For shits and giggles, we put the address in both GPSs (GPSes? GPS's?) whatever the hell the plural of GPS is, we set 'em both up. Samantha (who is my girl who tells me where to go on the Waze app) had us arriving 2 minutes earlier than Jack. Jack is the male dude on my Garmin, and dude was SURE his way was the right way. Dumbass.
Off we went. They were both in agreement until we got to just north of Bedford. Driving in GPS harmony was lovely. Then Jack wanted us to take the PA Turnpike. Jack apparently thinks we've got money we can just piss away. Samantha, on the other hand, being much wiser and more thrifty, opted to take Rt. 220 to US 99. When we made the left (Samantha's direction) instead of the right (Jack's choice), Jack got all pissy and was like: "Recalculating, you stupid humans. Don't you know that my way is ALWAYS best??" Well, he did say the first part, but that second part was TOTALLY inferred in his tone. Whatever, Jack. I don't have the extra cash to spend on the damn Turnpike, so screw you, I'm following Samantha's advice.
This did not make Jack very happy. Jack disagreed with everything Samantha said after that. If she said go right, Jack said "No, dummy, LEFT, go LEFT". If Samantha said "In 300 feet, stay to the right" Jack would snidely respond "Only an IDIOT would stay to the right. Pffft." I swear, my GPS pfffted at me. How dare he??
Needless to say, Jack spent the remainder of the trip muted. And when Samantha would tell us to take a right, 14 and I would mock him. "Ooooh look Jack, we're going right!! What are YOU gonna do about it??"
Overall it was an uneventful trip made enjoyable by the dueling devices on my dash.
Flash forward to yesterday, when I needed to go to the Coast Guard base close to where I live in West Virginia (read that sentence again and tell me if it makes sense that there is a Coast Guard base in WEST. VIRGINIA.) So hubby gets Jack ready to go, and I, of course, get Samantha all queued up and off we go. Now here's where it got interesting. Jack kept losing his mind. Well, technically, his satellites. He kept having to reacquire satellites. Every 30 feet, Jack would say "Reacquiring satellites". I just figured he was pissed off and being bitchy since we didn't listen to his advice on Sunday. But then Samantha stopped telling me the name of streets on which I needed to turn. "Turn left..." Not "Turn left in 200 feet" or "Turn left on Smith Street". No, girlfriend was just telling me to turn, but giving me NO indications as to WHERE I had to turn.
Here's what I think happened. I left my phone in the car Sunday night. Jack got all smooth talking and made his moves on Samantha; Samantha, while coy at first, must have warmed up to Jack's charms and he somehow got into her inner workings and flipped some switch inside. Only not the good switch that a girl WANTS flipped, but a bad switch that makes her do stupid stuff. Like not tell me what street I needed to turn. And now, the two of them are plotting against me.
Just to be safe, I'm hitting Mapquest before EVERY trip.
