Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

When I Grow Up...

When I grow up I want to be a famous explorer. I will be able to navigate dangerous jungles, uncharted territories, and hopefully be able to locate stuff in my daughter's room without a map or a GPS.



When I grow up I want to be an astronaut, so that I can fly to the moon and have no responsibilities, no one calling me to pick them up from basketball practice, no fights to break up, no bitching and whining. And I won't have to make dinner for anyone but me. Open up the pouch of freeze dried beef and BOOM: dinner is served.

When I grow up I want to be an animal whisperer. Once I've mastered this skill, I will be able to determine why the cat feels the need to lie on my clothes and get her nasty hair all over them. I will learn the secret as to exactly how many times I can pet her before she decides she's had enough niceness and bites me. And I will finally be able to determine why she likes to hang out in my fridge.

When I grow up I want to be a computer genius so that I know what to do besides reboot when my computer is acting like an assbag. When I get the blue screen of death, I will be brave and know how to combat the blue beast instead of curling up under my desk and sobbing like an infant.

When I grow up I want to be a psychic, so that I know ahead of time when my daughters are going to wake up in a good mood or a bad mood. I'll know BEFORE I pick them up from basketball if they are going to be sweet, kind and gentle or if they'll be cranky, whiny and mean. This will make life so much easier, and will better prepare me to handle what's coming.

When I grow up I want to be a vintner. Because, wine. All the wine.

When I grow up I want to be a Hollywood photographer. Not the paparazzi jerks, but the ones who get paid to take pictures of famous hot people. But only the single male famous people, because I'm shallow like that. I can be shallow, because I can. I can be anything I want to be when I grow up.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be in television when I grew up. I thought it would be totally cool to work in TV, be behind the scenes as a producer or something cool like that. Maybe I'd work on the local news broadcast, or maybe I'd move to Hollywood and work in the movies.

I'm a 47 year old office admin for a small non-profit. Never in all my wildest dreams did I ever say "When I grow up I want to be an office admin."

But that's where I am, and I kinda like it. What do YOU want to be when you grow up?

7 comments:

  1. Old Saying of which I am sure you are familiar: Growing old is mandatory, groeing up is optional.

    I am a 58 year old kid. And I'm gonna be one until I am a dead guy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Who said anything about growing up? I'm like Peter Pan. I'll never grow up.

    ReplyDelete
  3. After being told so many times that there's nothing more they can do....I want to grow up & be an old lady (Please God)

    ReplyDelete
  4. When I grow up I want to get paid for oversharing the contents of my brain with the entire world.

    I have the oversharing part down, now I just need to get paid!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I want to be a published author!!!!

    ReplyDelete

I do read all comments and try to respond to them. Unless you're trying to get me to visit your website: Cheap Louis Vuitton Bags. Then you can go pound sand.