bugs too. So how about you, Joy? Why did you marry Dr. Evil?

Joy: Well, I suppose I should say something sweet like he was the perfect boy for me.

But I think since I’m Evil Joy as well as Joy - I’m going with knowing he was smart and

would be able to program my contacts into my cell phone for me.

Gotta love a man who knows his technology. Okay, next question, which Halloween candy do you steal from your ‘Evil Spawn’ and why?

Joy: Oh this is easy. Snickers Bars, followed by other chocolate candy bars, followed

by anything chocolate at all. Then...we’ll move on to the fruity sugary stuff like Skittles.

I always leave them the crap candy.

However this year - I’m not sure what I’m going to do. In previous years we had a dog

Fizzgig aka Smooshie (because I smooshed him with my car) who literally would steal

and eat chocolate with no ill side effects - other than puking all over my house. So...I’d

totally blame the dog if too much candy was gone. He couldn’t speak to point out my

LIE! But now....I’m not sure which dog I’ll blame it on....

I’m totally cool with taking the chocolate and blaming it on my hubby,

much like I blame the dog for any farts that happen to occur when someone else is in

the room with me. Which ties in perfectly with our next question: Do you fart in front of

your spouse? If you do, who gets the blame?

Joy: Nope! I worry it’ll be more of a shart. But evidently I do in my sleep because he

teases me about it. However, he’s the Fart Master in our family followed by Eldest

Female Spawn (age 9).

Where did you come up with your spawns’ names? Was it more fun to name your kids

or your pets? Who do you like to hang out with more? The kids or the pets?

Joy: Let’s see - 1st one - just liked it. 2nd one - 1st one chose it at age 2. We said

‘Baby Sister was born.’ He yelled, “NO Baby Female Spawn was born.”....

Third one - from a movie - if her hair had been red, it would have been slightly different.

Fourth one - we just liked it.

Dogs - more fun because it’s less important. And you get to do it more often as they

typically live longer than the spawn. We’ve had Einstein, Fizzgig, Shadow and now

Burton. Einstein - we’re geeks. Fizzgig - from the Dark Crystal. Shadow from some kid

movie. Burton because we got him and then bought six snowboards and assorted gear,

mainly Burton brand and we liked it.

As far as hanging out - I would say it depends. If the spawn are being annoying - I’ll

take puppy and dog any day. If puppy is sharting all over the carpet, the spawn don’t

seem so bad.

I hear ya. There are days when I can stand the kids more than the dogs. Then there are other days when I’d like to lock the kids in the crate and just chill with the dogs.  I’ve got a cat named Dumbass and that name fits her much better than her given name of Cinnamon. I’ve got a dog named Henry whose name fits him perfectly, he’s a true Henry. His brother is Cosmo, named for the fairy, Cosmo, from the Nickelodeon show The Fairly Oddparents. Cosmo is truly the perfect name for that boy, he loves shiny things and will stare at the wall where there once was something shiny for hours and hours.

Alright, next question: What is the most embarrassing thing you would do to your own

spawn and how much fun would it be?

Joy: I CAN’T WAIT to show the baby pictures to their future dates. Although that scares

me - Dates - yikes. I think it’ll be great to show the ones of them doing silly things like

locking themselves in the dog kennel....yeah yeah...they put themselves in there....

And there’s always the diapered pictures.

That - and I would love to write a book about all the crap they’ve done. ALL they’ve

done. Suckers.....I think they’d behave more if they knew I took notes.

I’m sure they’ll LOVE it when the truth comes out.  Personally I embarrass my own offspring daily by posting the ‘did they or didn’t they make the school bus’ song update. They truly hate it. I make up a song (actually I just take a song and change the lyrics around to indicate whether or not they made the bus) and post it on Facebook each day. 15’s band director was trying to get her to stop talking while out on the marching field last week and he said “Am I going to have to write a song about you?” THAT shut her up quickly.

So I hear that you’re a runner, me too. Now, do you run to work out and be healthy or do

you run just to say that you run and so you can get the damn shirts from the races to

wear in public so people know you run? Personally, I run for the t-shirt and the free beer

at the finish line.

Joy: Dude - I’m allllll about the shirts. Sweatshirts are even better. And the only thing I

like shopping for for myself is running shoes. Healthy smealthy. I like to eat. I run so I

can eat and wear fun ‘free’ shirts - I pay to run - not for the shirts....they’re free - yeah

free. And the beer’s not bad either!

Speaking of beer, what is your beverage of choice? Personally, I dig red wine. In mass

quantities. I know you’re not much of a coffee drinker, which is fine, because that’s more

for me. Because in the morning, without coffee, I could easily take out a school bus full

of handicapped nuns if they look at me the wrong way.

Joy: Let me know if you run low, and I’ll send you a membership to the Coffee Drinker

of the World club so you never ever run out. Without the nuns, I’d be a lost Catholic.

Save the Nuns!!

Without the Diet Dew, the safety of my community is at stake. It is a requirement for

national security and safety. Any diet caffeinated soda pop will work. But when I want

to have fun - I love margaritas. With lots of salt. And if we’re talking beer - it’s got to be

some Blue Moon with my fruit salad of oranges. None of this skinny slice of orange

crap - bring on the SLICES.

LOVE me some Blue Moon! You’ve got great taste in beers, even if you like them all fruity and girly. Now, if you could do anything in the world, anything at all, what would your dream

job be? Doesn’t matter if it’s real or made up. Like, if I could sit in my house and stroke

the soft fuzzy fur of baby bunnies all day and get paid for it, I’m all over it. How about

you?

Joy: We so are soul sisters. Soft furry animals..... I would pilot my own plane and fly

around the world delivering puppies. I’ve always (in real life) wanted to be a pilot. And

since it’s anything at all - I’d own my own plane and landing strip (and gas station). And

what’s more fun than delivering puppies? Seriously!!!?!

That sounds like an awesome job! How about this question: if you could be any cartoon

character, which would you be? If you could get rid of any cartoon character, who would

you off, and why?

Joy: I sort of dig the Road Runner. I like his sounds. Meep Meep! I like that he runs

and outsmarts the other guy. Frequently.

And I’d have to off.....it sounds bad but...Caillou. I CANNOT stand that whiney kid’s

voice. My spawn have all had an affinity for him and man - there is nothing worse than

hearing Caillou before ingesting the sweet nectar of life. He has a bowling ball for a

head and apparently will never grow any hair. WTHeck?

I’ve heard there are tons of people on the Down with Caillou bandwagon. Personally, I’d take out those damn Teletubbies. I’ve hated them since 15 was 2. And if I could be any cartoon character, I’d be Snoopy. I’ve always loved Snoopy and really, who wouldn’t want to nap on top of a doghouse that doubles as a Sopwith Camel??

Ok last and final question, what’s your favorite position?

Joy: Let’s see. I’m freaky flexible so there’s all sorts of possibilities. Dr. Evil enjoys the

calf stretch I do prior to running. I enjoy the ‘runner’s stretch.‘ How about you!?

Oh I’m partial to the downward dog, LOVE stretching out the back and the hammies.

Well folks, that’s all the time we have for Evil Joy but don’t forget to check out her blog, Evil Joy Speaks. She’s awesome and funny and it’s been a pleasure to have her on my show. Joy, have an awesome day!